Welcome back to Comments of the Week, the number one hit community showcase on Destructoid! I'm your host, the delightful Dreamweaver, bringing you the knockoff version of America's Funniest Home Videos with copy-pasted comments involuntarily stolen from community members such as yourselves! Don't even think about suing me; I have an army of angry kangaroos that are just eager to jump your ass!
Besides, why would you want to sue the guy that travels all over the front page to snatch the very best comments said last week to compile them all in one place for the folks who either want to see what they missed out on, or simply want to relive the coolest moment in their entire lives? Yeah, I'm totally Robin Hood, but without the tights. As always, comments are available in three toppings:
TRUTH: kangaroos can't walk backwards.
LOL: they will never learn to moonwalk.
WUT?: how will they become kings of the animal kingdom now?
"Wait a minute, didn't you have an army of ninja assassins last week?"
Why yes, I did! However, due to the costs of overtime — apparently, they're always on the clock — I had to let most of them go. However, kangaroos aren't so bad, so long as you don't step on their young when you sleep in their pouch.
I swear, his head looked like that before I got in!
From Nekro's Quickpost
Dreamweaver: So you're saying Carter should run for President?
Dreamweaver: Yeah, screw him. He's not even that goofy.
Dreamweaver: Looks like someone... better warn a brother.
Dreamweaver: When they gonna bring back Kenan and Kel?
Dreamweaver: Just like me in bed.
Dreamweaver: Damn, the stoners were ninjas all along...
Dreamweaver: There's a whole lotta fucking going on.
Dreamweaver: I bet Konami has a whole bunch of material then, am I right?
Dreamweaver: Can we switch guys with guns? Mine told me to do weird stuff.
Dreamweaver: So... missions no one will play? Seriously, who buys games at Target?
Though, it would be kinda ironic for Target to have Hitman exclusive missions.
Dreamweaver: And the comment is all the better for it!
Dreamweaver: Oh, I'd dairy her login...
Wait, that's a cow, not a horse. False alarm.
Dreamweaver: Dangus loves to make fun of his girlfriends. :P
Dreamweaver: Haha... scrotum.
Dreamweaver: Haha... testicles.
Dreamweaver: The Framing Group Convention thanks you!
Dreamweaver: "Input lag" is what I call the time between penetrating a woman and hearing her disappointed reaction.
Dreamweaver: Better than Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Dreamweaver: Despite the violence, the news will focus solely on the naked Goombas.
Dreamweaver: Don't tease us like that!
Dreamweaver: Popcorn Salvadore? I hardly know her!
Dreamweaver: And they did.
Dreamweaver: ...He's not a real doctor!
Dreamweaver: Better make sure you read the instructions. This is NOT a box you wanna get your dick stuck in.
Dreamweaver: I hate to be in this guy's family pictures/
Dreamweaver: Well, if you're going to be polite about it...
Dreamweaver: I mean, he's technically in last place...
Dreamweaver: Maybe he hates wet T-shirt contests.
Dreamweaver: Or so he wants you to believe.
Dreamweaver: What women say when I ask them to sleep with me.
Dreamweaver: Seriously, the rest of the title is just fluff.
Dreamweaver: I know, it makes you wanna pee.
Okay, nobody panic! You saw his whip skills. He'll be fine. Ish.
Plus, his name's Furniss, so you know he can handle the heat.
Dreamweaver: These floors are clearly not up to code.
From Review: Stellaris
Dreamweaver: Does it matter?
And that's it for this edition! I hope you guys had a good time! Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to retire to the warm, cozy pouch of my kangaroo mama. Just gotta find out where I put her dead baby's skin so I can sneak back in there...