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Observations from behind a gamepad...

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A death on XBOX Live...

Banj says: I know kung fu. Gemma says: what u want Banj says: ...your exciting attitude. Gemma says: im watchin xfactor Banj says: You just lost a point Germ. Gemma says: not as many as u lost last week Banj says: What? With my Lowey ...


Dutch Poleaxe

Banj says: What time you off out tonight? LoweyRamone says: 7:30pm Banj says: To a casino? LoweyRamone says: Bernards mam is driving us to the casino LoweyRamone says: yup Banj says: Her mam is taking you? Banj says: ...what are you? ...


Acting the cunt...

This is an abridged messenger conversation between two members of a warrior tribe untouched my the westernised world and living in happiness on XBOX Live. For expositional purposes; Banj is a lone assassin struggling to get by in a world ...


Custom D'toid Faceplate

As some of you may know, Free_Touch is an artist. As some of you may also know, Free_Touch has been painting up XBOX 360 faceplates for people. I commissioned his talents for myself and received his masterpiece a few days ago so for those ...


Confessions of a MySpace swordsman...

Okay, this is a copy/pasta of an MSM Messenger conversation between me and a beautiful D'toider who's name shall be Miss X for the protection of her identity. Also, other names have been changed for the same reason. I was at work on Banj H...


Exposition as a gameplay mechanic...

I'm at work and I'm bored. There are only so many YouTube videos you can watch before your head melts clean off. So, I started thinking about stuff. Kasumi, tits, poo, cigarettes, BioShock... Now, before you all run away, this isn't just ...


TESCO: "We hate BioSchlong"

6:32am, TESCO "Excuse me..." said the ruggedly handsome young warrior, "I'm looking for BioShock. It's a videogame that should be released today for the XBOX 360 but I can't see it anywhere." The TESCO beast barely looked up from her pric...


Doctor, I can't stop fucking about...

It's the look of bewilderment that I recognise, the slow dawning realisation that spreads over their faces as they realise what I'm trying to do. They think I'm broken, I can tell. They think my cognitive process is different, there's som...


About Banjone of us since 3:43 AM on 03.21.2007

My name is Banj and I'm into chicks in a Michael Douglas way.

I live and work in the East Riding Of Yorkshire in a one-horse frontier town called Goole. If you imagine the river Humber as the arsehole of England, Goole is 25 miles up it. I'm 32 years old yet I'm still firmly on the cutting edge of all things, finger on the pulse, back to the wall and balls to the floor.

I work in harmony with the 'po po' in a crime fighting capacity, keeping the streets of Goole clean one dealer at a time. The inherant irony being that I used to have a massive drug problem but "takes a cunt to catch a cunt" as Jesus once said.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I fucking love videogames? I would say that a good 50% of my awake time is spend playing, reading about or talking about games. I'm currently totally and utterly addicted to my XBOX 360 and the whole Live community thing. It's truely the next step in gaming, not that fucking magic wand bollocks Nintendo are touting.

Lastly, I'm a huge fan of the 'Toid. I love it's general sense of humour, I love it's strong community but most of all I love the excellent forum and the members who post there. You cats are my bread and butter.

Now, sit back, relax and let me take you on a hugely irrelevant and pointless journey.

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