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Cblogs of 05/23/13 + It's the best medicine-isms


Today, let’s continue the Recaps tradition of talking about that most wonderful of newly revealed consoles, the Xbox One.

So, my response then. Ahum.

I just laughed through the entire thing. I couldn’t help it. I should probably be more disheartened and upset that one of the major powers that keep gaming going had so many terrible ideas for a console, but I’m not. I just thought it was hilarious. I’m looking back on my comment history right now, and it doesn’t look like a made a single serious comment the entire day. There were just way too many things to make fun of. Hell, the comment sections on most of Tuesday’s articles have been amazingly fun.

I mean, come on! The thing is called the One for fucks sake, you couldn’t think of a more ill-informed name if you tried. A presentation for a game console where TV and sports take center stage and the system’s most notable feature is “it’s also a voice-controlled remote”. The inclusion of a dog being the major selling point for the new Call of Duty. The direct quote calling backwards compatibility “backwards”. Presenting the fact that Xbox One can run games immediately after you insert the disc as a futuristic feature. The creepy 1984-like quality of a Kinect that is always watching you and just waits for you to turn it on. By the way, did you know that Microsoft filed a patent for a system that lets the Kinect monitor how many people are in the room, so that it can cut off access to your movies and games if more people are present than the license allows? Yeah, better with Kinect indeed. And finally off course there is the fact that the entire damn thing is so amazingly America-centric that they couldn’t confirm they’ll even release it in Japan. ‘Murica bitches, the rest of the world be damned!

It was all a big joke to me. It is so amazingly over-the-top cartoonishly evil that it’s impossible to take seriously. It’s like they read my digital property blog (pardon the plug) from a while back and did everything in their power to try and prove me wrong. Ultimately, to me it just looks like they’re aimlessly and ineffectually flailing against the future. If they keep this up I guarantee you right now that they’ll have consumer rights organizations breathing in their neck, especially in Europe. Just wait until the Germans and the Scandinavians get wind of this. They don’t take kindly to this shit. It's going to be hilarious.

I have to admit, Microsoft was never going to win me over. I’m just not in the Xbox audience: I don’t own a 360, nor do I feel the need to get one. My passion lies with Nintendo and the indies, which basically means WiiU/3DS and Steam. Unless Microsoft had announced that it bought out Nintendo and Valve, it never had a chance for me. But while I can fully admit that we have been facing a drought in games on the WiiU, I will stand by my claim that it’s a great little system with lots of potential. The system itself is good, even if the games aren’t there to show it. Compare that to the One, and it’s amazing to me how fundamentally flawed the system itself can be. As a result, for me the announcement went way beyond “indifference”, straight past “well, that’s kind of stupid” and “I’m going to cry for a bit” into pure unadultered hilarity.

In short, it was like watching a brilliant parody of everything wrong with Microsoft performed in live action.

Wrenchfarm had mixed feelings, Strider cared more about Animal Crossing and Injustice, and I just laughed. Not a good score so far, guys. To be fair, Microsoft, look at it this way. At least you managed to amuse one person with the One, and that’s gotta count for something.  

But that’s enough laughing for today. It’s time for the caps, so let’s get serious!  

A - A pretty decent first blog here. Midgeamoo thinks video game content shouldn't be treated as a business, but more like an art.

A - Levelseeker is going to try to be productive this summer. Best of luck to ya!

A - One little piggie not happy with Xbox One. Bionix fears his ownership rights.

A - Two little piggies not happy with Xbox One. The focus on TV, and issues with used games and pricing bugs robotnist.

A - Three little piggies not happy with Xbox One. TV, Sports and Call of Duty.

A - Four little piggies not happy with Xbox One. Nightv worries for the industry when despite the One's stumbling out the door, Nintendo's stocks are down.

A - Five little piggies not happy with Xbox One. Nor with the PS4 or the WiiU, for that matter.

A - Six little piggies not happy with Xbox One. The name, EA and DRM.

A - And the seventh little piggie liked it fine. Luchador just likes tech, and thinks Microsoft has got us right where they want us.

M - Amxwolf shares more music, this time a surprisingly good song from Mario Party 3.

L - A rewrite of "Every day is exactly the same" as applied to video games.

V - Couch Crabs tackle Mister Bones. No, I'm not going to explain that, it's way funnier out of context.

C - PopetheRev lists some things he is looking forward to, to balance out...well, you know what.

C - Well, if you don't have a lot of time on your hands, finishing a full RPG can be tough.

...What? So I have a bunch of gifs of pretty girls laughing. What do you have on your computer?

- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade

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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
Fridays - Gamemaniac3434
Saturdays - AmnaUmen
Sundays - Riobux

Reserve Recappers:
Hypno Coffin

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!

Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.


1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.

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Help us spread the word out on these recaps and in turn, everyone's blogs too! (These tweets appear on Dtoid's official accounts as well)




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