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Cblogs of 03/28/13 + Shadeisms


I think there are two games this week that got, and deserved, all of our attention.
First of all, there was the announcement of DuckTales Remastered.

Now I havenít played the original for the NES, because when it came out my parents had not yet decided to bring the horror that is this amalgamation of brightness and shadow into our formerly fair and just world. I did watch the show as a kid, though. With that in mind, I do have to say that trailer is fucking brilliant. You know, with the sing-along and all? It completely banks on nostalgia, and it is glorious. The only little gripe I have is with that quote from Cliffy B in the opening. I know itís technically true, he did start his career with platformers, but it feels out of place to choose the big man behind Gears of War to endorse DuckTales. Maybe thatís just me. Either way itís a platformer and it looks awesome and I want it.

But the real reason Iím mentioning DuckTales? Well, you know how Tony posted that Finnish DuckTales theme song? Yeah, two can play that game. After all, you know that I both love arbitrarily sharing Dutch shit and am entirely shameless. Frankly, you shouldíve seen this coming. Be wary though; Iím pretty sure that my version doesnít have taco Nazis.

SO BOOYAH, SUCKAS. Here's what I had to deal with growing up:

I gotta admit, that dub is actually pretty good. The lyrics are pretty close in tone to the English one, at least. I also remember the show itself being very good about it, because it was still made in that time when only childrenís cartoons got dubbed and when there were more than 10 voice actors in the entire damn country. I wish I was exaggerating. The Ducks still have very recognizable voices to this day. (Theyíd better, because Donald Duck is massive in northern and western Europe. Seriously, you donít even know how huge he is.) But then all the shows kids watch nowadays are all done by the same people, and there are only like 10 voice actors at best: every character sounds the same now. Dubbed childrenís shows is a major pet peeve of mine from the get-go. I learned all of my English from TV and now weíre denying our children that same, in my opinion incredibly valuable, learning experience just for the sake of ratings. I learned the difference between ďmouseĒ and ďmiceĒ from Tom & Jerry for godís sake. At age 6. So when I see them air even a dubbed Power Rangers show nowadays it hurts me to my core. Fucking hate it.

Okay, rant over.
Thereís more important stuff to talk about anyway. Namely:

You saw this coming. The second game of the week has got to be Bioshock Infinite. That game has been doing nothing if not sweeping the boards.
But Iíve got a big confession to make though: Iíve never actually played a Bioshock game. Neither the first nor the second.

Yeah. I know.
I think I need your help.

For me, Bioshock is a weird case. Iíve mentioned many times before that I normally donít like First Person Shooters. There are some exceptions to the rule, but they are few and far between. Mostly the ones I like are the ones that are incredibly mindless, like Painkiller and Bulletstorm, or take a special approach with regards to exploration and progression in such a way that you barely realize youíre playing a shooter in the first place, like Metroid Prime and Oddworld: Strangerís Wrath (the latter less so). Any ďregularĒ FPS I tend to find boring. All too often I feel like Iím just walking in a straight line until some enemies pop up, point my sight at them for a bit, only to walk on afterwards. Donít even get me started on cover systems. I get to sit behind a waist-high wall until the red stuff dissolves from my screen? Pass, thanks. I like games where you can be full in the fray, where dodging, quick thinking or strategy is required for survival rather than beating the enemies through the awesome power of having a Wolverine healing factor.

Not to mention the fact that you can barely even see the waist-high wall, because for some reason FPS developers seem to think that things were better when we still only had black and white TVs.

The stories in many FPSes are often uninspired at best, and more in general the whole military and gun thing is completely lost on me. For reference, I took this next quote from the Steam page for Call of Duty: Black Ops:
ďAn epic campaign (Ö) where you will play as an elite Black Ops soldier in deniable operations where if you are caught, captured or killed, your country will disavow all knowledge of your existence.Ē
That right there just manages to hit all my yawn-buttons at once. I donít know what all of you think about it, but to me this sounds utterly uncompelling. This shit seriously gets me less interested in a game than ďUh-oh, Bowser kidnapped Peach again!Ē I took this one at random, but Iím sure you could work through a list of FPS titles and come up with dozens of equally uninteresting scenarios.

There are just a whole slew of little things that bug me about the FPS genre. Canít help it, just the way it is. Even Half-Life 2 didnít do a whole lot for me. I fully admit that itís not always a rational dislike (especially considering my recently documented love for bows), but itís a dislike nonetheless.

That said, if there is any FPS I could see myself giving an honest shot, itís probably Bioshock. It does seem to take a bit of a different approach from other games. I know about ďwould you kindly?Ē and things like that, and it seems that there is inspired stuff in here. Iíve heard that the stories are genuinely good, and from what I know thereís even some sort of ďmagicĒ system in these games, alleviating my problems with the gun thing a bit. Itís those kinds of things that make me think that maybe itís time to reevaluate my ďmeh, shooterĒ-policy, even if just for these games. From what I know about Infinite the whole plot with Elizabeth does sound like a thing I would enjoy. Besides that, Elizabeth looks incredibly well designed art-wise and Iím always a huge sucker for that. If I were to play Infinite, itíd be primarily for her.

I donít know what it is. Thereís just something about her.

Everything thatís been said about Infinite the past week makes me curious about the Bioshock series, and whether or not I should jump into them after all. Like I said, I know some things about the stories, but Iím sure thereís still stuff in here that could surprise me. Bioshock Infinite, and particularly Elizabeth, looks very intriguing to me, but I know the first two also have things going for them. Iím just completely unsure about whether or not thatís going to be good enough to make me sit through a game so squarely rooted in a genre I so often find boring or unfulfilling, not to mention the simple fact that guns do very little for me and I can think of much more compelling stuff than emptying a clip of ammo into some madmanís skull.

So to round this off Iíve got a question for all of you that the above has been leading up to.
Knowing what my feelings are towards the genre, should I give the Bioshock games an honest try? Is Infinite good even for someone like me? Is it worth working up to that through 1 and 2?

Iíd seriously love to know.

* - Edco recounts his attendance of the Final Fantasy: Distant Worlds concert, and it sounds amazing. Get jealous!

A - Us Internet commenters scare Manchild sometimes. It's hard to blame him.

A - Who would've thought that South Park's underpants gnomes could set an example for the video game industry?

A - Bioshock Infinite causes ClashOfPenguin to rethink how we talk about video games. Pretty interesting stuff.

E - Here are some photos from PAX East. That one girl managed to cellshade her Siren cosplay. Wow, that's dedication.

F - PC FNF and the chance to win Darksiders and some dumb "Red Fraction" game or whatever nobody cares about. Darksiders, man. Darksiders.

D - More Dtoid at PAX East. With karaoke!

T - Listen to Grethiwha and just try Monster Hunter. Just try it already!

C - Again, if you're so excited for MGS5 why don't you write more than two paragraphs about it?

C - I should fail this, but that picture of the Skullgirls dev is way too glorious to put in Failtoid.

V - A whirlwind of Batman and booze.

Bit of a slow day today, huh?

- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade

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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

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Reserve Recappers:
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Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!

Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.


1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.

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