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LONG BLOG

C Blogs of 07/29/14 + Gods Will Be Wrenching

   0




God Will Be Watching.

And I'm pretty sure I hear them giggling at me.

I picked up Gods Will Be Watching the other day. I was impressed by the trailer, the art design, and some of the buzz I heard surrounding it. I heard it described “bad decision” simulator, where you're constantly confronted with catch-22 situations and equally unappealing options, where the “right: answer was a pipe dream and you mostly were just trying to be “less wrong”.

Sadly, that's not the case. There might not be plenty of “right” answers in Gods Will Be Watching, but there sure as hell are a lot of “WRONG, TRY AGAIN STUPID!” ones. The high tension emotional stakes and nervous energy of a hostage situation or medical emergency tend to run out of gas sometime around the fifth or sixth try in a row where everything turns to shit not even halfway through charging your hack bar or running up your antidote meter (what is it with this game and big computer screens with count-downs?).

Arbitrary game overs, painful trial and error, and random flukes make up most of the gameplay experience. The scenarios themselves are terribly repetitive (endure days and days of torture by lying, begging, and confessing without getting killed, mix up antidotes and dig out a hole by shuffling your team about, etc). They'd get to be a chore only doing them once or twice. The fact that it will probably take you several attempts just to make headway on each of them is almost unbelievable.

The worst sin however is that for a game based on story telling and dialog, they didn't bother to make much of either. In a SUCESSFUL run of a scenario you are likely to run into repeated loops of painfully stilted and poorly written dialog. When you consider how many times you'll likely have to try these levels, you end up mashing the left click button to skip it all so much you'll wear a hole in your mouse.

The characters are generic and the game doesn't give you much reason to care for any of them. There isn't a lot done to make you feel like the hostages are anything more than resources to spend (despite giving you stats at the end that wag their finger at you if you killed any of them), or any time spent making your research team feel like anything other than circulatory systems to shoot unstable compounds into. You're supposed to give a shit about your player character Sgt. Burden (get it, like the Burden of choice, huh huh, CLEVER!) and his army pal Jack, but with the macho 80's dialog they give them and the limited back story, it's hard to form a bond.



It's even harder when the game doesn't even seem to be taking itself seriously. During the torture sequence of Chapter 2 in my game, Jack was beaten to death while trying to think up a lie to tell our captors. My character spent the next three nights having conversations (the same he would have had he been alive) with Jack's ghost/imaginary figment. Ok, fair enough, they still needed to find a way to make that sequence work and while it seems lazy to just give GhostJack the same dialog as LiveJack, I can deal with it.

In Chapter 3, Jack was alive and well to help me play fetch with the dog and dig our way out of a collapsed research station. No explanation offered.

The Gods Will Be Watching? They can watch me uninstall and forget this game.

* - Riobux loves well written villain protagonists. He has less love for the dunces in Clive Baker's Jericho.

* - Kumatora is totally confirmed for brawl, C-Blog exclusive news right here.

* - This strange precursor to Dark Souls/Bloodborne looks fascinating.

P - Pstoid needs more questions for tonight! Of course, this was posted on Tuesday, so make sure to send your e-mail through a time vortex.

A - Top 5 consoles, SNES isn't at the top of the list. Tsk, tsk, see me after class.

S - Those wacky German censors are at it again. I kind of love the hasty robot-makeover they did on the box art of Commando

A - Tim Schafer is a heart breaker, don't fall for his point-and-click love.

A - Should anyone buy anything on day one? Short answer: Probably not. Realistic answer: We probably still will.

T - The Saturn was a strange beast, but man, some of those games.

C - I appreciate the idea behind this blog, but I'm not sure I really want to see a 3 sentence Easter egg blog everyday. Maybe an Easter egg a week with a more detailed write up?

R - Pixie got a new tablet, game, and shovel. Living the good life!




-Wrenchfarm


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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Schedule:
Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
Fridays - Gamemaniac3434
Saturdays - AmnaUmen
Sundays - Riobux

Reserve Recappers:
Gajknight
LinkSlayer64
ShadeOfLight
Torchman
TheBlondeBass
Hypno Coffin

Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!



Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.

Rules

1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Stellaris
-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)
-Armello
-Undertale
-ABZU

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.


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