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My Expertise: Lucky Bastard


Everyone is good at something, and when playing a game with someone, you have to prepare for them; learn what they’re good at, and learn to overcome it. Practice enough, and nobody will be able to stand in your way.

Except for me.

Luck can hardly be considered an aspect of gameplay; yes, certain puzzle games might require that little bit of luck to get that right piece, but that’s not what I’m good at, oh no. I have the magical ability to infuriate the enemy with my absurd luck in multiplayer versus mode, no matter what genre of game.

I’d like to think I’m pretty decent at certain games; however, I can safely say that my luck has always managed to kick in at the crucial moment; although I have yet to boast any amazing quad-headshot or amazing knife throw, I do have a two lucky moments in particular that can paint a picture of what sort of magical forces my enemy has to deal with.

1. Bomb Boxing
This one took place in a game of Super Smash Bros Melee; me and my friend were in a stalemate on Corneria, both positioned at opposite sides of the field, starting each other down. My friend begins punching the air in front of him; either to taunt me or perhaps just out of boredom. All of a sudden, a bomb-om spawns directly above his head, and one of his wild punches hits the bomb, detonating it and ending his final life. Real life yelling and punching ensued.

2. Bowler Hat Sniper
This one took place in a game of 007: Nightfire with the same unfortunate friend. As before, we were perched at opposite bases, no AI characters to stop us. As a handicap for my friend, I was allowed to play as Oddjob, whose hat is an instant kill; however, its short range meant little to my friend whose expertise lied in sniping; my sniping was garbage. However, that didn’t stop me from tossing my hat across the field, and instantly killing him. With no scope. Across the distance of the entire arena. Three times. Real life yelling and tackling ensued.

These are some of the more remarkable effects of my incredible luck, although it usually manifests itself in more simplistic ways; blue shells at absurd times, multiple random grenade kills, and just about anything randomly generated by the game changes in my favor. (This makes me unbeatable at games like Mario Party and Warioware. Um, yay?)

Of course, with great power and great responsibility; ragequitting and excessive profanity is often the result I get; I have been deeply hurt by multiple accusations of cheapness in the past. Things like:
“ Grenades? CHEAP! Cut that shit out.”
“ Stop spamming long range attacks, you cheap bastard! ( Modern warfare 2) “
“ What the FUCK man? How dare you use the controller to manipulate your character’s actions? CHEEEEAAPPP.”

I’m a tortured soul.

In any case, I can still usually get my ass handed to me in most games, despite any advantage my luck may have won me; nevertheless, the winning of a game will never be as sweet as the ability to drive anyone I play with to the brink of insanity. Talent is overrated.
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About Chainsawfaceone of us since 9:42 PM on 10.17.2009