You know, I actually said I was going to do an intro blog about myself way back in December when I made my Christmas blog
. So what happened there? Well, lots of things have been happening prior, and lots of things been happening since, and I'd rather not bore you with the details... but one thing I will say is that I felt extremely withdrawn at the time, so making a personal blog wasn't something I could so easily do.
Actually, I've been trying to blog for months now, but either I never found the time, or I felt too... for a lack of a better word, "disheartened" to write one: even now, I'm writing a "my top 5 BlazBlue characters" (because I've been so into the game lately), but I keep putting it off because of the quality. However, while you can expect that to actually be posted somewhere down the line, I decided to take a break from everything and join in on this community call
because I love Destructoid ever since I stumbled onto it, and though I watched from the sidelines, I feel like it's time to introduce myself.
Life is but a Dream... 1 - Dreamweaver
Let's start with my username, since that's what most people really notice you by (other than your avatar). Well, dreams are something that I am not only fascinated with, but also something that inspires me even to this day: whenever I get an awesome dream, I immediately spent my waking hours trying, sometimes desperately
since, as you know, dreams are easily lost... to recall them and jot them down somewhere. Sometimes, my dreams amount to nothing more than just fluff... but sometimes, I can make an entire story out of them, even if they're just one scene.
Hence the moniker "Dreamweaver". Sounds poetic, no? Well, as stupid as it may sound, I try to incorporate the concept of dreams to who I am, kind of like how Batman incorporates bats into his persona: I like to use the Latin phrase "in somnis veritas" ("in dreams, there is truth", as Wikipedia puts it) whenever people talk about analyzing dreams; I named my hard drives and USB sticks "dream catchers"; I say too embarassingly often in others forums whenever it's applicable "wouldn't dream of it."
Speaking of embarassing secrets...
2 - I USED to write fan-fiction
Emphasis on "used"; I used
to write fan-fiction, and for a time, it was all on my mind. Now, it's not that I was embarassed to write them per se... I mean, the quality of my writing was really cring-worthy when I first started, and fan-fiction helped me improve my craft quite a bit... but regardless, that's a part of me that I'm more ashamed to admit. I would rather not link to any of my work, though I think I posted a small sample on here before, but I used to dabble in Dark Souls
, Assassin's Creed
fan fiction because I loved their universe and wanted to do something like the Star Wars Extended Universe
. I even went through the trouble of making them canon to the series.
I haven't finished any of them though: with Dark Souls
, I actually couldn't beat the game, so I thought the story would never get finished; with Assassin's Creed
I think I set the story in a direction I regret and couldn't take back without retconning; and with Pokemon
, which was my first fray into the fiction of fans, the quality was so bad I didn't even want to be associated with it (though I did try to remake it, kind of like Final Fantasy XIV
and Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn
but I think a reboot for a barely read story was something I didn't feel eager to do.) Anyway, the former two stories did have some regular readers, and I feel sad that I abandoned them actually, since they're the ones who gave me advice on writing in general, but I'm sure they moved on.
Speaking of "moving on"...
3 - I still write in my spare time
Though I stopped the fan-fictions for those reasons above, the reason I haven't made a new one (like My Little Pony
, Powerpuff Girls
, and this Pokemon Power Ranger
idea that's been in my head... more on those later) was because I decided to divert more of my attention to more original works. I kind of felt like, instead of readapting my characters to fit their universe, that I should be trying to make my own universe to use. In terms of fan-fiction, I loved the series so much that I wanted to make a tribute in my own way, but at the same time, I wanted my own ideas, not a reimagining of their universe, to be something I want to work on.
At the time of this post, I have fully completed one story (a roughly 18 chapters, 5000 words each project that took too
damn long of me to finish), and is working on a second half of another, but I'm concerned about the quality of them. See, when I posted fan-fiction, I had people reading them and giving some genuine advice, like what I did wrong in terms of execution or if my pacing is poor and pandering, but now that I'm "doing my own, on my own", the biggest thing that scares me is that I'm spending hours a day (usually only two to three, since I got other commitments) working on something that could be utter crap @_@
4 - I read hentai doujinshi for the story
Yes, that's right: sometimes I quite enjoy the tales woven in hentai mangas. In fact, sometimes I actually enjoy them so much that I like to skip past all the adult content just to see what happens next. Now, I'm not saying they're the equalivant those literary accomplishments you'd be forced to read in high school, but I do like some of the characters established in the short sex story, and sometimes the humor can be funny, or the scenes a bit endearing. I wrote a blog about four videogame-related doujinshi that I found to be entertaining (here's part one
and part two
) but what I read aren't just limited to videogames.
But this hobby (and I mean hobby, since I kind of do it on the regular... you can intepret that however you want) isn't too surprising: it's kind of like someone playing through visual novels like Kanon
, Saya no Uta
, or Katawa Shoujo
: they're (presumably) not entirely in it for the sex; they're also, if not only, in it for the story. Unforunately, as I stated in my blogs, a good chunk of the library of hentai mangas are just stories that amounts to "let's have sex" or other variations of it, so finding some that are a bit more than that are rare... but that doesn't mean they don't exist, they're just hard to come across and sometimes aren't where you expect. Actually, one of my favorite mangas just so happens to be brother-sister incest porn.
5 - My favorite fetish is brother-sister incest
And I don't mean "step-siblings" or "we're really close so I'll call you my siblings"... I'm talking (in terms of the story, at least) actual blood relations. There... actually isn't much to say about this, unless you want me to start listing my top ten fetishes (yes, I have over ten)... but the reason that I'm mentioning this at all is because my fetish for my non-existent sister has, believe or not, fueled some of my creative juices... and I don't mean that as an euphemism for something so crude. Inspired by one of my favorite hentai manga, I actually wrote an entire story about two close siblings who eventually starts dating (this is the story I actually completed: the 18 chapter project I mentioned earlier).
It started off as a short story that wasn't really meant to be more than a couple of chapters, but I kept building on it and building on it by adding more characters and more subplots until I had enough to probably make a 13 episode anime series... as an estimate, at least. Some of it is padding, but I try to inject a lot of humor into it (since when am I ever going to make jokes about a brother-sister incest couple?) in addition to the drama. Again, I don't actually know the quality of it, because no one has actually seen it but me and the occassional student who happens to peek at my computer screen in the school library... but I know for sure that the first few chapters are rough and I've yet to edit it, but I can see I got better-ish as I progressed. How can I call it finished if I have yet to edit it? Well...
6 - I want to write a visual novel Katawa Shoujo by Four Leaf Studios
Now that the bulk of the story is done, I want to somehow readapt the story into a visual novel as my first actual project, having been inspired by Christine Love's and Four Leaf Studios's works (Digital: A Love Story
and Katawa Shoujo
, respectively). However, I've been discouraged from actually starting for several reasons: one of which is because I want to tackle other writing projects on my mind, as I figured that if I can't make a visual novel, at least I can try to make them into a light novel book... but the other, as you can assume, is because I can't draw :(. I mean, I could probably learn to program (I'm going to start some classes in community college, for whatever that's worth, next semester), and the Ren'Py engine looks simple enough even without the background, but if I can't draw, it's pretty much all for naught (and I'm assuming
my writing is even up to snuff).
Also, the story wasn't really meant to be a visual novel, as the main character have only decision to make: to continue dating his sister, or to date the proverbial girl next door. However, I'm sure I can write extra scenarios, this time have the main character lean towards one girl or the other, but it might seem forced. The second project I'm working on (I'm halfway done with it... supposefully) is more the type to be a visual novel, since there are more than two girls... but at the same time, the main character isn't supposed to end up with any girl but the main one because of the plot twist, and obviously, that doesn't make this an exciting game. I have to figure everything out, and honestly, it's a bit disheartening to even think about.
7 - I like pretend I'm in the show when I watch TV
This is one of my more embarassing secrets, and I never told anyone
before, so consider yourself lucky: whenever I watch one of my favorite television programs, I like to "assume" the role of one of the characters and pretend my version of a character is taking their place. For example, whenever I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
, I pick a character in an episode and instead replace them with a character I made up, and I talk back to the television set as though I'm an actor on stage with others: I watch with subtitles on so I know when the character is about to speak and what my lines would be, and that I would ad-lib so it would match what my character would say.
What's even more embarassing to admit? I actually get a bit into it: the character I play has his own quirks, including a catch phrase "this is so not good." Most episodes, I replace the main lead Twilight Sparkle, and since most episodes involves something going awry before the show cuts to commerical, I actually say the catch phrase; worse yet, I actually have multiple variations of it by inflecting different tones and emphasizing different words, like "this is sooooo not good...", "this is
so not good", "thisissonotgood, "good, this is so not," etc. Alright, I can hear you laughing at me, so I'll just move on.
8 - I'm pretty shy in real life I tried to get a picture of Platinum when she/he wore the cloak, but couldn't find one
Despite how "loud" I am on online forums and such, in real life I'm akin to a meek little mouse who only squeaks when needed. In fact, I actually walk around, even in hot, humid weather, with an oversized jacket with a hood over my head because I'm too shy to make eye contact with anyone: when people talk to me directly, I have to stare away because their gazes are like Medusa's to me: I practically turn to stone, and I am rarely able to keep my composure. Unforunately, and this happens on more than one occassion, I've been stopped by police officers on campus (and rightfully so, I suppose) because I look suspicious, and the fact that I can't reply and have to look away makes me even more suspicious.
Thankfully, nothing ever happened, but I'm sure their eyes follow me whenever I walk around. I even wear the hood during class unless the teacher explicitly tells me to take it off, and when I have to, I become a nervous mess. As you can figure, I have this low, quiet voice, mostly because I'm ashamed at how my voice sounds: it's certainly unique and recognizable, but in a bad way. This, coupled with my lack of self-confidence, makes me avoid people in real life, wheras online, it's more of my true personality where I'm more inclined to express myself. Oddly enough, I'm not "entirely" shy to the point that I can't do nothing in front of others: I recently took a public speaking course and got an A, even managing to be the best of the class because I'm not shy enough to speak. Go figure.
9 - I like anime/videogames girls enough to buy their respective products I See Pretty Girls Everywhere I Go
So we already established that I'll be foreveralone, and like most people like me, we all have a list of waifus that we like to dream about (I plan on making that blog eventually). However, and I'm sure some of us might've done it, but I actually bought games just because it had a pretty lady on it: Blazblue
is probably one of my more favorite fighting game series, and yet the only reason I got into it wasn't because it was from the creators of Guilty Gear
(because the only one I've played was that awful DS spin-off) but because Noel Vermillion and Litchi Faye-Ling somewhat seduced me into the series (funny enough, neither ended up being my top 5 favorite characters).
And this isn't just an occassional thing: I've done it so often that I'm almost embarassed by it; in fact, I'm only entertaining the idea of buying Bound by Flame
because there's a witch that looks hot. Other games that had me smitten include Nier
for Kaine, Dragon Age: Origins
for Morrigan, Kid Icarus: Uprising
for Palutena... and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Sure, I loved all of those games, but I can't deny that I would've given most of them a try without a gorgerous gal enticing me to. Still, it would help me feel more at ease if you guys listed off whether you've been affected by this as well because...
10 - You reading my blog makes my day
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're reading my blogs. I don't post much because I'm busy with my other original projects, and that I don't want to write a blog that's more or less a dime a dozen, but whenever I do come up with something to write, it makes me a bit happy to know someone read it. I do put a lot of work into this, trying to wordsmith because I like my sentences to flow a certain way, so it's nice to know that it wasn't just for nothing. I don't need to have my blogs promoted to feel happy (though the few times it happened I'm quite ectastic), so if you're reading this, I just want to thank you for at least acknowledging this blog's existence, and hopefully you know a bit more about this random guy posting around.
- "Petals dance for our valediction and synchronize to your frozen pulsation...
Swirling wind sings for our reunion and 9.8 is my acceleration." - Mili
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