First of all: it’s my Recaps anniversary today! One year ago almost to the day, I wrote my first Recaps for all of you. 52 weeks later, and I still enjoy the hell out of reading all your stuff, topsaucing the very best (like no one ever was), fapping to the regulars and encouraging newcomers to jump into our Dtoid pool party. And what great newcomers we had this year! We had one who finds happiness in his mental health, one whose German heart is filled with drugs, a pixelated pixie and the last in a line of oddly colored felines. Not to mention many more. We love having ya, and a belated merry Christmas to everyone.
Second: I’m going to talk about archers for a while again. If you know me, which hopefully after a full year of Shadeisms you do, you’ll be aware that I fucking love bows and archers. Especially the rogueish lone wolf type can do no wrong with me. It would be a safe bet to assume that this started with the depiction of Legolas in Lord of the Rings, but to be honest I seem to recall archers being awesome even before I ever saw those movies. In that case though, you can bet your ass that he helped. So, how is this relevant?
Well, I went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug last week! And guess what they did? They included two Elf archers, neither of whom were in the book, and they had them be badass orc slayers for about 80% of their screentime. Both Legolas, who is back because even though he wasn’t mentioned in the book it’s a safe bet that he was indeed present at the time, and Tauriel, a completely original character introduced mostly for some much needed girl power in a work that has literally no females in it, have very little relevance to the plot beyond “here are some orcs, we need them dead”. Sure there is a semblance of a love triangle going on, but that ultimately takes up very little time. Most of what they do still consists of getting out their bows and shooting some orcs right between the eyes, and it is fucking awesome. I went to this movie with high expectations of Smaug and Beorn, and while the former exceed my expectations by fucking miles (the latter less so), it may have been Team Orcslayer that surprised me the most.
Both of them take no shit from anyone, and their killcount is beyond compare. Nor does Tauriel suffer from being the only girl in the cast; in fact she’s quite on par even with Legolas, who already exhibits skill not seen since the whole “took out an Oliphaunt solo” scene in Return of the King. (Fun fact: “Oliphaunt” is very close in writing and pronunciation to “olifant”, which is Dutch for elephant). We get all the good stuff. Lightning-fast bow drawing, shooting a guy mid-jump or mid-bodysurf, stabbing an orc in the head with an arrow and then immediately shooting said arrow at another one, and I suppose they’re also good at using swords if for whatever incomprehensible reason bows aren’t
the best option at any given point.
Long story short; these two reminded me once again why archers are so damn cool, if they didn’t just outright double my already huge obsession.
And then, right after I got back from the movie, this happened;
It’s me and I’m a badass archer! I’m even wielding Link’s Skyward Sword bow
IT’S ME AND I’M AAAAAAAHHHHH-
*faints* Thank you so much Mikey. You don’t even know.
Christmas magic is real. * - For such an insufferable prat, crackedbat surely does have a streak of poetry in him! Let him tell you all about gaming in 2013...in rhyme! A - Here we have a financial report on Oroku Saki's new PC. As expected; lots of cash went into the system, but you get good deals on the games. A - Go hug your family for Christmas. E - The Super Kimchi Bros. (who is only one person), went to a bunch of gaming events in Korea this year. They sound like fun! C - A potential new blogger has problems with our Cblog editor. We've all been there. T - Nimsshow spent his Christmas playing Infinite Undiscovery with a friend. Fortunately its music was miles better than its title. - Speaking of Elves (I'm gonna get smacked for this), Zelda was announced for the new Smash Bros! She has a kind of sexy mysterious air to her that I really appreciate. - Case in point.
May you always find water and shade FPotD
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