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Recognizing Your Gaming Journalist, Part 2

In case you missed part one, go read it. Now on with more making stereotypes out of people I don't know...I'm a bad person.

The Nerd/Gamerus Maximus

Captain N? You've put on some weight haven't you? And where's your cool 80's coat.

For the nerd becoming a game journalist has been a life long dream and now that he is one damned if he's going to stoop to a level where anyone but the hardest of hardcore can understand what the hell he's talking about. The Nerd doesn't actually care that no one understands what he's written either, if people don't understand what's going on they shouldn't be some dumb. The point of reporting news to The Nerd is not to let people understand what is going on through explanation but to prove that he is smarter and knows more than everyone else.
Found: Tech. sights and blogs.
Clothing: Depending on the situation the nerd will either be in a cosplay outfit or jorts and a stained t-shirt.
Writing Style: Over complicated and wordy. When this fails to be high brow enough The Nerd will revert to simply writing in 0's and 1's.
Dream Story: "NXD Voodoo 501c XI!!10 Graphics Card Released with 50ui of STER. Computer Actually Thinking."
Favorite Quote: God I can't believe you don't understand that.
Little Known Fact: If the Cool Guy and The Nerd interact to much someone's head will explode

The TV Reporter/Fearus Mongeramus

Look a graph! It must be true.

The TV Reporter knows absolutely nothing about games, gaming, the game industry, gamers, or the definition of the word game. Some theorize that The TV Reporter actually keep themselves as far as possible from the outside world in order to report on games in the most stereotypical way possible, though researchers have not found out how they do this. The TV Reporter will either be a newb at a local station reporting on how the Wii is keeping an old woman's arthritis in check via constant wrist work out or a big time reporter shouting on high from his mountain top about how you, yes you, will be the next psycho maniac if you keep playing games. Either way the minimal amount of effort and research The TV Reporter could exert went into the story.
Found: The television or on youtube making an ass of themselves.
Clothing:A smart suit or rain slicker. If The TV Reporter has cross bread with The Girl expect a short skirt and a plunging neck line.
Writing Style: Ha! Who has time to write when they're so busy not doing research and jumping on the band wagon. Those band wagons are tough to catch, my friend, tough...to...catch.
Dream Story: "Video Game System Comes to Life, Kills Child"
Favorite Quote The boys were also fans of the game "Grand Theft Auto." Back to you Sam.
Little Known Fact: The TV Reporter very existence is based on ignorance and impatience.

The Blogger

It was the best of times it was the blurst of times!? You stupid monkey.

The Blogger is an entirely different beast with many of its own subsets. Still The Blogger is now a powerful creature in the kingdom of Gaming Journalism and an overview is necessary. The Blogger writes what they want to write, edits however much they want to edit and posts about pretty much anything that pops into their mind. Some Bloggers are more evolved than others but survival of the fittest does not seem to play a part in this specie's growth as even the weakest survive via the simple click of a button and the ease of use of the Blogger's medium.
Found:It is said The Blogger can be found anywhere. Scientists reportedly discovered one with some of the Dead Sea Scrolls and hints even point to traces of Bloggers in the Cradle of Life.
Clothing:It's hard to tell exactly what The Blogger wears since much of his writing is anonymous but through scattered evidence and scientific discovery it has been discovered that a t-shirt and jeans combination seems to be popular.
Writing Style:The Blogger's style varies immensely from completely lacking it incredibly uniform.
Dream Story: Any Destructoid story with their name as the tipster.
Favorite Quote: Now I'm not a fanboy...
Little Known Fact:In 1802 The Blogger was dubbed the "One Thing We Miss the Least" by people who had accidentally traveled back in time via interdimensional portals.

The Wannabee/Needius Joubus

I'm going on Safari!

The Wannabee doesn't truly work as a game journalist but he wants to. Maybe he writes on his own obscure blog (or in Destructiod's) or maybe the community paper he works at lets him write gaming reviews when they have space, either way he's desperately trying to break into gaming journalism at any moment. The Wannabee isn't that hard to find either, though they might be hiding in other lines of work and sometimes don't even write about games, just dream about writing about them. As the world of gaming expands census tests have shown that the population of The Wannabee has expanded too. The Wannabee is one of the few breeds of gaming journalist that switches its genus once it has achieved its goal. Most will metamorphosis into The Newbie (discussed later possibly) but some skip this stage all together and quickly become one of the many aforementioned breeds.
Clothing:Many Wannabees are broke but others are doing just fine. Clothing depends on who the Wannabee is and where he resides.
Writing Style:Resumes and cover letters.
Dream Story: Any gaming story The Wannabee is paid to write.
Favorite Quote: To whom it may concern,
Little Known Fact: Many scientists believe that the Wannabee is in fact not a breed of game journalist at all, but have trouble classifying it anywhere else.

Well thatís all for now. I had a few more but they weren't fleshing out as well as I wanted them too. And yes that last photo is me, and no you can't have my inflatable monkey. This was all in fun and just pointing out some of my perceived trends in writing on games. Got any of your own?

Also Iím shite at graphics and banners and pretty much anything like that so if anyone is particularly bored and wants to make me one Iíd be very grateful. Maybe something with Lincoln playing video games but Iím open to ideas.
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About Cowzilla3one of us since 9:42 AM on 07.12.2007

Names Matt Razak and I'm just a gamer with a Wii and a 360 and PS3. I'm also really, really, really, ridiculously good looking and a ninja...and humble. I'm the Editor and Chief at Flixist.

Things I've Done or Am Doing

Front Paged
Music In Gaming
What is a Hero?: Sonic
Good Idea, Bad Idea: Casual Gaming
What No More Heroes Really Means
Social Activism in Gaming
Educate Yourself - Castlevania
Start of the Affair
What is a Hero?: Lara Croft
Wii Fit Review

Recognizing Your Gaming Journalist
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Drinks Ron Workman Can't Handle
Metroid Mojito
Mario Mudslide, The Super Punch Out, Princess Peach Schnapps
Pikachu Punch, Triforce Triple
DK Daquiri, Yoshi Jager, Mother Brain Drain (MBD)
Rocks on the Scotch, Bowser Bad Ass

Interviews With Famous People
Nick Frost, Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright
Richard Shepard
Michael Davis
Jason Schwartzman

What Happened?
The First
My Favorite One
To be continued...?
Obviously there are tons more, but I'm not linking them all.

Interesting Walls of Text
Gaming Journalsim
How do we discuss games as art?
My Great Concern

What is a Hero?
Solid Snake
Master Chief

Educate Yourself
Kid Icarus
Kid Icarus Final Impressions
Splatterhouse Final Impressions
Fall Out

Xbox LIVE:Cowzilla3
Mii code:4283 6222 8765 8660


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