I was clearly going off the deep end. After five days of the game, if you could call it that, only taking breaks for food and classes, my eyes had become blurry, throbbing tomatoes. Time had clearly gone out the window, and outside noise had been drowned out by absence. I zoned out whatever I was hearing. There was an eerie quiet that filled the room, even as my roommate watched another episode of Law and Order
in an endless marathon that lasted all semester. And then...silence. It was just me and the space babies. Nothing hurt anymore. There was no pain, no love, no sorrow. Within my mind, I looked around. What was this transcendence? Had I found inner peace through an atrocious game? It was around this time that I collected my millionth coin.
Ding. Achievement unlocked. It was done, and I felt a calm wave of relief. The nightmare was over, and I wondered if I wasn't a better person for it. Before I turned it off for what was sure to be the last time, I decided to take one last look in the store. All this money, I might as well spend it on the rest of the cars and colors.
Reality came crashing back as I realized that, including the things I had already purchased, the total amount of coins you need to buy everything in the shop is only about 150,000. What. The. Hell. Why the fuck
would anyone need to collect one million coins? There's no point to it at all! It's just the developer getting full of themselves! I realized that somewhere out there, the person who designed these achievements was probably laughing at me and all my wasted time.
I hate you, Backbone. If there is a God, none of you will ever make a game again. I hate you, Toyota. All this game made me want to do is blow up any Yaris I see with death charges from a rocket-propelled hoverboard dog. I hate you, God. You should have struck me dead. I hate you, Me. You actually thought there was something worthwhile to say about this game. And in a way, I hate you, Reader. You actually took the time to read this over 2,300-word article, longer than most of my college papers. Did you think there was going to be some big pay-off? Well, the joke's on all of us.
tl;dr - This shit sucks. Don't play it.
Necros is an extremely bitter man who has time to write unnecessarily long articles about reprehensible games now that classes are over at Syracuse University. He's usually on Failcast when he's not coming up with ways to waste your time.