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LONG BLOG

Cblogs of 12/26/13 + Recapsiversary + HOLY SH*T Iím an archer!

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First of all: itís my Recaps anniversary today! One year ago almost to the day, I wrote my first Recaps for all of you. 52 weeks later, and I still enjoy the hell out of reading all your stuff, topsaucing the very best (like no one ever was), fapping to the regulars and encouraging newcomers to jump into our Dtoid pool party. And what great newcomers we had this year! We had one who finds happiness in his mental health, one whose German heart is filled with drugs, a pixelated pixie and the last in a line of oddly colored felines. Not to mention many more. We love having ya, and a belated merry Christmas to everyone.

Second: Iím going to talk about archers for a while again. If you know me, which hopefully after a full year of Shadeisms you do, youíll be aware that I fucking love bows and archers. Especially the rogueish lone wolf type can do no wrong with me. It would be a safe bet to assume that this started with the depiction of Legolas in Lord of the Rings, but to be honest I seem to recall archers being awesome even before I ever saw those movies. In that case though, you can bet your ass that he helped. So, how is this relevant?

Well, I went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug last week! And guess what they did? They included two Elf archers, neither of whom were in the book, and they had them be badass orc slayers for about 80% of their screentime. Both Legolas, who is back because even though he wasnít mentioned in the book itís a safe bet that he was indeed present at the time, and Tauriel, a completely original character introduced mostly for some much needed girl power in a work that has literally no females in it, have very little relevance to the plot beyond ďhere are some orcs, we need them deadĒ. Sure there is a semblance of a love triangle going on, but that ultimately takes up very little time. Most of what they do still consists of getting out their bows and shooting some orcs right between the eyes, and it is fucking awesome. I went to this movie with high expectations of Smaug and Beorn, and while the former exceed my expectations by fucking miles (the latter less so), it may have been Team Orcslayer that surprised me the most.



Both of them take no shit from anyone, and their killcount is beyond compare. Nor does Tauriel suffer from being the only girl in the cast; in fact sheís quite on par even with Legolas, who already exhibits skill not seen since the whole ďtook out an Oliphaunt soloĒ scene in Return of the King. (Fun fact: ďOliphauntĒ is very close in writing and pronunciation to ďolifantĒ, which is Dutch for elephant). We get all the good stuff. Lightning-fast bow drawing, shooting a guy mid-jump or mid-bodysurf, stabbing an orc in the head with an arrow and then immediately shooting said arrow at another one, and I suppose theyíre also good at using swords if for whatever incomprehensible reason bows arenít the best option at any given point.



Long story short; these two reminded me once again why archers are so damn cool, if they didnít just outright double my already huge obsession.

And then, right after I got back from the movie, this happened;


Itís me!
Itís me and Iím a badass archer! Iím even wielding Linkís Skyward Sword bow!
ITíS ME AND IíM AAAAAAAHHHHH-
*faints*

Thank you so much Mikey. You donít even know.

Christmas magic is real.

* - For such an insufferable prat, crackedbat surely does have a streak of poetry in him! Let him tell you all about gaming in 2013...in rhyme!

A - Here we have a financial report on Oroku Saki's new PC. As expected; lots of cash went into the system, but you get good deals on the games.

A - Go hug your family for Christmas.





E - The Super Kimchi Bros. (who is only one person), went to a bunch of gaming events in Korea this year. They sound like fun!

C - A potential new blogger has problems with our Cblog editor. We've all been there.

T - Nimsshow spent his Christmas playing Infinite Undiscovery with a friend. Fortunately its music was miles better than its title.




- Speaking of Elves (I'm gonna get smacked for this), Zelda was announced for the new Smash Bros! She has a kind of sexy mysterious air to her that I really appreciate.




- Case in point.







- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade

FPotD
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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Schedule:
Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
Fridays - Gamemaniac3434
Saturdays - AmnaUmen
Sundays - Riobux

Reserve Recappers:
Gajknight
LinkSlayer64
ShadeOfLight
Torchman
TheBlondeBass
Hypno Coffin

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!



Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.

Rules

1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Stellaris
-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)
-Armello
-Undertale
-ABZU

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.


Community Announcements
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Help us spread the word out on these recaps and in turn, everyone's blogs too! (These tweets appear on Dtoid's official accounts as well)
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