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C Blogs of 01/21/14 + Wrenchisms


So here are some things -

1. You need to read this "Let's Break" of FFIII for the SNES (FFVI for the cool kids).

I spent the better part of last night reading this INCREDIBLE article about glitches in FFIII. I absolutely adored FFIII as a child and spent a great deal of time investigating the various playground rumours about it's hidden secrets. Some turned out to be true (Invisible+doom was cruise control for cool, and the rarely used Berserk spell made the Tower bonus-boss a piece of cake), most turned out to be false (thanks for wasting my time grinding over 1000 dinosaurs in the dino forest). NONE of them were anywhere near this cool.

Getting the airship at the start of the game? Sequence breaking entire quest chains? Playing as Terra (sort of) during the opera scene? RESURECTING GENERAL LEO WITHOUT A GAME GENIE? Madness, utter madness.

I love glitches and sequence breaks, and the shenanigans listed in this article series are some of the best I've ever seen. A must read.

2. The Saltiest warriors ever.

This thread over at the Mortal Kombat 9 fansite Test Your Might combines the best and the worst aspects of the fighting game community.

After years of simmering animosity and months of twitter sniping, one of the biggest names in the MK9 scene, a player named REO, called out two time EVO winner Perfect Legend to a personal grudge match. The idea is to settle once and for all who is the best MK9 player. Money, pride, and status are on the line, and the politics and drama of a public challenge is fascinating to watch. Seriously, I've haven't cared about MK9 like this since it was released.

On one hand, this kind of direct "put your money where your mouth is" competition is one of the things I like most about fighting games. In most games, when someone is belligerent in a forum or on twitter, there is little you can do about it. You can't exactly hope to meet up with the one specific guy in a game of BF3, and even if you do, if you win, he'll just blame it on his team, the map, your team exploiting, and yadda yadda. In fighting games, the community is so small, and the competition so direct, that you can always challenge someone to back up their claims. I've always been a little disappointed that very few people actually do this, and even fewer accept such a challenge. Despite all the tough guy posturing in the FGC, the egos involved are delicate little things.

On the other hand, holy shit is this a tempest in a tea-cup! People who take fighting games DEADLY seriously are already a niche breed. FGs occupy a very small foothold in the overall industry, and the majority of sales for fighting games come from casual players who pick up a title as a novelty and don't stick around (you can look at the precipitously falling sales numbers of SFIV and MvC3's various incarnations as proof of this). In this tiny little sub-set of humanity, the number of people who take MK9, of all games, extremely seriously are almost in the realm of statistical error. This is a deep, DEEP cut. While SSFIV enjoyed around 2000 eager entrants at EVO 2013, the MK9 pools only managed to bring in 250 odd players interested in becoming the worlds best Kombatant. Comparatively, games maligned as "casual fighters" like Persona 4 Arena and Injustice managed to bring in more players (around 400 and 600 respectively).

So we have two "big" names in a VERY small community calling each other out over a game that most members of the FGC snicker at. Talk about sound and fury signifying nothing. From the perspective of a fighting game enthusiast, everything about this situation seems HYPE AS HELL. But when I step back and try to view it from the lens of a regular adult, it seems unbelievable juvenile.

I guess that's kinda my perspective on the FGC in a nutshell.

3. Speaking of fighting games, my girlfriend BODIED me in Darkstalkers.

So the 360 we've been using at my girlfriend's place has been flat broken for over a year. It locks up, chugs occasionally, and worst of all, refuses to accept or play new disks. Curiously, it never had a problem with the You Don't Know Jack disk, so it pretty much became a YDKJ machine, which suited us fine.

In November I let my Gold subscription lapse, and my (marginally) working 360 has been collecting dust ever since (it sounds like a jet engine has a problem with overheating that only seems to crop up while playing GTA V), so I figured why not take it over to the GF's and play some games we never have together? Fun right?

Co-op Spelunky was "fun". If your definition of fun includes your girlfriend throwing a rock at you that knocks you into a pit of spikes. Or accidentally shooting your love like some knock-off William S. Burroughs. Or just plain forgetting the controls and dropping a bomb that blows up both players and the puppy we were trying to rescue. Fun, fun, fun.

Condemmed made me feel like getting a tetanus shot. Not sure if we'll get back to that one, seems a little bland. But I remember other Dtoiders singing its praises (the late great Awesome Ex Machina did a FEW blogs about it if memory serves), so maybe we'll give it another shot.

Me being a fighting game fan, and she being a horror nerd, I figured we might want to check out Darkstalkers HD, a game I bought on release, and to my shame, only played for about 15 minutes. BIG MISTAKE. Turns out I have no idea how to play Darkstalkers and Kass intuitively understood everything she needed to know to win.


Anarkaris, the giant mummy dude you might recognize from MvC2, has possibly the best sweep and crouching pokes I've ever seen in a fighter. He can sit at half screen and Dhalshim like extend his foot, taking a slight detour underground, and just constantly stuff every attack you bring to him. Get close, and he'll just push you away with his little booties light kick until you're back into glorious sweep range. It was mesmerizing. I'm sure it's beatable. I'm sure the wine didn't help. But you know, I just assumed that Q-Bee could FLY over his legs. Nope.

Darkstalkers is weird.

Q-bee pic because Q-Bee

* - Any blog that features the Godlike classic, BASE WARS, is probably gonna get topsauced by me.

* - My eyes glaze over whenever someone starts debating what is and isn't a "real gamer", but then Johnathan Holmes elbowed dropped the comment section with a mother fucking truth bomb and everything was sunshine and Bing Crosby songs in my world.

* - Can never get enough Spelunky love!

* - 1000x this. We need a proper Metroid revival, Nintendo needs money, LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN.

A - Hoffmann is looking for contributors to his games-are-art project. Have any favourite characters you'd like to write about?

A - Goddamn, Smash Brothers was so fresh.

A - An interesting look at the concept development behind Drakengard 3.

A - http://www.destrucMark thinks Link Between Worlds is a better game than Skyword Sword, and it's not just because he is an old

A - An interesting blog about games taking themselves too seriously, or more accurately, trying to have their cake and eat it too (GTA is a gripping crime drama where you can produce a minigun from your pant's pocket).

R - I giggle anytime I see a review with a blank-out-of-ten score for "sound". It's such a throwback to the days of print mags like EGM!

F - One of the worst serious blogs I've read in a long time. Juvenile snipes, massive generalizations, terrible writing, ugh. Usually I reserve FAIL for obvious spam, troll posts, and ads. Um, congrats on being the rare exception?


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About CblogRecapsone of us since 11:27 PM on 07.02.2008

About Cblog Recaps

Mondays - Lord Spencer
Tuesdays - Larxinostic
Wednesdays - DeadMoon
Thursdays -OrochiLeona
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Reserve Recappers:
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Current "Bloggers Wanted" assignment
Fake it until you make it

This month's bloggers wanted prompt is something we stole. You see, by stealing this idea, you have no idea how truly inept I actually am. By pretending to know what I'm doing, I have clearly used my ill-gotten status to meet such big-time celebrities as Darlington Woolie "Pie Stealer" Madden or Sara from [insert pixel indie game studio here].

This month's bloggers wanted was inspired by the internal enjoyment we had at reading TheBlondeBass' promoted blog on faking conversational anime knowledge. And now it seems as good a time as ever to pretend to know what's going on since the new Fate/Grand Order game launched and qtoid is talking about it. I am a big fan of the character design of Artoria in the blue dress, or Artoria in the suit, or Artoria in the red dress. But seriously, we enjoyed the format so much that we want to ask the community for their own ideas at faking it at all sorts of things.

But this prompt is not just for anime, of course. The video game industry is fractured with all sorts of niche interests that only an insane rich person with no job could realistically know everything about. This month's bloggers wanted is about taking a subject you want to offer advice on faking knowledge about in order to help the greater community, for better or for worse. If this doesn't sound serious, don't worry, you're not supposed to take it seriously. You don't have to be an expert in whatever you talk about any more than Bass is an expert in anime.

I seriously don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.

Offer advice on anything you can expand your mind on. Want to help people get into character action games? The more Ss you put into its grading system, the cooler it is! Want to convince people to get into the Neptunia series? Just say "Nep-Nep!" and you're all set to convince people of your technical knowledge! Can you get someone into RTS game by just talking about your APM? Someone's bound to believe some random technical jargon you made up!

To get started, start a blog and title it "Faking it: [your blog title here]." Then you can be as serious or facetious as you want as you provide advice on any number of things: learning how to play fighting games, trying a long-running franchise you've probably neglected, or even explaining a game's timeline. Heck, you can probably seriously try on that last one and we still wouldn't believe you.

Good luck this month. Only true cowards rely on facts. Real heroes pretend to know what they're doing!

Current Community Contests
PREPARE TO CONTEST - The Master Gaming List Birthday Giveaway!

Good Morning/Evening/Yesterday, my Friends/Robots/INSERT WAIFU HERE,

More or less a week ago, the Master Gaming List turned one year old. I had a speech prepared, but the blog editor ate it four or five times over the last few days, so I'm kind of winging it now.

Despite all of the threatening and cajoling I initially made to get you all on the list, I never imagined I'd still be adding names a year later (and by "you all", I mostly mean GajKnight). It was kind of a ridiculous undertaking at first, trying to make a semi-permanent, easily-updatable list of everyone's contact info. I'm not even sure what everyone was being hyped over last year that got me to do this.

That said, I'm glad it came together, and this list has lead to many other things for me on Destructoid; whether it was me becoming our laziest, cuddliest Community Manager, or our laziest, cuddliest Reviews-type-person, I have always enjoyed the full love and support of this community.

In thanks, and with the assistance of quite a few others, I've gathered up a number of game keys to give away to you all.

The Contest

I've never run a contest before, so let's keep things simple. Write me a haiku about your favorite game.


1. The haiku must not include the title of the game.

2. I will accept any other form of structured poetry if you are unable to haiku but can iambic pantameter (you monster).

3. Please state what key you are going for, and a backup if that one is taken (admittedly, it's quantity over variety here)

4. The tentative end date of the contest will be August 13th, and will be bumped at least once during that time.

Available Keys

-Aporia: Beyond The Valley (Multiple Keys)
-The Witness
-Citadel: Forged With Fire (Multiple Keys)

Thank you to all 282 of you who have made the Master List a successful project over the past year! I will continue updating it into the forseeable future.

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