Goooooood morning DEEESSTRRUUCCTOOOIIDDD!!!!!! Welcome to another beautiful week in June. The birds are chirping, the sun is baking, the girls are stripping....well maybe not around here.....never mind.
I am your host today, known affectionately around these parts as BPG. I'm here today to talk to you about two awesome things that I got to see over my weekend. Yes that's right, in between the large amounts of alcohol that I consumed(I'm still recovering) I actually made the time to see two comedies this weekend and here's my take on the first one....Kung Fu Panda.
Runtime: 92 minutes
Director: Mark Osborne and John Stevenson
So the story is that the laziest animal in Peaceful Valley(Oh God, there was nothing better to call it?) the Panda(voiced by Jack Black), dreams of being a Kung-Fu master but in reality, works in his father's noodle shop. One day the current master, Oogway, predicts the 'Dragon Warrior' will appear to defeat the greatest threat to the valley, Tai Long, a former student of Kung-Fu teacher, Shifu(voiced by Dustin Hoffman). Guess who he chooses? Guess who defeats Tai Long?
Yes, the plot is transparent but once the movie got rolling, I didn't care. What I did care about was how many fat jokes they could fit into a one minute segment of fat jokes. And adapting a martial arts to fit the different animals and their physical limitations(how does a snake pull off a drop kick anyways?) was pretty awesome to see and fun to watch.
Now I absolutely loved Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
and I've always been a fan of Chinese history and their legends. The high-flying martial arts that defies any realm of possibility is awesome. If you have kids(yeah I know some of you do), this is an excellent movie to take them to. They will love the talking animals, the actions scenes, and of course you, as the adult, will enjoy the hidden jokes and messages spread throughout it and it does have the typical, inspirational message at the end about believing in yourself yadda, yadda, yadda. Go see it ok?
Now, not content to just see this film I went back on sunday evening and saw the newest addition to the Adam Sandler family of films, [i]You don't mess with the Zohan]/i].
You Don't Mess with the Zohan
Runtime: 113 minutes
Directed by: Dennis Dugan
Zohan is a Israeli Mossad agent that fights terrorists from the middle east. Eventually, because he is all that is man and no one can kill him, he gets bored and fakes his own death to pursue his dream. You see, Zohan only wants to be a hairdresser and to make everyone silky smooth. He goes to the states, finds a salon that will let him try and gives an incredible haircut and show for the first old biddy that is brave enough to let Adam Sandler near her with a pair of scissors. Zohan typically finishes every haircut with a multiple orgasm for the client, thus ensuring they will return within a week. He also becomes wrapped up in saving the middle eastern neighborhood from a money tycoon, but that's really just a side plot.
As a business plan, it's not a bad idea really. If you are willing to deal with 50+ year old poon-tang, it might work. You would also need the stamina of a elephant, but that's beside the point.
The movie basically had two jokes: sex jokes and middle-eastern/terrorist jokes. For the first hour, they work, but honestly, with about 20 minutes left, I stopped laughing just because there was nothing new being said. Some of the cameos were pretty funny, and the inept terrorists that find Zohan at the salon are pretty funny. Nick Swardson who plays the young man that Zohan first befriends, is hilarious; especially when he finds his mom, played by Lainie Kazan, getting it on the bedroom. Watching him chug a bottle of Maalox is hilarious and I wish they had done more of those kinds of scenes.
is a funny movie, but it's one that just gets old after awhile because they give you nothing new. If you love Adam Sandler, then go see it; it will probably be right up your alley. If you aren't, consider skipping it.
Oh, and it's definiately not for kiddies.