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C Blogs of 08/19/14 + Wrenchisms


Took a dip into the weird end of Steam lately. Goat Simulator, Five Nights at Freddy's, Jazzpunk. I can feel my brains sliding out of my ears as we speak.

Goat Simulator is ridiculous and it knows it. Mixing parts of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater with dada-ists sense of humour and a distinctly “Euro-dev” look and feel, they created something weird and wonderful and bizarre. Everything feels like it's held together with shoestrings and hope, with bouncy physics and simple AI. Things “break” constantly. Leave your spastic rocket-pack on a little too long and your goat will get a stretched out Slenderman look. Fire enough softballs at the townsfolk from the automatic pitcher you got stuck in your back and the game sputters and slows to a crawl. Cause a big enough explosion and the whole damn thing goes haywire. I'm not even sure if “breaking” is the right way to describe it. The game basically exists in a constant state of “mildly broken” and it's genuinely hard to tell sometimes if something is “broken” broken, or “broken as intended”. 

It's fantastic and delightful. A playpen filled with small distractions, dumb goofs, and one-off oddities. It's a pure play experience like you don't often see in today's big budget, heavily scripted, theme-park attraction type games. I'm not saying Goat Simulator is a “good” game, but I will say it's a “fun” one, and that might matter more in the long run.

I bought Five Nights at Freddy's at the request of my girlfriend after she saw a few minutes of it on a Let's Play. I guess it's true, sometimes you hurt the ones you love.

Freddy's is weird. Like really weird. The basic premise is that you're the new Night Watchman of essentially a haunted (?) Chucky Cheese knock-off restaurant. Only you're not really worried about buglers or vandals, you're there to keep an eye on the attractions, the animatronic cast that has the peculiar habit of roaming the halls of the restaurant late and night and attacking anyone they come across. 

It almost seems safer to NOT have a Night Watchman at a certain point and just let them prance about.

From the entirely unsafe haven of the security room, it is your job to monitor the multiple poorly placed, and wholly unreliable, security cameras placed around the joint and make sure Freddy and friends aren't creeping up on you or getting into any other kind of mischief. They don't like to be watched and won't move if they know you're looking (how they know is a spoooooooky mystery naturally) so you're basically staring down these creepy mother fuckers as they lurk just outside your door. Did I mention you have limited battery power? The more you use the cameras, lights, and electronically locked doors, the faster you burn down the juice. Run out before 6:00 am and you're mascot-chow. 

Freddy's is super crazy. Kind of annoying to play to be honest, but what a killer idea. Probably worth the $5 I threw at it, and definitely worth it come the inevitable Steam sale where it will probably move for 99 cents. Keep it in the back of your mind next to all the other skeletons and centipedes and remember it when your looking for a spooking. 

Lastly, I've finally played a little bit of Jazzpunk.

Hey everyone? GO BUY JAZZPUNK.

I almost don't want to talk about it very much right now, I feel like I probably have a blog in me about it. I will say this though, I've never been more delighted by an aesthetic or opening movie. Five minutes in and I was already declaring Jazzpunk GOTY. 

* - In the great legacy of worthy Batman games, it's pretty much Batman for the NES, a huge long drought of terrible games you should never touch, and then Arkham Asylum. It took a long time for video games to do THE BAT right.

* - Glowbear shares her experience with depression and some advice. It can be educating and even helpful to play some of these empathy games, but be careful not to wallow in the depression miasma. After a certain point, you might be doing more harm than good.

S - Mark your calenders, its the anniversary of Too Human! Celebrate by treating yourself to a unskippable two minute long cinematic.

A - I love how nobody really seemed to care all that much about the Tomb Raider reboot until it became an Xbox exclusive, now there is a huge outcry. I remember the last TR coming out to modest fan reception and respectable, but not mind-blowing, sales. But hey, it's something to be upset about.

A - Fenriff looks back at the Breath of Fire series and sees which ones have held up, and which are best left to sweet, sweet memory.

A - This is kind of a wall of text, but the gist is “be excellent to one another.”

T - I will always check out cool free indie games. A sprite based modern Wing Commander rip-off seems like just the right ticket.

R - It's true that every story has two sides and you shouldn't believe everything you hear. That said, I think it gets hard to justify some of the shit going on in Ferguson. The whole “wait till you hear both sides of the story, btw, we won't produce the autopsy report for over a week and we're kicking out reporters, so just trust whatever we say when it's all over” seems real crazy to me. Whatever, this isn't the place to get into this kind of thing, but I didn't want to just recap this without commenting.

L - Oh Nintendo, such rascals.

- Recorded footage of me playing Freddy's

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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

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