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C Blogs of 06/10/14 + Birthday Wrenchims!


Here are some things -

Today is my Birthday! I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Having my birthday during the E3 craze has been a lot of fun, a good excuse to hang out with my bro and play Heckle and Jekel as we watch the conferences. My family was crazy great to me this year and I got a brand new fancy keyboard to replace my 15 year old dusty relic (finally, a working delete key!), the absolutely insane looking Risk: Legacy board game, and a straight razor I can use to commit suicide after I get pounded into oblivion at the end of a 4 hour game of Risk. It all dovetails together very nicely.

Me and Kass got together with my bro and his GF to celebrate. We spilled some drinks, played Cards Against Humanity, and the delightfully broken pre-alpha build of Gang Beasts. Presumably Gang Beasts is a kind of Smash Bros like fighting game, but really it just seemed to be a drunken baby simulator where you flop around until your brother awkwardly tosses you in front of a subway train.

We ended up playing Samurai Gunn for more than an hour. I can't recommend that game enough, it's what arcades should have been doing back in 1987.

Microsoft didn't catch on fire! -

Microsoft did a good job this year. As the rest of the internet has been quick to point out, they didn't waste any time on silly shit like TV and video chat. They focused on what gamers wants – white dudes killing stuff.

I'm being a smug prick, but I have to say, I actually really like the look of the new Call of Duty. Probably because it looks like a prequel to Titanfall. You've got funny looking future-tech, jump-jets, big honking mechs, and a gun ripped straight out of that William Shattner classic, Tek-Wars. Maybe this will finally be the CoD I join in on? Although I think I said the same thing about Advance Wars and never followed through. Hrumph.

Fable is obnoxious. Take your fart jokes, shitty character design, and overblown promises elsewhere. That steaming pile of Molyneux crash landed on the conference and killed the momentum dead. Pairing it up with Project Spark was probably not the best idea (but it did give me a good opportunity to grab a cup of coffee). Also, Conker? Really? Okay.

They showed some other interesting stuff. Inside looks neat and reminds me of Out of this World. Evolve looks like something I'll play (and never get as into as I think I will). And the indie game selection is banging.

CUPHEAD. That is all.

The emotion of soccer -


Battlefield Hardline -

- Because launching games from a web browser is always a fantastic and hassle-free experience. Thanks EA, if nothing else you're consistent.

I got into the beta of Hardline (which was a legitimately cool surprise and a neat stunt to pull), and after much fussing about and dealing with broken websites, menus, and launch browsers, I finally played a few rounds and I'm sorry to say it seems pretty bland.

Nobody was more excited by the idea of reliving Heat in the BF world than me, but in execution it leaves a lot to be desired. Everything seemed slow and awkward in a way that's hard to describe. I'd use the word sticky if that makes sense to you. You press a button, wait a jarring half second, and then something happens. Maybe playing a shit-ton of Titanfall over the last few months has ruined me on more traditional shooters, but it felt very stilted and clumsy. The cops and robbers aesthetic doesn't come across, it feels just like playing as soldiers who happen to be fighting in a downtown area (which is either brilliant commentary on the rapid militarization of police departments in North America and lax gun control regulation that lets criminals get their hands on assault weapons, or just shoddy game design).

The common criticism of Hardline so far is that it seems like a mod to BF4 more than a real game. I'd like to have some kind of interesting angle or nuanced opinion on the topic, but I have to agree. Not sure why this isn't just a map-pack/game-mode for BF4, other than BF4 being a toxic name I'm sure they can't wait to get clear of.

Goddamnit, now I have to buy a PS4 -

Bloodborn. BLOODBORN.

I could not be more excited. The king has returned, Hidetaka Miyazaki has a new vision to share with us and if it lives up to the standards he's set with Demon Souls and the original Dark Souls, we're in for something special. Dark Souls 2 is a fine game and I'm enjoying it (still haven't beat it actually, keep re-making new characters with different builds and finding new ways to approach the first few areas) but it does seem to be missing a certain je ne sa quois I've come to expect from the series. It's mysteries seemed more arbitrary and less intriguing, the challenges less creative and more overwhelming, the world sprawls out from the centre instead of building on top of itself and is less interesting in the process.

I don't know if those issues are due to the nature of sequels (it would be almost impossible to capture lighting in a bottle three times in a row), or if the lack of Miyazaki's guiding hand really meant that much. Regardless, I am excited to see him working on something new and more than willing to give whatever he does a chance.

The only downside is that now I've got to buy a PS4. I haven't made the next-gen jump yet, but I just sort of assumed I'd be getting an Xbone eventually since I'm already in the whole XBL eco-system and generally really enjoyed the 360. Now though? Well that's a tougher question now. Do I toss in with the Sony brand JUST for Bloodborn? Do I get a second job and buy both?  Uggghh.


Jesus, way to go Nintendo! Everyone knows how bad the Wii U is suffering, but Nintendo really made a case for it this year (well, at least they made a case for buying one in 2015).

The new Zelda looks spectacular, truly beautiful. Smash Bros continues to fly out of control into this wonderful, silly, THING that is has become. Yoshi Yarn is too damn lovely to be snarky towards and  claymation Kirby stole my heart. Hyrule Warriors looks reaalllll fucking dumb in the way that I love real fucking dumb things, and you might as well toss those goofy ass amiibos in there too – I would probably pick up a few of them because I am that kind of sucker who goes in for goofy things. Sorry everyone.

CAPTAIN TOAD: TREASURE TRACKER. Oh my lord, thank you for this.

So yeah, all of a sudden I kind of want a Wii U.

This is what they mean when they say software sells systems. At the end of the day, it's less about the number of rusticles you can terra-flop on a 42k screen per second, it's about how much joy you can manufacture.

If the Vita can become a turn around success story due to smart software choices and decent cross-play options, you can bet Nintendo can still turn around the Wii U. Wouldn't that be a fantastic story?

A - Some quick E3 Day zero reactions from gigantor21.

A - More E3 reactions! All95 seems fairly impressed all around.

A - Nintendo took us to Baller-town this year. For a company that has been characterized as out of touch and slowly bleeding out, they showed a ton of swagger.

N - Evolve is coming soon I guess?

R - Murdered Soul Suspect seems ok! Now he's got me wishing they made a Supernatural game with similar mechanics though.

C - Dry muttering over a YouTube video. This is the dark and grim future we've made for ourselves.



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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

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Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!

Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.


1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.

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