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E3 2014... FaSh1on Sh0wwww!!


Oh. Em. Gee. Did you see that? I mean, did you see it?! I know you were looking at it, but DID YOU SEE IT!??! E.3. Twentyfourteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen. I can't even. I... just...can't even begin to even. If you multiplied the number of evens I could by like A BILLION, I still wouldn't even be able to even.

Aisha, darling, you are so hawwwtttt, but the Ubisoft Elite Task Force Dance Squadron!?!? They were spilling over into the aisless, they could not EVEN begin to be contained. Those silly little push-ups in a neckerchief. Just TOTES adorbzzz. And your little shy bearded buddy? What's his deal? Like, WHAT is his deeaalll???

Shut up. Shut it dowwnnnn. Iwata fighting Reggiieeeeeeeee. Ugh, just stahhhppp it. Just stahhpppp. They are just so baaaddd. Like scrumptious bad. Like I baked their little muffins and left them in the fridge for like, a YEAR bad. Nintendo? More like Nintendon't. I can't even. And Andrew, ugh, those leather lapels?!?!?!??! He. Looked. FIERCE. No, he was fierce. He embodies fierce. He's like Tony the Tiger but instead of selling cereal he's selling fierce. Rawrrrrrrr.

Ooooh! How could I forget dreamboat captain Phil muthereffin' Spencer. Shiver. Me. Timberzzzzzz. 3 different outfits in one hour?! Like, lock it down Spencie, like make a decision. You're worse than my girl Jasminnifer trying to order Starbucks when Jaden is on bar back. Just STAHP. We have to get to yoga. I can't even.

No Man's Sky? Baby you can have my sky and whatever else you want. I will procedurally generate your dreams sweet thing. Don't be shy, Sony loves you and your blind ambition, get it. GET. IT. Ohmygosh. OH. mygosh. Those cargo shorts. Can you say throwbacckkkk?! Holla at me when you got the slap bracelets and backward baseball caps. We'll play pogs and try out this new pokemon game, I hear its huge in Japan.

Splatoon? I think I just did. Oh stahpit. I'm so baddd. Show me how to tilt this gamepad alllll the way back. I'll open your Zelda world. If a fish and a bird can make it, baby we got this one in the bag. We're like. Done. Like for sure. We're more in than dragons, jungles and co-op. Now lets get out of here so I can show you my lush forestation. See you again in 2015 ya'll.
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About BetterBuckleUpone of us since 3:40 AM on 04.15.2014

I recently quit my warehouse job to blog about videogames and stream hearthstone for several hours a day.

I strongly recommend doing the exact opposite of anything I say.

Skateboarder, Motorcyclist, Mormon.