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LONG BLOG

Cblogs of 12/26/13 + Recapsiversary + HOLY SH*T Iím an archer!

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First of all: itís my Recaps anniversary today! One year ago almost to the day, I wrote my first Recaps for all of you. 52 weeks later, and I still enjoy the hell out of reading all your stuff, topsaucing the very best (like no one ever was), fapping to the regulars and encouraging newcomers to jump into our Dtoid pool party. And what great newcomers we had this year! We had one who finds happiness in his mental health, one whose German heart is filled with drugs, a pixelated pixie and the last in a line of oddly colored felines. Not to mention many more. We love having ya, and a belated merry Christmas to everyone.

Second: Iím going to talk about archers for a while again. If you know me, which hopefully after a full year of Shadeisms you do, youíll be aware that I fucking love bows and archers. Especially the rogueish lone wolf type can do no wrong with me. It would be a safe bet to assume that this started with the depiction of Legolas in Lord of the Rings, but to be honest I seem to recall archers being awesome even before I ever saw those movies. In that case though, you can bet your ass that he helped. So, how is this relevant?

Well, I went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug last week! And guess what they did? They included two Elf archers, neither of whom were in the book, and they had them be badass orc slayers for about 80% of their screentime. Both Legolas, who is back because even though he wasnít mentioned in the book itís a safe bet that he was indeed present at the time, and Tauriel, a completely original character introduced mostly for some much needed girl power in a work that has literally no females in it, have very little relevance to the plot beyond ďhere are some orcs, we need them deadĒ. Sure there is a semblance of a love triangle going on, but that ultimately takes up very little time. Most of what they do still consists of getting out their bows and shooting some orcs right between the eyes, and it is fucking awesome. I went to this movie with high expectations of Smaug and Beorn, and while the former exceed my expectations by fucking miles (the latter less so), it may have been Team Orcslayer that surprised me the most.



Both of them take no shit from anyone, and their killcount is beyond compare. Nor does Tauriel suffer from being the only girl in the cast; in fact sheís quite on par even with Legolas, who already exhibits skill not seen since the whole ďtook out an Oliphaunt soloĒ scene in Return of the King. (Fun fact: ďOliphauntĒ is very close in writing and pronunciation to ďolifantĒ, which is Dutch for elephant). We get all the good stuff. Lightning-fast bow drawing, shooting a guy mid-jump or mid-bodysurf, stabbing an orc in the head with an arrow and then immediately shooting said arrow at another one, and I suppose theyíre also good at using swords if for whatever incomprehensible reason bows arenít the best option at any given point.



Long story short; these two reminded me once again why archers are so damn cool, if they didnít just outright double my already huge obsession.

And then, right after I got back from the movie, this happened;


Itís me!
Itís me and Iím a badass archer! Iím even wielding Linkís Skyward Sword bow!
ITíS ME AND IíM AAAAAAAHHHHH-
*faints*

Thank you so much Mikey. You donít even know.

Christmas magic is real.

* - For such an insufferable prat, crackedbat surely does have a streak of poetry in him! Let him tell you all about gaming in 2013...in rhyme!

A - Here we have a financial report on Oroku Saki's new PC. As expected; lots of cash went into the system, but you get good deals on the games.

A - Go hug your family for Christmas.





E - The Super Kimchi Bros. (who is only one person), went to a bunch of gaming events in Korea this year. They sound like fun!

C - A potential new blogger has problems with our Cblog editor. We've all been there.

T - Nimsshow spent his Christmas playing Infinite Undiscovery with a friend. Fortunately its music was miles better than its title.




- Speaking of Elves (I'm gonna get smacked for this), Zelda was announced for the new Smash Bros! She has a kind of sexy mysterious air to her that I really appreciate.




- Case in point.







- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade

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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Recappers:

Monday - Lord Spencer
Tuesday - Larx
Wednesday - Dere
Thursday - NeoTurbo
Friday - Gamemaniac3434
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[YOUR NAME HERE] - We want you!

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment

The heel-turn

Last week, in the quick posts of Destructoid's community, we saw the rise and fall of community manager Wesley J. Russow. He rose to prominence with his immutable power, only to see it come crashing down as the working class clambered beneath him and tore him down. Truly, the life and times of Westopher G. Raggamuffins was a lesson in live fast, burn hot, crash spectacularly.

Wes went from community darling to lovable despot over the course of a few days. It was a thing of beauty to behold. Truly, nothing is better to witness than a real-life heel turn. Wrestling is nothing without these terms after all. A "Face" is a good guy wrestler who fights the man, stands up for the little guy, and fights fairly while still winning. A "Heel", on the other hand, is a despicable, dastardly villain or even anti-hero. I loved Kurt Angle's antics as this gold medal Olympic winner turned wrestler who wasn't necessarily as likable as his gold medals imply. I loved hating that guy! A good heel is fun to hate, and there's nothing quite like the gasp of shock when watching the turn, when a face uses dirty tricks and turns into a heel.

Let me ask you this: is Kratos a hero? Before we see Kratos return in what I'd call Dad of War, let's not forget Kratos’ sordid past as a hero. In the first game, it was a revenge tale. It was a story of a mythical Spartan warrior who wanted revenge on the God of War who betrayed him. But as the series went on, it became a story about the lengths Kratos would go to justify his vendetta against people who wronged him. He would literally destroy the world just to destroy his enemies. Sure, we played as him, and we were taken on a ride, but would you really put your bet behind him and say, "Yeah, look at that hero!"

This month's Bloggers Wanted is about your favorite heel-turns or anti-heroes (in case a heel turn is too specific). Do you like it when Ryu turns into Evil Ryu? Or maybe you like Injustice, with its built in heel-turn Superman? I won't claim to understand the time line of Revolver Ocelot between Snake Eater and Guns of the Patriots, but I love that knucklehead.

To participate, just start a blog in our community section and title it "Heel-turn: [your blog title here]." Write to your heart's content, and if its up to snuff, you'll see your stuff published on the front page! Just remember, you're telling us about your favorite heel-turns and anti-heroes, not becoming one yourself, like Wes. Rest in spaghetti, never forghetti.


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