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Left for Dead Review: Should you leave this one in the pasture?

So much hype, so many awards, it is hard not to notice Left for Dead. It beckons you and calls you in with its siren like sounds and begs you to join. But is it worth giving to this temptation or is it a waste of time?

I give you the review for...

Plot: Apparently the second film in a trilogy, a "posse" of woman are hunting down a man they believed to have raped one of their own. Another woman carrying a bundle is looking for the same man cause he left a woman pregnant. He flies to the town of Amnesty where an evil ghost lives there.

Also, whore.

My Review: Sorry, this is not about the Turtle Rock/Valve game that will make your heads explode make you forget about Ghey Tickle Aged Floor or Cawk of Dooty Flor either. This is about the movie, a foreign horror flick. Although it is not very heavy on the horror.

I did pick it up for the title and I thought it was going to be a western. When I looked at the awards it got, it said horror. I chuckled and went on my cheery way to watch it. It didn't last too long, no thanks to the horror.

The beginning of the movie started with some words to set the plot up. Amnesty was a town that was fine but the priest had a secret affair with one of the town whores. Then his wife comes home and the whores throw a revolt and kill everyone in the place. The priest makes renounces God and makes a pact with the dev...*yawn* why does this sound so familiar? Oh yeah, it was done before with Nicholas Cage. No not the amazing Wicker Man but the other amazing Ghost Rider. Only difference is the guy is stuck in the town with no motorcycle and no skull head.

The movie just never picked up for me. It was full of woman but none were that attractive. I think the main character Clementine got the award for best actress but I was thoroughly unimpressed with what she did with her character.

So everyone is looking for this "rapist" and he runs into the town of Amnesty thinking it is save. The ghost, Morbius, is there but they become friends cause he offers him a cigarette. Really? That's all it takes? Next haunted place I go to, remind me to get a pack of smokes before I go.

clem meets up with the whores and they all go looking for the guy in this town and find him in the church. The one place the ghost can't go. This is where the "story" gets fleshed out. Turns out Clem is married to the guy and she was the pregnant woman. Her baby died and this whole time she was carrying the dead baby in her bundle just to show the guy (you don't actually see it). Also one of the whores is pregnant and says it is from him which he denies...I am getting tired of this.

Ghost shoots and kills all the whores outside the church. The guy is the father of the baby and he seems like a real big prick, telling the whore he would take her away from there and telling his woman he was planning on stealing the baby for them. Pretty boring stuff. The whores get what was coming to them and so do Clem and her man.

I was mostly disappointed but there are good things to the mix. Although the ghost was obviously just a rip off of Ghost Rider, Gungrave, and Trigun, he still held an element of cool. Maybe it was the way his cape flowed in the wind or the way he carried himself, but he was sweet. And he stuck it to the whores, if you know what I am saying...he killed them.

For a horror movie, I wasn't really scared at all. Wasn't scary. But towards the end it does get distrubing. Especially when...the ghost hangs up the main whore and kind of guts her but the end result is what appears to him ripping out her ovaries and rubbing them on her face and proceeds to leave her to die. Get it? Don't worry, it gets worse! They eventually show what the whores did to the town in detail including hanging him up, killing some people and slitting open his wife's stomach to pull out the unborn child on a hook and parade it around for all to see. Yes, it was a bit much and I love my horror. It was just not what I expected. And I also didn't like how they kept using the same line in the movie "oh, it is just a stomach wound, it hurts but it will take days to die from." It was too much, and didn't Three Kings kind of tell us a different story?

My Conclustion: I was looking forward to writing this review and now that I have gotten to it, I want it to be over. The movie is a waste of your time. Put it out in the pasture and put it out of its misery. Unless you want to see something a little disturbing at the end. It could have a good story but I didn't find one.

My Rating: 4 - Whores should be attractive.

*Note: I should give this one a 1-Star but I don't have a 1-Star image online so I can't.
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About BlindsideDorkone of us since 11:46 AM on 11.10.2006

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