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Cblogs of 02/07/13 + Expressive Shadeisms


In contrast to the past two weeks, this week was a little slow on news. No new kings or graduations this time. I started my first classes of my Master’s this week, and from the looks of it they’re going to require more than a little bit of work. Then again, shouldn’t that be the entire point? We won’t get anywhere if it doesn’t take work.

On the gaming front, I’ve still been playing Mario and Darksiders, but due to classes my progress has slowed down a bit. I finished Snapshot and got back into Offspring Fling. Snapshot is good, but I felt that it didn’t explore all of its game mechanics thoroughly enough. There’s a lot that can be done with its, admittedly clever, photography gimmick, but it falls short of its true potential. For example, an incredibly neat mechanic that requires the player to line up background objects so they form a box or a spring which can be spawned by snapping a picture is only used in one level in the entire game, whereas an awful mechanic involving magnets (all together now: UGH) is used in a good six or seven. It’s still a good game, but I would’ve liked to see it be explored more. As for Offspring Fling, it’s an indie platformer in which you throw your babies around. What more could you possibly need?

”Experience the thrill of motherhood in this epic baby-throwing adventure” really says it all.

Finally, last Saturday my friend and I had one of our movie marathons, so that was a lot of fun. We decided to watch Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 2, Cabin in the Woods, Wrath of the Titans and….

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2.


We’ve never actually watched a movie before just because how bad it was supposed to be. The only movies we ever watch together are either good ones or just movies that might not be “good” per se, but look entertaining. This was the first time we ever watched something out of pure train-wreck value. Because of that, we made a solemn promise to each other:
“If this ever stops being fun to watch, we will immediately shut it off and watch something good instead.”

Not ten minutes after making this promise, we were gasping for air from laughing so hard. The two-hour movie was over before we knew it, and I don’t think we’ve ever been quiet for a minute. There was always something stupid to point out. Highlights included Michael Sheen’s already infamous squee, the creepy little CGI girl (and the 20-something shirtless Jacob we keeps hanging around her all the fucking time), Jacob stripping in front of Bella’s dad, the vampire who is inexplicably the fucking Avatar, and Bella’s facial expressions. As for the latter, the thing is we couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Every time Kristen Stewart tried to show some emotion, we got this:

Seriously, what is that? What the hell is she even trying to convey? Is she angry? Focused? Constipated? In an alternate state of mind due to possession by the Ancient Ones? What the fuck is that?!

As for the other movies, Batman wasn’t very good (way too political, up to and including a blatant Reagan parody) but Cabin was a very clever movie. Lots of great moments in that one, and “the stoner” was fantastic.

Wrath of the Titans is an interesting one. I’m a sucker for Greek mythology, and any movie that features a chimera can do no wrong with me. My main gripe with this movie, and with the original too, is that it’s way too American. The characters are too American, the actors are too American, the dialog is too American, the jokes are too American, the combat is too American, the romance is too American, quite literally the entire movie just feels too American. I get that most movies are American, and most of the time I don’t have a problem with it. It’s just that for a fantasy story, it doesn’t work. Demi-gods don’t spout one-liners, ancient Greeks don’t have a thick US accent, Hades doesn’t threaten to send you to hell, a Greek hero doesn’t kiss the female commander of the army full on the mouth, and the list goes on. The “Americanism” of this movie clashes (haha) with its setting, and it started to bug me something fierce. It’s like if in Lord of the Rings, Saruman were to announce his betrayal to Gandalf with “Sauron is gonna steamroll us if we don’t switch to his side! No way we’re winning this! Join us, Grey, or I’ll send you to the deepest pits of hell myself!”, to which Gandalf replies “You’re an idiot! I’m leaving”. It doesn’t work.

It’s too bad as well, because I always like seeing what moviemakers can come up with for Greek Mythology, and this one went so far as to include even Hephaestus, the most underappreciated god if you ask me. The dude made flying shoes, invisibility helmets, unbreakable shields, robots and even a woman, but he never gets any love.

Overall, I still enjoyed Wrath, though. There’s good action scenes here, and some cool monster designs show up. I also really liked what they did to the character Andromeda, played here by Rosamund Pike, as compared to the original. In the original she was no more than a princess in need of rescue, on par with Princess Peach, but in the sequel she’s the full-fledged commander of a fucking army. Rosamund Pike also pulls some of the most awesome expressions I’ve ever seen.

Rosamund Pike doing the best “Oh shit!”-face ever. Kristen Stewart take notes.

Long story short, I recommend Breaking Dawn 2 if you want to laugh your ass off, and I pray to Zeus that claiming a movie is “too American” isn’t racist in some way.

But before we get to the caps, it's the Battle of the S's with a new Fapcast involving Strider, Smurfee and Shade!

* - MisterDonut looks at the Tiny Tina controversy completely rageless, something that the Internet needs to do more often. By the way, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "badonkadonks" means boobs? That is, it sounds like it would mean boobs? It SHOULD mean boobs, and that's all I have to say about that.

* - Marcunio looks at David Cage's recent points on how the video game industry can grow up, and makes some very good points of his own. Especially read the last paragraph.

* - Voltech takes an in-depth look at Majora's Mask. He apparently has more, but is holding it hostage. By the way, I want a new Zelda game to actually feature Majora. Think about it, we have no clue who "Majora" is, just that his (her?) mask is evil. I want to know more!

A - This is an interesting topic; how much fan input should devs "suffer" on their games? Personally, I think any input during the development process is a good thing and should be seriously considered (That said, put Shulk and Kalas in the next Smash. Bros, Nintendo!). Having fans dictate a change in a finished product (Mass Effect 3), however, is crossing a line.

A - crackedbat isn't happy with the new developments on Rayman Legends (seriously though, why a delay for the WiiU version WHICH IS ALREADY FUCKING DONE), but found seven other things to do this September.

F - The PC Friday Night Fights with Aliens. Predators are still better.

V - At first I thought that this was about the twelfth "The Wheel of Time" novel. Then I saw that it was just a look at the new Guild Wars update, and was disappointed.

V - DMC most definitely does not deserve all the praise it's been getting....

R - Or does it?

R - Fortunately, I do know that there will always be one game that deserves each and every little bit of praise it gets: Country Dance Wii

Take note of Rosamund Pike pulling another amazing face at 2:44

F - Man, this almost looks like gun propaganda. I guess there's a line in here about Rick Grimes, which still doesn't explain what it's doing on Destructoid, but otherwise it's all gun.

- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade

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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
Fridays - Gamemaniac3434
Saturdays - AmnaUmen
Sundays - Riobux

Reserve Recappers:
Hypno Coffin

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!

Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.


1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.

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Help us spread the word out on these recaps and in turn, everyone's blogs too! (These tweets appear on Dtoid's official accounts as well)




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