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LONG BLOG

Cblogs of 9/24/09 + Strykisms (TMNT Edition)

   0


I was totally pumped for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Smash-Up. When the game got leaked early and people were bemoaning the small roster, I thought to myself, "These guys are jumping the gun. They haven't even unlocked any of the hidden characters yet." Then I learned that it was the complete roster. Wow. Just wow. Who is responsible for this travesty? This is is supposed to be the big celebration of all thing Turtle? What the fuck is this shit? Thirteen! There are only thirteen fucking TMNT characters in this game! Let's break the line-up down, shall we?

Obviously, the four Turtles, Splinter, and Shredder are going to be in, so that leaves seven.

Casey Jones and April have become really prominent in the franchise over the past few years, fighting right there alongside the heroes in green, so they're in.

Five to go. What special surprises are in store for us? A Foot soldier. A stock Foot soldier. No one wants to play as a fucking grunt ever. You could have an Elite Foot or one of the God damn Foot Mystics instead.

Fugitoid. Was anyone dying to play this guy? Was there a petition for his inclusion? Who gives a rat fuck? (No offense, Splinter.)

Nightwatcher? Jesus Christ! Raphael is the Nightwatcher! They pulled a Dr. Mario on us! It should be a fucking costume change, you assholes!

I bet they were so clever making up the Utrominator. That's right, a made-up character. Yeah, I know Utroms are real characters in the universe, but that ugly-ass battle suit the game's Utrom pilots is not. It's supposed to be a nod to Krang. Well... why not just fucking put in Krang?

Karai, okay. Finally. A good pick. My hat off to you guys. What else you got? Oh? That's thirteen? You fucking joking? You're pulling my leg.

Phew! Three more characters out of the blue! Let's see... what. Rabbids. Fucking Rabbids. Three fucking Rabbids. Fucking THREE Rabbids. Jesus fucking Moses, THREE FUCKING RABBIDS!!!! You weren't happy fucking over Rayman, now you gotta fuck over the Turtles? MY Turtles! No! No!

There is no reason for such an anemic roster. None. None. There have been tons of characters spanning the entire history of the franchise. This is how you celebrate 25 years? Good God! You couldn't think of anyone else? Really? REALLY? You sure? Bebop and Rocksteady? Hun? Slash? Nobody? Traximus the Triceraton? Tokka and Rahzar? Baxter Stockman, fly or cyborg version? Dammit, you couldn't even bring Hamato Yoshi back from the dead like the 2003 game did?

You know what the worst part is? There is a Technodrome level! Yeah! The team acknowledged, if only briefly, that there was a cartoon show back in the day that was quite popular with Generation Yers. That means someone had to literally turn to someone else and say, "No, we aren't putting any '80s characters in this game." Fucking hacks, the lot of 'em.

You know how you celebrate 25 years of the Turtles? You know how? Like THIS:



Fuckin' yeah, that shit's coming out on DVD! You better pick it up! So in honor of the REAL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anniversary tribute, I've littered the recaps with an overabundance of Turtle references!


*- walkyourpath fights with honor! More tales from his days as an Ultima Online GM!

*- Growing up in a glass bowl with chameleons, lizards, and tadpoles, kauza played Tobal 2 and Tomba! 2. Share the experience through his eyes!

*- A bunch of righteous dudes and dudettes, including our own Zen Albatross, played chiptune music at PAX!

*- aborto sketches Jimbo, costumed Pokémon, and blehman who's green! (He's a radical fetus!)


S- Freefall's squad pick this week, the Gallian Militia Squad 7 from Valkyria Chronicles, isn't as hip as the Neutrinos, daddy-o!
S- casualweaponry brings more hip-hop for his fourth dTunes but leaves out "Ninja Rap"!
M- When it comes to Global Gladiators, Kylius doesn't know the meaning of the word "forget"...
M- ... and neither does joseffthered for Planescape: Torment...
M- ... nor TripleZer0 for MegaRace. They never bothered to look it up in the dictionary!
P- The guys on the Refused Classification podcast feel so good to be so bad!


E- During the second week of The King of Dtoiders, some people attacked and others cut 'em no slack.


E- Fabuloso! ouched clues us in to the Classic Console & Arcade Gaming Show coming this October to Ohio!
S- Excellent! stewie32887 gets tons of free software thanks to his job!
S- Funktastic's latest haul is better than a stack of pepperoni and marshmallow pizzas!
S- Not mondo cool. nukka jdav has to sell his games to pay for college.
I- xDeadshot47x does machines! He used one to make a Team Fortress 2 RPG!


N- Cowabunga! The Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker demo can be downloaded off IGN!
N- Primo prizes! Europe is selling awesome new games this week!
N- These Super Street Fighter IV rumors and the Tatsunoko vs. Capcom date call for a party! Pizza time!
N- Alice in Chains may be coming to Rock Band on Tuesday! Bossa nova? No? Uh... Chevy Nova?
N- Bummer! You can no longer get the Game & Watch Collection DS game off of Club Nintendo.
V- Turtle power! There was a live video stream of Smash-Up a while ago!
P- pedrovay2003 felt shell-shocked in a good way after playing the Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker demo.
T- thefil is like totally not gettin' the PSPgo.
T- Master Edge 3 is thinkin' of mondo ideas for his fantasy Persona game.
T- Avril42U hates anchovies and how Rockstar is jipping PS3 owners on GTA4 DLC.
T- stalydan also thinks Rockstar is dumb, dumb, dumb. Those dudes are so dumb.
T- wobblefunk thinks Halo 3: ODST is cool but not crude.
$- Amazon is having some tubular Gold Box deals, bro.








F- Get the shell...
F- ... out of here!


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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Schedule:
Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
Fridays - Gamemaniac3434
Saturdays - AmnaUmen
Sundays - Riobux

Reserve Recappers:
Gajknight
LinkSlayer64
ShadeOfLight
Torchman
TheBlondeBass
Hypno Coffin

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!



Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.

Rules

1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Stellaris
-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)
-Armello
-Undertale
-ABZU

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.


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