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Destructoid forums Werewolf Game 9: a recap (part 1)


The following is a retelling of the recent game of Werewolf on the Destructoid forums. It was Team Fortress 2 themed, where thirteen of the sixteen players were BLU mercenaries, and the other three were RED Spies, bent on destroying the BLU team through stealth and subterfuge. If you're interested in joining us, then head over to the Werewolf thread on our forums and throw your name in the ring. If you just want to read some (read: a lot of) Team Fortress 2 fanfiction starring some of our own community members, then just read on.

Planning Phase 1 - Gravel Pit - Attacking

The BLU mercenaries gathered in the safe room, each looking over the BLUeprints of the embattled area. The evil RED team was guarding a key defense tower, which kept airborne support from reaching further on down the war front. Before BLU could take the tower, they needed to control the two buildings in front of it. One of the buildings was marked A and the other B; it only seemed natural to mark the defense tower C.

The team would split up into three Squads. Squad Alpha would assault building A, Squad Bravo would assault building B, while Squad Charlie would have to infiltrate behind and make sure that the defenses at tower C were kept weak so that the entire team could regroup and make a final push once A and B fell. It was a solid plan. One that could only be thwarted by an unhealthy dose of treachery...

"Mission begins in sixty seconds!"

After the lead Pyro ProlificDream set the Squads, there was some dissent from the rest of the BLU team. "Two Heavies on one Squad with no Medics? Are you crazy?" Some said they should change the Squads on the next mission; some said they should keep the Squads the same. Some accused others of being RED Spies. Some accused the Team Leader herself of being a RED Spy. They discussed how terrible it would be for a RED Spy to choose the Squads for the mission.

"Mission begins in ten seconds!"

They couldn't bicker any longer. It was time to steel themselves for the upcoming mission. A latecoming Demoman shouted, "Ach, we can't star' blowin' each other up just yet, mates! No trial today!" The others realized he was right. For now, there was a job to do, and they were going to go out there and do the best they could.

"Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one..."

Action Phase 1

"Attaaaaaaack!" Control Point A was in an elevated position, with ramps up toward it on either flank. Alpha Squad's make up was well suited to the symmetry. Artful-dodgeR ran ahead, then returned with the situation. The control point was being guarded by a few RED Snipers, an Engineer, and a Heavy sitting on an endless supply of bullets. Making a sloppy push would put them out in the open, so usedtabe and Scroll slowly inched out from behind the shacks dotting the landscape, one on either side. "On my mark," said usedtabe to his teammate, "Mark!" A single round was fired from either rifle, and across the battlefield, two RED Snipers fell to the ground, a mess of flesh and bone where their heads were just seconds before. Mr 3man and djnealb charged forward, one on either side of the point, miniguns spinning in anticipation. The RED Heavy saw Mr 3man coming, and spewed hundreds of rounds in his direction. With his attention on pinning Mr 3man down, he had his back to djnealb, who closed in enough to press the hot metal against the RED Heavy's back before opening fire and tearing him to pieces. With both BLU Heavies converging on the point, they made quick work of the sentry gun and its frantic Engineer. Control Point A fell shortly. "Success. We have been awarded additional time." Now the team would just have to move to the tower at C and hope things went well with the other Squads.

Control Point B is a more defensible building, with small entrances at the front and back that were almost certainly being watched and trapped. ClownBaby overhealed BlackSunEmpire, who used his additional protection to detonate a sticky grenade and launch himself to the top of the building, where the was a hidden entrance, and a weakness in the building's defenses. Unfortunately, a RED Soldier saw BlackSunEmpire, and he rocket jumped to meet for a duel on top of the building. With his bazooka trained on the BLU Demoman, the RED Soldier was about to squeeze the trigger when a shot was fired from faraway, penetrating his chest and exploding his heart. "Thanks for standin' still, wanker!" was all that Mighty Hatman had to say. With the roof clear, BlackSunEmpire was able to drop a dozen or so grenades into the building, destroying a the building's sentry gun and dispenser in the process. "I am fully charged!" shouted ClownBaby with his medigun was now trained on Austin_SJ. The duo ran into the front door of the building, immune to the bullets and explosives being thrown their direction. Austin_SJ set the defenders on fire, sending them into a panic, fleeing out the back door. Waiting for them there was Muckfoot and his fully upgraded sentry, which cut down each burning RED within seconds from fleeing the building. Control Point B belonged to BLU now. Bravo team pushed onward to meet up at C.

There appeared to be a dozen Engineers and a handful of Pyros guarding Control Point C. ZombiePlatypus disguised himself as a RED Pyro and used his technological expertise to destroy the teleporters that were transporting RED mercenaries up to the defense tower. Though they were cut off from backup, they had enough dispensers to sustain themselves, so FromTheRiver and Tarvu maintained a sustained volley of grenades into the tower, weakening their defenses. However, the RED Engineers were diligent, and although they were pinned down, they were able to repair their sentries and dispensers despite the carpet bombing from the BLU Demomen. ByronicMan took a more direct approach; he charged forward, aimed his rocket launcher at the ground under his feet, and let the force of the explosion carry him to the top of the tower, where he fired off a few rockets before running out and jumping back down. Badly hurt from the explosion and the subsequent fall, ByronicMan limped over to Bizarro, who fixed his wounds, and said, "Let's go get it!" Bizarro activated his ▄bercharge, and ByronicMan rocket jumped back up the tower. Knowing he had the upper hand, he proceeded to bash each Engineer's skull in with his shovel, one at a time. Soon enough, his protection was gone, but not before he had laid waste to every RED Engineer in sight. However, there were two RED Pyros guarding the capture point, ready to set him on fire if he stepped any closer. The first shouted "Mmmmph!" and began to charge, and the second followed shortly after. Just as Byronic Man was ready to risk broken legs and jump back down the tower, the first Pyro stopped in his tracks and fell over forward, with a butterfly knife planted in his back. ZombiePlatypus pulled it out, wiped it clean, and merely said, "Gentlemen," while giving a nod to the BLU Soldier he just saved.

The plan went off without a hitch. The defense tower was shortly in BLU control. But the REDs were sure to counterattack. A new plan would have to be formed in order to hold the asset they so recently acquired.

Nobody was killed.

Planning Phase 2 - Gravel Pit - Defending

Mission begins in sixty seconds!

Despite the fact that the previous mission went flawlessly, there has been some infighting among the BLU mercenaries. Pyro ProlificDream and Chinese Sniper usedtabe were at each other's throats, each accusing the other of secretly working for the REDs. Once again, a BLU team member had to intervene to prevent anybody from killing each other, but this time it was the Heavy djnealb. "No fighting!" he exclaimed.

Mission begins in ten seconds!

In the haste to prepare, Team Leader Bizarro decided to keep the same Squads that worked so well in taking the three capture points. This time they would be defending those very points, but hopefully that wouldn't make too much of a difference...

Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one...

Action Phase 2

It made sense to send the same squads to defend the same locations that they just recently grabbed from the REDs. These Squads have already worked together, and they already knew the lay of the land.

Squad Apple set up at point A, with Heavy djnealb covering the right choke point and Heavy Mr 3man covering the left one. Further back, Sniper Scroll was watching djnealb's back and Sniper usedtabe was covering Mr 3man, each sweeping his gaze across the battlefield through the high powered scope on top of his rifle. Scout Artful-dodgeR was set to run circles around the control point, making sure nobody hit Squad Apple's flanks.

The siren blared, and the battle began. Mr 3man and djnealb opened fire at the incoming REDs, tearing the initial Scouts and Pyros to shreds with a seemingly endless supply of hot metal. A dreadful sound emanated from the attackers' position: a distinctly German accent proclaiming, "I am fully charged!" The two BLU Heavies caught a glimpse of a RED Heavy on his way, being trailed by a RED Medic. "Now, doctor!" shouted the RED Heavy as he charged into the fray, minigun spinning up. But just as the RED Medic was about to deploy his ▄bercharge, his head exploded into a fine red mist. "Say goodbye to your head, wanker!" taunted Mr 3man. Before the RED Heavy could realize he had no protection, his head flew apart from the single shot from usedtabe. As usedtabe was carving another notch into his rifle, Artful-dodgeR saw a BLU Demoman materialize behind usedtabe. With no time to warn usedtabe, Artful-dodgeR smacked a baseball directly at the supposed Demoman's head while sprinting toward the two. usedtabe knew what it meant when he heard the baseball make contact with a human skull behind him. He quickly turned around, doused the Demoman with a jar of urine and then ducked as Artful-dodgeR double-jumped over his head and beat the disguised RED Spy to death with his baseball bat. Point A was successfully defended.

Squad Banana was set up at Point B, ready to stop any REDs from retaking control. Engineer Muckfoot and Demoman BlackSunEmpire were busy constructing defenses inside the main building, while Sniper Mighty Hatman set up camp behind a large boulder overlooking a long hallway that the REDs would have to pass through in order to assault Point B. Pyro Austin_SJ and Medic ClownBaby would camp at the other entrance to the battlefield, waiting to burn any RED mercenaries to death.

The siren rang out, and a wave of Pyros rushed out of the very entrance that ClownBaby and Austin_SJ were guarding. Knowing that Austin_SJ's flamethrower would have little effect on the enemy Pyros, Austin_SJ pulled out his fire axe, and ClownBaby dropped his Medigun in favor of his bonesaw. With the element of surprise on their side, they closed in on the Pyros charging toward the point and each hacked one to pieces with his chosen blade. When the leader of the RED Pyros realized what had happened, he turned around and readied his flamethrower, just in time to have his head scissored off--from the left by Austin_SJ's axe, and from the right by ClownBaby's bonesaw. On the other side of the battlefield, Mighty Hatman had the long hall way locked down. A RED Soldier peeked his head out. BAM! Soldier down. A RED Demoman followed suit. BAM! Demoman down. It seemed nobody would make it through Mighty Hatman's gauntlet, until a RED Scout sprinted around the corner, so quickly that he seemed a blur. Mighty Hatman couldn't get a bead on the Scout, and in the confusion he missed seeing the RED Sniper setting up at the far end of the hall. The RED Sniper missed his shot by a few inches, knocking Mighty Hatman's mighty hat off, and pinning him down behind the boulder. The last wave of RED mercenaries flooded down the hallway. The troop of RED Soldiers headed toward the building housing Point B. Two ran in headfirst only to be met by Muckfoot's fully upgraded sentry gun, which easily cut them down. The third RED Soldier was a bit smarter, launching himself to the top of the building to wreak havoc through the hole in the roof. After launching a couple of rockets at Muckfoot's sentry and reducing it to a pile of scrap metal, he dropped through the hole in the roof, expecting to make quick work of the Engineer inside. Before his feet even touched the ground, the last RED Soldier was reduced to a sloppy pile of flesh by BlackSunEmpire's sticky bomb trap. Knowing about the weakness in the building's structure, he had lined the ceiling with grenades, ready to destroy anybody who dropped in. Point B was defended.

Point C was in little danger of being taken with forward Points A and B defended so well, but Squad Cherry had to set up to make sure no infiltrators would steal Point C from under their noses. Demomen FromTheRiver and Tarvu both decided to set sticky grenades on the defense tower as a last resort; if BLU couldn't hold the tower, then at least they would destroy it before RED could retake it. Spy ZombiePlatypus disguised himself as a RED Scout and disappeared from sight. Soldier Byronic Man and Pyro ProlificDream would patrol the perimeter, with Medic Bizarro keeping them healthy in case of attack.

For the first few minutes after hearing the siren, things were quiet around Point C. The others must have done their jobs well. Suddenly, a couple of RED Scouts showed themselves, after having evaded the defenses at the other two points. Byronic Man spotted the first, and sent a rocket straight at his chest. The RED Scout jumped out of the way, letting it hit the wall behind him, propelling him toward Byronic. The RED Scout emptied a handful of shotgun shells into Byronic's stomach, but Bizarro was there to patch him up and keep him from bleeding out. ProlificDream airblasted the Scout backwards, where he hit a wall and became dazed. The injured RED Scout shouted to his teammate, "Let's go, chucklehead!" His teammate nodded, and then put a revolver to the injured Scout's head, blasting a hole in one ear canal and out the other. ZombiePlatypus looked pleased with himself. The celebration didn't last too long, when a single RED Demoman showed up, quickly grenade jumping to the top of the tower where the two BLU Demomen waited. The RED Demoman launched a few grenades at the sticky bombs set up, sending them showering off the tower, and destroying the trap that was set. Intent on destroying the RED Demoman who threatened to take the control point, Tarvu and FromTheRiver unsheathed their swords and closed in. FromTheRiver got the first strike in; it was a flesh wound that disabled the RED Demoman's left arm. A well-placed grenade from the RED Demoman sent FromTheRiver flying off the tower. His legs would have been broken had it not been for Bizarro waiting to heal him immediately upon landing. The other BLU team members raced up the tower to aid Tarvu, but when they got there, they found that their help wasn't needed. Tarvu's sword was planted directly into the RED Demoman's (formerly) good eye, with the blade emerging a good six inches out the back of his skull. Point C was defended.

There were no deaths, again.

Planning Phase 3 - Dust Bowl - Attacking

The RED mercenaries guard a highly destructive ICBM at Dust Bowl. There are three stages to get through in order to take the missile launch site. Each Squad will be assigned to one of the stages. If all three Squads are successful, the BLU team will take the ICBM.

Mission begins in sixty seconds!

Riding high on their victory at Gravel Pit, the BLU team decided to stick with the Squads that proved so successful taking the defense tower. Now, to take the ICBM.

Mission begins in ten seconds!

The growing dissent over Pyro ProlificDream's loyalty came nearly to a head, despite her help in beating back the REDs at Gravel Pit. Some were ready to string her up, but a deadlocked vote made the BLU team reconsider, heading to Dust Bowl with slight doubts.

Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one...

ProlificDream was not hanged.

The BLU team readied themselves for the upcoming fight. The tried and true Squads from the first two missions would assault the missile launch site. Squad Aufbau would push from the BLU team's cave to the RED team's safe house where Squad Br°nsted would set up. They would then push to the next RED base of operations to allow Squad Curie to group up and make the final assault on the launch site.

Action Phase 3

The first stage of the attack was pretty straightforward. There were two heavily defended buildings between Squad Aufbau and the RED safe house. Scout Artful-dodgeR would run ahead to let the team know what they were up against. Heavies djnealb and Mr 3man would brute force their ways into the buildings, while Snipers Scroll and usedtabe would watch their backs for any RED Spies.

The siren rang out and the gates opened. Artful-dodgeR sprinted toward the first building to find an RED Engineer working on a fully upgraded sentry gun, a RED Pyro protecting him from BLU Spies, and a RED Soldier watching the two entrances. Artful-dodgeR shouted to the Heavies about what they were up against before taking off toward the next building. Mr 3man and djnealb charged into the first building, miniguns spinning up in anticipation. The RED Engineer and Pyro were no match for the hail of bullets, but the RED Soldier fired a rocket directly at the BLU Heavies' feet, knocking them twenty feet backward, out the door they came in. As the RED Soldier exited in pursuit, his head vaporized, thanks to a well placed shot from usedtabe. With no living REDs defending the first building, the only thing left was the automated sentry gun to deal with. Scroll made his way up the battlefield, catching glimpse of the sentry through an open window. With one shot, he disabled the gun's targeting, and with a second, he detonated its rocket supply, destroying it from the inside out. Ahead, Artful-dodgeR found the second building to be completely undefended, though some REDs were on their way from the safe house toward it. With his quickness, Artful-dodgeR captured the second building, and put its heavy weaponry to use against the charging REDs, mopping them up with ease. The first stage was a success.

With the first safe house secured, Squad Br°nsted set up to take the next one, while Squad Aufbau rested after a job well done. The second stage features a single defensive building, then a maze of tunnels leading to the second safe house. Medic ClownBaby and Demoman BlackSunEmpire would assault the building while Pyro Austin_SJ would watch the tunnel exits and burn any RED reinforcements that passed through. Sniper Mighty Hatman would survey the battle from afar while Engineer Muckfoot would set up an automated sentry gun near Hatman to keep him safe from a sneak attack.

After the gates opened, BlackSunEmpire charged toward the building with ClownBaby following. Inside, they were met by several RED Engineers and their sentries. ClownBaby instinctively activated his ▄bercharge, and as the bullets and rockets bounced harmlessly off the BLU mercenaries' bodies, BlackSunEmpire launched a volley of grenades at the Engineer setup, reducing it all to rubble and sending shrapnel into most of the attending RED Engineers. With one Engineer left, BlackSunEmpire took a swig of whiskey and promptly smashed the bottle over the RED Engineer's head. A few RED Scouts came rushing out of the tunnels toward the building, but were barbecued by Austin_SJ's flamethrower before they could make three steps out of the tunnels. After the building fell, the Squad regrouped with Austin_SJ, where Muckfoot set up a dispenser to replenish everybody's health and ammunition. Mighty Hatman was assigned to the long, straight hallway, where he easily popped a few RED heads without breaking a sweat. BlackSunEmpire and ClownBaby entered the opposite tunnel, which led them to a single Heavy guarding the RED safe house, with his minigun trained on the intruders. The RED Heavy beat the duo back, but while he was watching them retreat to the dispenser, he missed the lone Sniper on his far right flank, at least until his brains were painting the wall to his left. The second stage was successful.

The third stage was much more defensible than the first two, so Squad Curie was brought in while Squad Br°nsted healed up from the previous encounter. Several long gauntlets met the BLU team before they could take the launch site, so teamwork would be required for this stage of the mission. Soldier Byronic Man and Demomen Tarvu and FromTheRiver would lead the charge with more concentrated explosives than the REDs have seen, while Medic Bizarro would follow the three and make sure they didn't lose any more eyes. Pyro ProlificDream would bring up the rear to set fire to any would-be flankers, and Spy ZombiePlatypus would try to take the underground route to weaken their defenses for the final onslaught.

When the gates opened, Squad Curie rushed forward as one cohesive unit. To their chagrin, they were met by a team of RED Scouts. Though they would go down easily enough when hit, the BLU Soldier's and Demomen's explosives were too slow and cumbersome to land a single hit. The RED Scouts peppered the BLUs with scattergun shot before diving out of the way of errant rockets and grenades. As a quick change of plans, ProlificDream took point and laid down a wall of flame that ignited the RED Scouts, who retreated in a panic before the pain was too much to bear and they collapsed to die. Squad Curie reformed with the explosives experts up front, pushing forward while ZombiePlatypus cloaked and slipped down the underground tunnel. At the end of a long, straight corridor, several RED Engineers had a phalanx of sentry guns set up, trained on the other end of the hallway. While the Tarvu and FromTheRiver could lob a few grenades toward the sentries, the RED Engineers were able to keep them running effectively enough to pin down Squad Curie. Bizarro activated his ▄bercharge and pressed forward, absorbing hundreds of bullets and dozens of rockets, allowing Byronic Man and the Demomen to launch a sustained assault of explosives on the Engineers' bunker. Bizarro's ▄bercharge ran out with a single sentry gun still standing, and three RED Engineers working to keep it operational. Just before it launched four rockets at Bizarro's face, one of the RED Engineers exclaimed, "Spy sappin' my sentry!" ZombiePlatypus revealed himself to the other two Engineers with two quick backstabs, while his sapper slowly drained the sentry's energy. Byronic Man, Tarvu, and FromTheRiver all showed their appreciation by firing a single explosive each at the crippled sentry, mangling it into a pile of scrap heap.

After passing down the corridor together, the launch site was in view, with a single RED Medic typing furiously while a robotic voice counted down the seconds until launch. Squad Curie rushed forward together to stop the launch, and in their haste they didn't see the sticky bomb trap on the bridge leading to the launch site. When the hidden RED Demoman set off the remote mines, Squad Curie was blasted in different directions. Some were blasted backward, some fell down the small crevasse under the bridge, but one lucky BLU was propelled forward, directly into the RED Medic. The momentum pushed the Medic into the giant "Abort Launch" button behind him, breaking his neck. The launch was averted, but as Squad Curie was getting their heads on straight and regrouping, they realized that they were short a teammate. After a quick search, they found him. Sitting in a pool of his own blood in a small alcove near the launch site was a BLU Soldier with a knife stuck directly in his forehead. Pinned there by the knife was a small note, written in red, that simply said, "DEATH TO BLU".

Byronic Man was killed.

Planning Phase 4 - Dust Bowl - Defending

As the BLU team took the missile launch site, the RED mercenaries were planning a huge counteroffensive. Intelligence suggests that it would be more RED mercenaries than the BLUs had fought before. The BLUs would not be able to hold the REDs at either of the first two stages, but the best they could hope to do is weaken the attackers enough that they could keep control of the launch site.

Mission begins in sixty seconds!

The distrust for ProlificDream had not waned since the BLU team had last regrouped for planning. The fact that Byronic Man was in her squad when he was killed was only further evidence that she may be a traitor. The BLU team voted almost unanimously to have her killed.

Mission begins in ten seconds!

Although she pleaded to be innocent until the end, the sentence was passed, and she would be executed. The team stripped her of her flamethrower, shotgun, and fire axe, and as she stood unarmed, usedtabe gave one quick slice with her own axe, lopping off her head with little effort. As the BLU team watched, they expected to see her transform into a RED Spy, but were disgusted to discover that they had just murdered one of their own teammates.

Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one...

ProlificDream was hanged. She was a BLU Pyro.

Action Phase 4

Squad Anteater set up to slow down the RED mercenaries as much as they could at the first stage of Dust Bowl. There were three entrances to the battlefield; Heavies djnealb and Mr 3man set up outside the left and the right entrances, respectively, while Snipers usedtabe and Scroll hung back with their eyes on the middle. Scout Artful-dodgeR was set to run ammunition to the Heavies to make sure they could sustain fire on the entrances as long as possible.

When the mission began, djnealb and Mr 3man opened fire at the choke points and didn't let up, even when it seemed clear. Floods of unsuspecting REDs came running, only to be torn to shreds by dozens of rounds from the miniguns. A few more savvy RED mercenaries decided to sneak through the middle, only to be met with tandem rifle shots from usedtabe and Scroll. Most of the REDs who exited from the center ended up with two bullets deeply embedded in their brains, one entering through each eye. Artful-dodgeR was a blur, collecting ammo and bringing it to the four shooters, taunting the REDs the entire time. Clearly disturbed by the taunts, two Heavies with Medics in tow met djnealb and Mr 3man at their respective entrances. After a split second of ineffectual fire, djnealb called for BLU to retreat. It was not a moment too soon, because the two RED Medics activated their ▄bercharges simultaneously, but with the BLU Squad retreating, the RED Heavies couldn't decide whether to follow in pursuit or hold still to fire at the running enemies. Before they could decide, Squad Anteater had found safety, and the RED mercenaries pressed on.

At the second stage, Squad Beaver decided that the tunnels would be the best place to ambush the incoming REDs. Sniper Mighty Hatman took the far right tunnel since it was long and straight, while Pyro Austin_SJ decided to cover the central tunnels, which offered enough corners for him to catch the REDs by surprise. Demoman BlackSunEmpire and Medic ClownBaby set up grenades in the far left tunnel, which left Engineer Muckfoot set up a sentry overlooking the exits of the tunnels.

The REDs rushed toward the first building, expecting resistance but finding none. Thinking the second stage may be abandoned, they charged into the tunnels. Mighty Hatman spied one of the Heavy-Medic teams that cleared out the first stage, and with an expertly placed shot, he fired over the RED Heavy's shoulder, catching the RED Medic directly up his left nostril. Enraged, the Heavy opened fire on Mighty Hatman, but at such a distance, he was easily put down before many of his bullets caught Mighty Hatman's body. The other Heavy-Medic team had gone through the left tunnel, where they noticed the sticky bombs a moment too late, before decorating the walls of the tunnel with their entrails. A few RED Scouts made their way through the central tunnels, only to be caught off guard and burned by Austin_SJ. One RED Scout ran back in the direction he came from, while the other tried to push further, despite his on-fire status. The first collapsed just a few steps from a life saving health pack, while the second was met with a rocket to the gut from Muckfoot's sentry. A RED (NPC) Spy materialized behind Muckfoot, placing a sapper on the sentry and raising his arm up, ready to stab Muckfoot. Thinking quickly, Muckfoot parried the attack and smashed his wrench over the RED (NPC) Spy's nose, caving it in and causing him to bleed to death. After the struggle, he didn't have enough time to knock the sapper off of his sentry before it was destroyed. A wave of RED Soldier's was on its way, and the first entered BlackSunEmpire's tunnel. Grenades were fired one direction, while a glowing rocket flew the other direction. An instant before the rocket impacted BlackSunEmpire's chest, ClownBaby activated his ▄bercharge. Though it saved BlackSunEmpire's life, the duo was knocked back and out of the tunnel. Beaten back and missing their backup sentry, Squad Beaver was forced to retreat. They could only hope that the remaining RED mercenaries numbered few enough that Squad Caribou could handle them.

Squad Caribou was assigned to be the last defense at the missile site. Only four remained on Squad Caribou, so they decided to spread out to make it seem like their force was greater than it actually was. Spy ZombiePlatypus would take the most forward position to try and blend in with the RED team and take a few out before they could get far. Demomen Tarvu and FromTheRiver would each cover one leg of the gauntlet toward the missile, setting up traps along the way. Medic Bizarro would be the last defense at the missile, making sure it was sent to the RED headquarters before it could be retaken. The four went to their posts and waited for the mission to begin.

While the four waited, isolated from one another, FromTheRiver set up a wall of grenades that would stop an elephant. He heard footsteps behind him, and felt a sharp sting in his back, then nothing. The blade severed his spine, cutting off the connection from his brain to the rest of his body. As he fell over, he was able to catch a glimpse of his killer, standing directly on his sticky bombs. If only he could will his hand to set them off, he could destroy this traitor. The most he could do is let out an accusatory "You..." before his life ended.

The RED Soldiers that overran Squad Beaver were first out of the gates, followed by a sword-wielding Demoman and an Engineer carrying a minisentry. Quickly evaluating the situation, ZombiePlatypus materialized and stabbed the two RED Soldiers with lightning speed and a surgeon's precision. Seeing that the RED Engineer deployed his minisentry, ZombiePlatypus had no choice but to cloak and hope that his teammates could stop the remaining two RED mercenaries. The Demoknight pressed on, meeting Tarvu head on. The RED Demoman charged with his sword held high and his shield squarely in front of him. As the two collided, Tarvu was knocked backward, detonating the remote bombs he had set at his feet, just before being knocked unconscious. The RED Demoman was reduced to giblets, and the lone RED Engineer was able to mosey past both BLU Demomen, one knocked out and one dead. Bizarro had begun the countdown, and went to meet the Engineer on the bridge leading to the launch site. Bonesaw met wrench in a splended display of melee combat. Bizarro managed to disarm the Engineer, who still wore a suspicious smile. With his wrench gone, the Engineer pulled the shotgun off of his back and let a blast go, grazing Bizarro's arm. Outmatched, Bizarro retreated, giving the RED Engineer just enough time to reprogram the ICBM launch coordinates to their original settings: aimed directly at the BLU capital.

The missile launched, and the BLU team could only watch as it headed toward their base of operations.

FromTheRiver was killed.

Planning Phase 5 - Granary

With the missile launched at the BLU homeland, their only chance at salvation would be to utilize the missile defense system disguised as a granary. However, across from BLU's missile defense were RED's countermeasures (also disguised as a granary), which would neutralize BLU's missile defense. BLU had to take RED's granary and hold it long enough to shoot the ICBM out of the sky.

The BLU team gathered in the safe room to discuss the failure at Dust Bowl and to plan their next move. Squad Chimpanzee should have been able to stop the last of the RED team from making it through to the launch site, and they would have, if Demoman FromTheRiver hadn't been viciously betrayed and murdered by a traitor among them. Bizarro was called out as one of the three remaining in his squad, but in the end, the BLU team didn't have enough evidence to convict him. They had an important mission to plan, to stop the nuke from hitting their homeland.

Bizarro was saved.

Mission begins in sixty seconds!

The BLU team knew that one of either Bizarro, Tarvu, or ZombiePlatypus was a dirty RED Spy. The problem was that they didn't know which it was. It was decided that to be safe, they would keep the trio together so no others could be harmed.

Mission begins in ten seconds!

Between the two military buildings disguised as granaries, there were two areas to control. Squad Ascorbic Acid would take the centrally located loading dock, Squad Beta Carotene would assault RED's front building, and the ever-trustworthy Squad Cholecalciferol had the honor of making the final push to disable RED's missile defense countermeasures.

Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one...

Action Phase 5

The sirens signaled the start of the mission, and the Squads rushed forward to their posts. Scout Artful-dodgeR was first to reach the loading dock by far, and he immediately started setting up defenses. He met the first wave of the RED mercenaries, a couple of Engineers hoping to set up defenses before the BLUs could get a foothold. Each of the two Engineers dropped a minisentry in hopes that it would chase Artful-dodgeR away, but he quickly dispatched the contraptions with his scattergun. "I broke your stupid crap, moron!" he shouted at them before turning his scattergun to the Engineers themselves, shooting one in the chest, then jumping high into the air before kicking the second square in the jaw. By that point, a RED Pyro and Demoman showed up, and just as they were about to fire on Artful-dodgeR, they flew backward, arrows lodged in each of their skulls. Snipers usedtabe and Scroll brought their bows along this mission, expecting to require quick shooting in relatively close quarters. A RED Sniper showed himself across the gap, taking a shot with his rifle and narrowly missing usedtabe. The two BLU Snipers ducked into cover just in time for Heavies Mr 3man and djnealb to show up and start laying down sustained fire. The RED Sniper was torn to shreds, and there was no way BLU would lose this position now.

Pyro Austin_SJ led the charge to the forward defensive building, with Medic ClownBaby in tow. Upon entering the garage door to the second control point, ClownBaby activated his ▄bercharge, and it was a good thing. Two RED Heavies stood guard inside the building and their barrage of bullets had no effect on Austin_SJ as he closed the distance between them and charred them to pure carbon. A RED Pyro got in close, knowing he had protection from fire, and he airblasted Austin_SJ and ClownBaby apart, making them vulnerable. As the RED Pyro descended upon ClownBaby, Demoman BlackSunEmpire launched an expertly aimed grenade that arced over ClownBaby and detonated on contact with the RED Pyro's gas mask. Though he was protected from fire, he was no so lucky against explosives. Celebrating his kill, BlackSunEmpire did not notice the RED (NPC) Spy materialize behind him with knife in hand. Mighty Hatman did, but was too close for a rifle shot, so he unsheathed his kukri and sliced the RED (NPC) Spy's head clean off. Engineer Muckfoot set up a dispenser to replenish and heal the team, then a fully loaded sentry gun to ensure that this position would not be lost.

The final Squad of three made their way to the RED granary, to disable their electronic countermeasures and save the BLU capital from a missile strike. With each Squad member no longer trusting the other two, they decided to each take separate routes into the control room. Spy ZombiePlatypus disappeared from sight, Demoman Tarvu went left, and Medic Bizarro went right. The control center was surprisingly undefended, and as Tarvu and Bizarro both raced to the console from either side, and upon seeing each other, they simultaneously realized it might be a trap. Each flipping around so they would be standing back to back, they expected to see ZombiePlatypus materialize in the room with them, ready to assassinate one.

He never showed himself.

Finally realizing what had happened to their teammate, the two turned to face one another, bonesaw in Bizarro's hand and broken whiskey bottle in Tarvu's. The two swung at each other in a strange dance. One would lunge while the other would parry, and then counter with his own swing. As the two battled on, they heard a familiar voice counting down. "Five, four, three, two, one! YOU FAIL." In their haste to kill the other, they had neglected the mission. RED's countermeasures were still online, disabling BLU's missile defense system. Neither Tarvu nor Bizarro was able to kill the other, but the BLU team was delayed long enough for the ICBM to hit the BLU capital, flattening it with the strength of a million tons of conventional explosives.

When the rest of the BLU mercenaries caught up to Squad Cholecalciferol, they found ZombiePlatypus, dressed in his best suit, with a trickle of blood running down the back. Whoever did this was the same man who murdered FromTheRiver earlier, but it wasn't clear which of the two was the traitor. All that was left to do was to gather the body and return to base, planning the next move.

ZombiePlatypus was killed.

Planning Phase 6 - Gold Rush

The BLU team decided to retaliate by delivering an explosive of their own to key RED strongholds. The first would be at Gold Rush. Unfortunately, BLU lacked missiles, so they would go the old fashioned route: strap some bombs to a mine cart and physically push it to where it needs to go.

Mission begins in sixty seconds!

[i]With ZombiePlatypus killed, the BLU team determined that either Tarvu or Bizarro must have been the killer. Each argued that the other was the culprit, but rather than calling for the death of the other, both suggested that the traitor was worth more to the BLU team alive than dead.

Mission begins in ten seconds!

Uneasy about keeping the two together, the BLU team quarantined Bizarro by himself, and kept a close watch on Tarvu...

Mission begins in five, four, three, two, one...

Action Phase 6

Gold Rush was an area similar to Dust Bowl. With three legs of the journey, it only made sense to send each Squad along one leg, delivering the bomb further into the RED base.

Since things had been going so badly for the BLU team, Team Leader usedtabe decided to mix the Squads up. For the first leg, Squad Asshole would push the bomb cart from the BLU base to the first RED stronghold, against heavy opposition. Heavies djnealb and Mr 3man would do a lot of the legwork, staying with the cart at all times, keeping any REDs from getting too near. Scout Artful-dodgeR would be with the Heavies as well; despite his size, he could push a cart twice as quickly as any of the others. Sniper Mighty Hatman would take the high road and perch near a window on the far left of the battlefield, while Engineer Muckfoot would set up a sentry on the far right, overlooking the RED base. Demoman BlackSunEmpire had the task of keeping a few steps ahead of the cart, blowing up any RED mercenaries who would try to stop the bomb from making its way down the track.

The gates opened and a huge force of RED mercenaries bore down on the BLU squad right away. Two RED Heavies met the two BLU Heavies head on, and with a flurry of bullets flying in either direction, it was only the medical supplies kept on the bomb cart that gave djnealb and Mr 3man the upper hand, cutting the two REDs down just moments before the BLUs would have fallen themselves. A third RED Heavy appeared, and just as he was about to open fire on the wounded BLU Heavies, Artful-dodgeR jumped from behind the cart and beaned the RED Heavy over the head with a baseball. Stunned and confused, the third RED Heavy could only look on stupidly while the two BLU Heavies riddled his torso with bullets. As the group pushed forward, BlackSunEmpire rained grenades forward, setting up a minefield that vaporized any REDs who dared cross it. Upon reaching the tunnel that divided the battlefield in two, the cart pushers took a break, while Muckfoot and Mighty Hatman set up to see what was in store in the second area. A couple of RED Engineers had set up a formidable defense of turrets that would stop the cart dead in its tracks. Muckfoot set up a nest of his own, overlooking the battlefield, and his sentry made quick work of a small team of RED Scouts and Pyros running to head off the cart. BlackSunEmpire attempted to destroy the RED sentries from below, out of their sight, but the team of RED Engineers was too diligent with repairs for him to make a dent. From across the way, Mighty Hatman relieved the RED Engineers of their faces, giving BlackSunEmpire the opening he needed to reduce the sentries to scrap. Once that was done, the BLU Squad converged to push the cart to its destination.

The second stage was similar to the first, in that it was divided into two areas separated by a small tunnel. The first area had a short bridge to cross and the second had a defensive structure to breach before moving the bomb to the third stage. Snipers Scroll and usedtabe decided to be the ones to push the cart, taking out enemies from afar in the meanwhile. Medic ClownBaby would aid Demoman Tarvu and Pyro Austin_SJ in scouting ahead and keeping any REDs from closing in on the Snipers.

The siren sounded the beginning of the battle, and there were surprisingly few REDs defending this leg. With no resistance, the forward trio was able to move to the tunnel before meeting any REDs. Meeting may not be the right term, as it was truly a Pyro ambush from behind a low wall. As the RED Pyros moved in to char ClownBaby from behind, two shots were fired from the cart, and the RED bodies hit the dirt before ClownBaby could turn around and realize what had happened. Scroll and usedtabe were accustomed to assassinating two targets simultaneously after all of the missions they had spent at each other's side. Through the tunnel, there were more RED Mercenaries to contend with. A RED Soldier met them at the tunnel exit with a barrage of rockets directed their way. Thinking quickly, Austin_SJ used his air blast to deflect the first few rockets, and then forth reflected straight back, destroying the RED Soldier with his own rocket. Tarvu let loose some explosives of his own, catching an errant RED Medic-Pyro combo in the blast. As they pushed forward, there seemed to be no more REDs to contend with, and just as Austin_SJ and Tarvu were about to let their guards down, ClownBaby caught the glint of light reflecting off glass out of the corner of his eye. Instinctively, he activated his ▄bercharge and switched between his Demoman and Pyro teammates quickly enough to protect them both from the rifle shots that came from a RED Sniper far behind the [color]red]RED[/color] base. Furious that they had almost lost their heads, Austin_SJ and Tarvu charged at the RED Sniper, igniting him just before exploding him into a million tiny pieces. With no more REDs in sight, the Squad pushed the bomb cart to its final leg.

Medic Bizarro was assigned to the last leg of the mission alone, and he cursed Team Leader usedtabe for that. How could he complete the mission alone, armed only with a weak syringe gun and his bonesaw?

When the gates opened, he saw no RED mercenaries at all, and his nervousness waned a bit, but he still remained alert to a trap. Carefully, methodically pushing the bomb cart, he checked his corners and watched his back, snaking through the battlefield until the final destination was in sight. The journey was uneventful, but that was preferable to the alternative, Bizarro thought. With a final push, he nudged the bomb into a pit, then ran for cover as it detonated. The RED asset was destroyed.

Nobody died at Gold Rush.

Read on for Part 2!
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Darren Nakamura   
KyleGamgee   1
AustinSJ   1
Mr 3man   1
Nihil   1
Stephen Beirne   1
the guy with the hat   1
Tarvu   1
ZombiePlatypus   1
Usedtabe   1
Clown Baby   1



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About Darren Nakamuraone of us since 2:29 AM on 11.06.2006

Darren is a scientist during the day. He has been a Destructoid community member since 2006, joining the front page as a contributor in 2011.

While he enjoys shooters, RPGs, platformers, strategy, and rhythm games, he takes particular interest in independent games. He produced the Zero Cool Podcast for about four years, and he plays board games quite a bit when he can find willing companions.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Darren Nakamura knows several people in the video game industry, most of whom are Destructoid alumni. These include:

Anthony Burch, former writer for Gearbox Software
Ashly Burch, notable voice actor
Nick Chester, publicist for Harmonix Music Systems
Chad Concelmo, writer for Golin Harris
Aaron Linde, writer for Gearbox Software
Jayson Napolitano, publicist for Scarlet Moon Productions
Brad Nicholson, former publicist for Uber Entertainment
Alex Ryan, publicist for Kalypso Media
Jim Sterling, notable voice actor

Darren backs a lot of Kickstarter campaigns! If you want to see what he has backed, you can go here. If he ever reviews a game that he backed, that will be explicitly disclosed in the review.

Darren invested in Psychonauts 2 on Fig.
Xbox LIVE:Dexter345
PSN ID:Dexter345
Steam ID:http://steamcommunity.com/profil
Mii code:1257 7687 3747 6405


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