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Predictions: Surfer Girl Not Included


Hello. I’m sure you’ll have guessed by now that this blog will be concerning this week’s musing, regarding what the year 2012 holds for gamers. I’d thought that, rather than focus on just one particular gaming-based idea for the near future, I’d just do a whole number of random topics. I’d thought it would be a bit more fun for me than try and pick one particular idea and squeeze all the issues out of it.

Regarding the title, Surfer Girl was an anonymous feed of information to Destructoid who popped up about a couple of years ago for one or weeks, then disappeared. Maybe Surfer Girl had an accident with a surfboard that left her in a coma, or maybe she was outed by Wikileaks and had to change to a different username. Still, this blog entry will be in honour of this mysterious ‘Deep Throat’ individual (no, nothing to do with the adult film), and the strange way she sailed into, and vanished from, this site.

Note that the following after this paragraph will be less ‘Captain Obvious’ than you would have thought. Yes, there will be a Call of Duty in some shape or form in the coming year. Paul Christoforo will be getting a new job, although he’ll be having to apply for a lot of ones closer to the bottom-rung of employment. No, 2012 won’t be the end of the world. For the rest, I’ll have to explain a bit of the logic taken towards them.

Microsoft and Sony will announce cloud-based gaming abilities in the next generation of consoles

Onlive has pushed the envelope for promoting the streaming of games across the internet in the past year. After getting a lot of positive feedback, from myself included, I’m sure that the renewal of several subscriptions, sales of games and continued promotions will leave them comfortably at their present vocation. This effort to get recognition via adverts and word of mouth will not have gone unnoticed by the established competition in the shape of the traditional gaming-platform, the home console.

Nintendo has already jumped the gun and is prepping the Wii-U, meaning they will not be considering it for a while. The other two big companies have still to give complete details of what is forthcoming (good thing too, I’d like to get some damn use out of my consoles), so they may have room to manoeuvre a few new ideas into the designs. Cloud gaming could be one of them, but I can already see you going oh no they won’t, they’ll have their XBLA/PSN downloads which people will leave safely on the hard-drives and stick to them. Sound argument, but I still believe the developers have the planning to implement them in a valid way.

Microsoft already has the ability to save your game using a cloud system on the Xbox 360. Extra developments to this may mean more free space from smaller hard-drives in future consoles, with the increased room for fans or processing power. There could be more opportunities for the console to multitask with the processor when the internet is doing part of the work for viewing the game. Okay, okay, I’m not fully sure how it works entirely. But console-makers can’t ignore it completely. All it may take is an application to set it up. They simply need an idea to make it relevant in a home console and keep one step ahead of the competition.

Microsoft or Sony staff will mention L.A. Noire and/or Heavy Rain as starting points for their graphics builds for their next platforms

These two games (aside from the Uncharted series) have set the standard for graphics for a while now. Question the amount of gameplay in Heavy Rain if you wish. Argue against the idea of an expensive facial/motion capture process that won’t help speed up the creation of a game long in development. But there is one thing you can’t deny; these games have had enough impact with their visuals to convince the industry that this will be the way forward.

Imagine how much more interactivity can go on and added complexity into both those games on a new platform, and, so long as the gameplay holds up, you may end up with game of the year material. That’s what both sides want to sell their machines and other games, and will be something to pitch to the third party developers.

Metal Gear Rising will scoop up gamer-bile and force chunder-chimps to eat their words

After looking at the latest round of articles regarding the new game from Hideo Kojima, you’d be forgiven that those commenting on them believed that the title was going to be developed by Ninja Theory. It isn’t. It is being built by Platinum Games.

For those not in the know, Ninja Theory have been getting a lot of stick for their intended reboot for Devil May Cry, DmC. This is before the game has even been released. We agree that their work on videogames has been patchy, in spite of the solid effort that was Enslaved, but trashing the game based on visuals and changes to character designs is jumping the gun.

A similar thing has happened now with MGR with people up in arms because they see more gimmicky lines in the trailer than a Conservative Party speech from David Cameron. ‘Revengence’ and ‘Let’s Move Our Hands’ had over-reactive gamers in overdrive; the former term felt the game had been dumbed down to a level of a pro-wrestler’s botched promo. The latter had others worried that the game would be a Kinect-exclusive or something. And the action involved looked to be a final nail in a non-existent coffin; the protagonist using moves so flashy and brutal, there was absolutely no chance of the game being anything like the stealth-based predecessors that the fans loved.

So let’s set the record straight. Firstly, Platinum Games is made up of former Clover Studio members (credits include Viewtiful Joe and Okami). The development studio is responsible for Bayonetta and Vanquish, two very well-received games that would be good practise for this new title. And Kojima Productions are still involved in the production, so there should not be any deviation from Kojima‘s original vision for the game. I predict that, based on that information, the game will not take any half-hearted efforts that might lead to a mediocre review.

Secondly, the game is supposed to be different from the Solid series of titles. Kojima has eased fears by stating that a more traditional stealth-based game is in the works, so if the fans of the series don’t like Rising, they can fall back on their precious comfort blanket. Besides, this has been termed a ‘hunter-stealth’ game. It is going to be different from the MGS series, a fact that doesn’t seem to sink in to those who are plugging for a return to Solid Snake’s field of operations. Kojima should be allowed to branch out and experiment, to find new opportunities in game development. They aren’t going to force the gaming masses to buy the game, but some will complain nevertheless. Almost like an individual who is cowering in a corner, thinking they are about to be force-fed a spoonful of goodness knows what. ‘Let’s Move Our Hands’ may as well be as literal as ‘Nowhere to Hideo’, another tagline in a long-ago released trailer. That didn’t come to much, did it? I doubt that if Kinect was involved, then the game would never have use for a standard controller? Can’t you trust who is feeding you? Pity. Go miss out on what, I believe, will be some cool slice-dice action. And also…

A Policenauts reference will be shoe-horned into Metal Gear Rising

…well, maybe a copy of the full game I was hoping for. Then again, it took ages for the fan translation to be finished. A reference to Kojima’s other game will have to do.

Sega will release Athlete Kings (AKA DecAthlete) on XBLA/PSN

2012 is Olympic year. Sega have already released the second Sonic and Mario at the Olympics. Konami will (or may) put in a low-key entry in their Track and Field series, whilst Sega Studios Australia’s official London 2012 game and Ghostlight’s annual unofficial athletics-based release will battle for bronze medal position. But why shouldn’t we allow Sega to have a third bite of the cherry and release one of the best button-bashers of all time?

The arcade-thrill was pretty much ported brilliantly over to the Sega Saturn. With the company plugging its Mega Drive backlog for all its worth, and Treasure capitalising on their Dreamcast ports by adding the Saturn-exclusive Guardian Heroes to download, this will be a critical time for Sega to take advantage. Who knows, it might just lead to more ex-Saturn ports. Like Panzer Dragoon Saga. Or all the parts to Shining Force 3. Or even Dragon Force 1 & 2. Just think of all that money, Sega. Come on, you know you want it…

A new Robocop game will be released

Cast your minds back a few months ago, and you’ll have noticed that Robocop avatar clothing was available (I’D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR, etc) on Xbox 360. Now, with little other Robocop shows/films/promotions going on, why on earth would this be going on? Because the baying masses of Xbox Live actually requested it? Or…could this be a test to see how many people are still interested in Robocop? A test that might lead to a videogame?

It doesn’t matter whether those who crafted the avatar suit/props have any videogame experience or not; if someone wants a list of figures, they can demand it via those programmers or Microsoft or whoever. I’m guessing enough individuals want a new game taking down fleshy perps with an automatic handgun and ED-209s with a rocket launcher.

Tecmo Koei will add more licenses to their Dynasty Warriors-type games

Contrary to what person was responsible for the graffiti that daubed the Koei building may have been thinking, a lot of people still put their hard-earned cash into the Dynasty Warriors hack-and-slash-and-wash-and-rinse-and-repeat series. And they still will, as long as Koei can re-edit it for Gundam and Fist of the North Star fans.

Problem is, Koei have squeezed a lot out of their above franchises. There are only so many Chinese warriors, Gundam series and characters that have been on the receiving end of Kenshiro’s fists to warrant sequels for Omega Force‘s work. The answer to this is to find more to work with.

If Yoshiyuki Tomino allowed Tecmo Koei to use Gundam, for example, how about securing the extra licenses for his other anime that he has been involved in and group them together? Or maybe Omega Force can put giant robots to one side, and create a game based in the comic-book universe of Marvel or DC? Even Jim Sterling’s love of the Dynasty Warriors series is beginning to wear thin now, so the developers need to start afresh. Which finally leads me to my final prediction of 2012...

Jim Sterling will appear on a major television news channel for an interview

Some ex-Destructoid members claim he is the reason why they are not part of the site anymore. Some so-called Destructoid members claim he is the reason why this site is rubbish, although those who send those messages do so on a regular enough basis with enough hate to make you wonder why they don’t leave. For the rest of us, we take him as he is; a British guy who has knowledge of videogames, who can put idiocy under the spotlight and show for what it is, and someone unafraid to give his view of what he thinks and knows about a game in a review.

Jim has gotten into controversy one or two times, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing to be in attendance for Destructoid or his videos on the Escapist. This is usually enough ammo for the mainstream media to keep their distance from him. However, I believe that there will be at least one corporation that will go ‘Hey, we need material for this violent videogames scandal thing, we may as well get this Jim Sterling guy. He’s outspoken and stuff, he’ll give us ratings if he says the f-word. And he’s exactly the kind of sucker we want to rip into.’ Unfortunately for them, I don’t think that is going to happen that way.

For Jim, 2012 will be the year his notoriety will increase, simply because he has managed to increase his exposure a bit within the last 52 weeks. 2/1 he says the word ‘bias’, 3/1 he has a toucan on screen, 5/1 he swears above the level of ‘crap’.

So what do you think?

Did I lack a bit of reasoning somewhere in these predictions, or that you have a piece of information/news that already confirms it/shoots it down? Comment and be gentle with me. I am a human with feelings. Do you have a prediction? Comment, give your reason, however sensible, wacky or outlandish. Want to give me any kudos if these come true? Do so, but I’m giving a tenth to Jesus. Tithing y’see.

Whatever happens when commenting, don’t suck. You don’t want to disappear like Surfer Girl.
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About Batthinkone of us since 9:11 AM on 08.20.2007

I am a gamer of 36 years of age. I'm not happy when prodded or teased. You have been warned. I am a human-being, you know? With feelings.

I also have a likeness for RPGs.

My favourites: Road Rash (Mega Drive)/Dark Chronicle (PS2)/Pro Evolution Soccer 5 (PS2)/Burnout Revenge (PS2)/Resident Evil 2 (PS)

Currently playing: Titanfall (XBox One)
Forza Horizon 3 (XBox One)
Disgaea 2 (PS2)
Persona Q (2DS/3DS)
Recettear (PC)

Mood: A little stressed.

Fanboy class: Dedicated enough to get decent RPGs and action figures.

Favorite music artists:

Boards of Canada
Joy Division
Mr Scruff
Talvin Singh
The Prodigy
Primal Scream
High Contrast
DJ Shadow
Nightmares On Wax
Cocteau Twins
The Chemical Brothers
Kenji Kawai
Ian Brown
The Go! Team
Principles Of Geometry

Moments of Glory:

Promoted Monthly Musings

Expanded Universes
Untapped Potential
I Suck At Games
Do The Wrong Thing
Something About Sex
Xbox LIVE:DreadJesterBatt
PSN ID:DreadJester


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