Well, hello there, friend. My, you're looking beautifully radiant tonight. It's almost as though you're casting a spell on me. There's nothing more than I want to do than to sink my fingers into your buns, rip off everything with my teeth until there's nothing but flesh, paint your body with my tongue, then wake up in the morning feeling extremely satisfied. Come on, baby, let's do it, right here, right now.
Oh? You say you won't do it in front of these people? Then allow me to get rid of them, my dear.
Welcome back to Comments of the Week (or whatever), the place where you can — yadda yadda yadda — as always, three categories:
TRUTH: YOU'RE RUINING THIS FOR ME!
LOL: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? THIS IS NO JOKE!
WUT?: THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?
Look, you know why you're here, so just scroll on down before you cockblock me. Believe me, you do NOT want to do that to the Shadow of the Night.
Dreamweaver: Don't exaggerate, man, she can't be that bad...
Dreamweaver: ...Well, I don't want to hurt her self-esteem.
*begrudingly unzips pants*
Dreamweaver: ...I did, too.
And I thought I was finally gonna be clever. :(
Dreamweaver: Someone needs to photoshop a picture of Andy Dixon's head to that "oh you" meme.
And it BETTER include the bathrobe and thumbs up.
Dreamweaver: If this were TV, the "holes" would be censored out.
Dreamweaver: Then I won't ever apologize for masturbating.
Dreamweaver: I bet his Pokemon have great asses.
Dreamweaver: I'm more partial to ever eloquent "fuck all you bitches."
It's meaning is two-fold.
Dreamweaver: People who likes raisins are the same people who lick testicles. Fact.
Dreamweaver: I say, I say, what the hell are these pictures supposed to mean?
What are we, in Egypt?
Dreamweaver: You know, I actually expected Isay Isay to make that comment.
Dreamweaver: As he should be! That's clearly not a ten gallon hat.
Dreamweaver: Thank Goddess for Dreamweaver. (Note: that link is totally not safe for work)
Dreamweaver: I'm also apparently a computer program!
Dreamweaver: You also could've taken two more rights.
Dreamweaver: Chips are serious business, I say.
Dreamweaver: I'm still waiting to be a father.
Dreamweaver: Fight the power!
Dreamweaver: That's only gonna last him an hour.
Dreamweaver: Seems legit.
Dreamweaver: What the hell is a Chicken Pizzioli??
Dreamweaver: Which means it's probably a whore.
Dreamweaver: What do I get for a fuck?
Dreamweaver: His new profile picture would look like it's coming right at me!
Wait a minute.
Dreamweaver: That's one oddly specific troll.
Dreamweaver: Moms also do have a way with words.
Dreamweaver: I bet FullmetalJ got a Fullmetal boner from all this.
Dreamweaver: But then how will I get my daily dose of bully porn?
Dreamweaver: If it were that easy, I'd already have a sister.
Instead, my face hurts.
Dreamweaver: Was it honey BBQ? Because I'd kill a man for that.
Dreamweaver: Like Big Foot, the Loch Ness monsters, and North Dakota.
Dreamweaver: Good, they're all focused on 70s Bush. As they should be.
As they should be.
Dreamweaver: She'll take that secret to the grave.
Dreamweaver: ...Not mine. :(
Dreamweaver: Well, I'm not going to sleep tonight.
Well, that's certainly going to be a night to remember. I hope you had your fill of comments.
Because she sure had her fill of me. :3