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The Groan You Hear for Miles

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CBlogs of 5.6.2008 + Zimmerisms


Lots of good blogging today, so we're gonna get right to it. If you want to know what this image is all about, check the Zimmerisms that follow.

*- Prayer, meditation, human sacrifice, let's all support evil chad in this difficult time in whatever way you see fit.

*- Shipero talks racing games and I couldn't agree more
*- This is exactly how I'd expect GTA to get the Wii treatment
*- Droll discusses the nature of choice in video gaming in an excellent read that deserves promotion
*- It's time to Educate Yourself again. This month: Splatterhouse
*- UMFSkibum beat me to the punch in reviewing this excellent book and you should all go read it right now.

A- Velt is sick of the whining about Valve's disinterest in developing for PS3
S- Video Games and UK Law in four acts: Part one (Tamz)
S- RetRose Tinted: Splatterhouse (ConradZimmerman)
S- BigPopaGamer casts Final Fantasy VI
S- Human Save File (Majora)
P- FAILCAST records tonight, provided Necros doesn't fuck up the recording again

C- CBlog Xbox Scavenger Hunt (Ends 5.31)
C- T-shirt Contest (Ends 5.18)
C- Podtoid's giving away Metal Gear Solid Essential Collection, but you only have until tomorrow evening (Ends 5.7)
E- Wilbo answers the call to tell Chad to shut up.
E- GoS-CPR-Stewart (the most complicated name I think I've ever typed in a recap) also wants Chad to shut up.
E- More "Shut up, Chad" from Joe 100517
E- -Blank- takes a shot at shutting Chad up.

F- A rundown of what goes down each week on the Dtoid Steam community
F- Speaking of which, it's TFTuesday!
C- Some thoughts regarding the Dtoid reviews that are... well, I hate to say it but the dude has a point
C- Yet another photo of Workman prone
I- Let's all welcome PhazonYoshi
I- Announcing Dtoid BaltimoreDC, the newest regional community group

N- Tons of new features added to Audiosurf
N- "I'll have a Big Mac, large fries and All the Small Things, please."
N- Ninja Gaiden 2 gets 18+ rating in UK, boobies bathing in blood a likely cause
N- Haze demo hits EuroPSN
N- New screenshots and video of Lego Batman
N- Blizzard makes games available for digital download starting now
N- PC version of Mass Effect has copy protection that requires multiple entries of CD-Key
N- Translation patch for Namco X Capcom released
V- Comparison vid of PS3 and 360 Iron Man, but shiny shit is still shit
V- Hackers show off new "Wii Hombrew Channel"
V- New vid for Mirror's Edge is extreme
V- Comparison of real Times Square and GTA's version
R- Reviews of Last Stand and Last Stand 2, flash-based zombie survival games
T- Portal maps made from Portal Flash game levels
T- Whatever happened to Alan Wake?
T- Age of Conan is depressing
T- Impressions of the TF2 Medic Update
T- EDS' two year-old plays GTA IV, Fox News waits to report on inevitable bloodbath
T- Zombie flash game, The Last Stand, looks pretty awesome
T- A weird Japan-only platformer that I've never heard of
T- Wardrox obliterates the Haze demo
T- Did I mention that Mirror's Edge looks extreme?
T- DeaconBlade is interviewing Eden Studios regarding Alone in the Dark. Have any questions for him?
T- You Don't Know Jack: Episode 62
T- The cheats in GTA remind Yojimbo of The Matrix, which means I need to find a Descartes parallel quick
T- Some Assassin's Creed impressions (PC version)

F- Your high-def media releases for the week
F- British comedy series, Spaced coming to DVD in July
S- 3' statue of Metal Gear Rex on eBay
S- tornotlukin's shirts that didn't make the grade

L- So much hate and so much win
R- Skribble wants drawring ideas
R- soul3150 dropped out of college to become a pro wrestler
R- blehman's sick of the term "next-gen"
R- Screw Attack updated their website; it still sucks.
R- nilcam bought a yoga game
V- Colbert hates on Miyamoto and Rain
V- Child torturing dolphin will suffer the wrath of Concelmo
R- Craigslist loveletter to girl at a GameStop reminscent of all-sugar cupcake frosting
V- Vegetable instruments... really odd

S- The G-Man is still using the same tired dance moves from yesterday
S- Slow post runs later than CTA's trains
F- Old, fake box art and peddling of overpriced faceplate
F- Overheard in New York is way better than this Liberty City-inspired equivalent
F- Go back under your bridge
F- Seriously. Now. You're not even a very good troll and you've picked the least likely target to give a shit
F- Come back when you have something to say about it.
F- Meet Failey Fail-Fail McFailenstien
F- Ugh. This would be okay if you had more to say, but you're just wasting my time

Ernest Hemmingway once wrote what is, in my opinion, one of the greatest stories ever told and he did it using only six words:

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

I'll let you take a moment to digest that.

Good storytelling need not be lengthy or complex in order to be great. This is the reason that I like to read flash fiction, stories typically constrained by a limit of not more than 1000-2000 words. I like to see stories that can be succinctly told in their entirety or, as in the case of the Hemmingway tale, cause my mind to fill in the gaps by going in any of a million directions.

Also, due to the word limit, there really isn't much investment on the part of the reader. They never take more than a couple of minutes from start to finish and, if you didn't like it, you haven't really lost anything.

Anyway, I mention this because I've spent a couple of hours tonight reading through Ficlets, an online collaborative fiction site where people post flash fiction of not more than 1024 characters. Other users may then write their own prequels or sequels to a story, if they like, adding their own spin on what you've written. I saw the site on Wil Wheaton's blog today and he linked to a particular one which I found interesting (he wrote a prequel to it, also pretty good).

Sure, there's a lot of dross out there but, again, it doesn't take any time at all to read and the really good ones are totally worth the effort to look at. If you don't have a lot of time to read a whole book, or you want something to keep in the bathroom for when you do, I'd recommend picking up a flash fiction collection. Or, cruise Ficlets a bit and I'm sure you'll find some things that are to your fancy.

Also, read this flash by Warren Ellis, comic author extraordinare. It will break your heart.

Jack Baby

Last, but not least, please enjoy this outtake image from my RetRose Tinted piece on Splatterhouse today. I give you, dancing Monster Rick. I'll see you all tomorrow.

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About Conrad Zimmermanone of us since 2:14 AM on 12.06.2007

An avid player of tabletop and video games throughout his life, Conrad has a passion for unique design mechanics and is a nut for gaming history. He can be heard on the comedy podcast FistShark Marketing (fistshark.com) and streams video games often on Hitbox (hitbox.tv/ConradZimmerman)

Twitter: ConradZimmerman
Jenny: 867-5309

Old Cblog Features

On the Table

RetRose Tinted

Death by Cartoon

About Rodney Dangerfield:

The mere inclusion of Rodney Dangerfield can vastly improve anything. Films, music, toasters, anything. In particular, the force of Rodney Dangerfield could elevate video games to the level in which they are accepted by the mainstream as a true art form, bringing together people of all races, creeds and tax brackets in peace and harmony.

RIP Rodney.
Xbox LIVE:Conradtoid
Mii code:1987-8471-4268-2488


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