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LONG BLOG

Comments of the Week 62: All Aboard The Smash Hype Train

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Hi everybody! It's-a me, GoofierBrute, here with a brand new edition of Comment of the Week. Before we start, I just have some stuff to get off my chest first. I've been holding it in for awhile, but I need to get it out of the way before we go any further. So without further ado........*deep breath*

*fanboy squeeling* OH MY GOD SIMON BELMONT IS IN SMASH ULTIMATE! HE'S GOING TO HAVE HIS OWN STAGE WITH DRACULA SHOWING UP AND THERE ARE 34 SONGS, INCLUDING IRON BLUE INTENTIONS! AND RICHTER IS GOING TO BE A ECHO FIGHTER AND OH MY GOD THEY KILLED LUIGI, THOSE BASTARDS! AND WHAT'S THAT?! OH MY GOD IT'S DARK SAMUS AND CHROM AS ECHO FIGHTERS! AND THEY'RE GOING TO SHOW OFF MORE FIGHTERS BEFORE RELEASE! THEY'RE GOING HAVE 103 WITH STAGE TRANSFORMATIONS AND 900 +MUSIC TRACKS, AND FINAL SMASHES CAN BE TIED TO A METER, WHICH MEANS NOW FINAL SMASHES CAN BE USED AT EVO! THIS CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN-

.......WHAT WAS THAT?! OH MY GOD KING FREAKING K.ROOL IS IN AND HE JUST KILLED KING DEDEDE!! OH GOD HE HAS HIS BLUDNERBUSS FROM DKC 2 AND THAT STUPID HELICOPTER PACK FROM DKC 3! HIS FINAL SMASH IS THE GODDAMN GAME OVER FROM DK 64 AND OH MY GOD THAT REMIX OF GANGPLANK GALLEON!

10 BILLION OUT 10, GAME OF THE FOREVER, I WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANYHTING AGAIN SAKURAI! YOU BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL MAN, WE DO NOT DESERVE YOU! *heavy breathing*

........Sorry about that everyone. I may have gotten a little excited there. Sooooooo.......Comments of the Week!

GoofierBrute: OOOOOOOH MYYYYYYYY!

GoofierBrute: I get it! 

.........I don't get it.

GoofierBrute: I think more people would be so excited for this game if Square Enix weren't so quiet about it!

.......Look, it was either a lousy pun or a reference to the 1950 John Wayne classic movie The Quiet Man, and I don't think many of you are familar with that movie for me to make a reference, so lousy pun it is. (But seriously, go watch that movie it's one of John Wayne's best, the last ten minutes are literally John Wayne getting into a fist fight.)

GoofierBrute: Don't worry, if Bethesda's excellent track record of Q & A has taught me anything, the shotgun blast will miss Tom and hit Spike in the backyard. Tom will still get hurt though.

GoofierBrute: Has science gone too far? Yes. The answer is yes.

GoofierBrute: I could forgive the lack of Shrek and John Cena, but Joey over Chandler? Come on, Bandai Namco!

GoofierBrute: R.I.P. in pepperoni Green Mario. You may be dead, but your odds of being in Smash are better than Waluigi's, and that's what matters.

GoofierBrute: But will Smash Ultimate bring back my dog who ran away while I was in summer camp?

GoofierBrute: It's actually more he's pulling a Poochie and returning to his home planet, for they need him.

GoofierBrute: Sakurai right now:

GoofierBrute: You get a Goku! And you get a Goku! Everyone is getting a Goku!

GoofierBrute: His brother Mario? Totally dead. Ridely killed him good.

GoofierBrute: I did Nazi those puns coming.

.........I got nothing.

GoofierBrute: Team Rocket: the only evil Pokemon orginization who's members are both cruel and incompotent!

GoofierBrute: The 90s in a nutshell.

GoofierBrute: I never asked for this, but now that I know about it, I wish this were real.

GoofierBrute: Okay, but Switch port wh-

.......Wait a minute!

GoofierBrute:.......I mean, she ain't wrong. Also #IkeaFurniture4Smash

GoofierBrute: MORE LIKE FORTNITE, AMIRITE GUYS?!

.......Waaaaait.

GoofierBrute: To be fair, the days aren't any better for Luigi. You know, because HE'S DEAD!

GoofierBrute: Needless to say, I am not a FAN of these puns.

......Crap.

GoofierBrute: SO THEY'RE FINALLY HERE! POSING FOR YOU! IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS, YOU CAN ORAORAORAORA TOO! PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER IF YOU WANT TO ZA WARUDO, AS WE TAKE YOU THROUGH THIS BIZARRE ADVENTURE!

And that will wrap it up this week. There were so many comments and quick posts, that this is the first time I had to actually cut things down. In any case, before I wrap this up, let me leave with some quick words of wisdom:

"Ridely is too big to be playable in Smash."

That's all folks! See you next week for a brand new Comments of the Week!

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About COTWone of us since 9:21 PM on 05.12.2017

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