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The "Win A Copy of Spore" Contest Results

The entry conditions were simple. Put Jesus, Hitler, Spore, Bioshock, and an iPhone into a single picture. While the number of participants was small I am convinced that this contest will go down in history as containing the single best mas...

 
 
 

Contest: Win A Copy Spore From My Blog!

Having recently won a copy "Spore: Origins" from the amazing Nick Chester I was faced with a problem. A problem of huge proportions. A problem unprecedented in the history of humanity. A free game to give away, you see, for I do not ha...

 
 
 

Why are we Browsing Destructoid on Christmas Day?

I ask myself this question right now; why am I browsing Destructoid on Christmas? Why am I reading Long John Sterling's shittiest games of '08 or hungrily eying Necros racist Destructoid cookie? Christmas is a time we should spend with our...

 
 
 

Destructoid Swag Has Arrived

So the swag has arrived from last months random drawing in the PC contest. I have no idea if customs ripped it apart since the processor box was all patched up, but at any rate I have a new processor. If I suddenly disappear it means I di...

 
 
 
 

The Last VGA Developer Fashion Awards

Without further ado, here are the nominees for Atlas' Last VGA Developer Fashion Awards! Runners-up: Will... he looks fab. Is it the retro goggles or the sleek comb-over? You deserve an award for effort! The last time I saw anyone lo...

 
 
 

Metal Gear Mario

What would happen if two pre-pubescent boys decided to merge two of the most sacred gaming franchises of the late twentieth century in a compact straight-to-Youtube video? This is what would happen, and I believe I have found the holy grail...

 
 
 

A Time to React: You Put Racism in my Videogame!

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries." -Stephen King Resident Evil 5. Farcry 2. Call of Duty 5: Frag the Japs. These games may be new but their ideology is not. The white agenda is a prevalent force in these games, inten...

 
 
 
 
 

Is Gaming A Virtue or a Vice?

So, I just got called and invited out tonight. It is relatively late (11:30) to be going out and I would rather just browse Dtoid and chill with some videogames instead of going out. But here is where things get tricky. I got invited out by...

 
 
 
 

World War One 2: This Time it's Personal

The world has a glut of World War 2 videogames. Realistic, arcade, somewhere in between.... WW2 has it all. Every year we can look forward to the November rush of washed out Call of Duty wannabee shitfests on our console of choice, maybe ev...

 
 
 

RED RINGS + FALLOUT 3 = FUCKED OVER

Fuck you Microsoft! I waited so long for Fallout 3! So goddamn long. When I finally bought it today I was overjoyed. So I play the tutorial, everything turns out fine. As I am about to leave the vault what does my Xbox do? IT RED RINGS! Rig...

 
 
 

Fear: Racial Profiling in Dead Space

The space inside the USG Ishimura is a dead space. Except for you. Well, actually, I guess the monster guys are alive... they don't count. OK? So to get down to business Dead Space is Resident Evil in a spaceship, except for all the raci...

 
 
 
 
 

Castle Crashers Makes Me Sad

I get a little teary eyed these days when I boot up Castle Crashers. I beat the game with my brother, local play, and it was absolutely hilarious. Definitely one of the best games of it's type and my favorite game on XBL. Here comes the sa...

 
 
 

Time to Teamkill

Fellow countrymen, I have a confession to make. I teamkill. It's like heroin to me. Thats not to say I do it all the time, or am a bad teammate, but every so often an ally will just sit there, in the cross hairs of my scope. It is unfortuna...

 
 
 

Bad Demo's for Good Games -- Tales of Vesperia

The demo for Vesperia was utter, utter shit. Not a game you can just hop into. If you could even beat the stupid hound that was demo's boss you weren't missing much. The uncustomized, weak characters made the Ehmead Hill boss far harder tha...

 
 
 
 

The Start of The Affair: Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton once said "I did not have sex with that woman". He lied. His sexual deviancy was later explored in a tell-all book you can purchase at a local Walmart for $8.99. Hardcover is a few dollars more. Why did I tell you that, you ma...

 
 
 
 

Consider The Following

A large black man approaches you in a dark alley. All you can see are his teeth and the whites of his eyes seemingly floating in the air. He slithers closer to you, lubed up in Vasoline and transmission fluid. Do you -- A) Tell him would ...

 
 
 
 

Saint's Row Will Never Hold A Candle to GTA

I never really enjoyed Saints Row that much. It was boring. It lacked something that GTA had, and still has. In all seriousness, Saints Row 2 will never be able to hold a candle to Grand Theft Auto 4. While I haven't played GTA in a long t...

 
 
 

Guys, I Must Confess, I am A Radical Muslim Terrorist!

After reading JIHAD blog earlier.. I decided us radical muslim terrorists need to stand up for ourselfs. Too long I've been pretending to be an infidel, just because I didn't wanna be told to 'get back to the kitchen and play burn the s...

 
 
 

I Actually Accepted An Amazing Authentic Atlas Avatar

So, I found the picture of Atlas! I was looking for it a loooong time ago, back when I joined, but decided to make a mugshot of Shigeru Miyamoto instead and use that, until now! Bask in the true glory of Atlas, who is most definitely not Fr...

 
 
 

Destructoid Cannot Be Trusted

Destructoid cannot be trusted. The reviews are obviously bought by evil mega-corporations looking for an unfair advantage in the marketplace. I think Condemned 2's score of 3/10 proves that, most obviously. In a world of lies who can you t...

 
 
 

Art Attack Atlas

I have decided to parade my art around, in order to get into these Destructoid art showcases every Friday. I am confident in my MS Paint ability and can draw a mean battle scene. I drew all of these my, you can be assured. Enjoy. Proba...

 
 

About Atlasone of us since 7:15 PM on 09.16.2007

First off is my highest honour -- my shit on the front page of Destructoid.


I was born back in the days of yore, when 3-D graphics were only a dream.

I like games.

Super Nintendo had to be one of the best consoles. Mario, Metroid, Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong and everyone else came to the party. Good times.

I own a Super Nintendo, N64, Gamecube, Wii, PS1, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, and a DS.

I regret missing some of the good old days, back in the early 90's, because I was too young to appreciate a good game when it smacked me in the face. Such is the folly of youth.

Somedays I wish I could have lived through such tumultuous times, what with the advent of Spandex tights and Rap, but then I think that it is much better to live longer and be younger than all of you people who did enjoy Super Metroid and Mario Kart in it's heyday and just be content with an emulator and a Xbox 360 controller.


Favorite Games: Mario series, Donkey Kong Country/64, Metroid series, Legend of Zelda series, Fable, Halo series, Shadow of the Colossus, GTA series, God of War 1 and 2, Morrowind, Oblivion, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy X, Banjo Kazooie/Tooie and more that I can't recall.


Send me a friends request if you dare, just send a message telling me you're from Destructoid so I don't think you're a 63 year old pedophile masquerading as a teenage girl to lure gullible, young boys to your basement. And if that description both fits you and you are from Destructoid then expect to recieve my home phone number and address.

Update: One year later

New games I would add to my favorites are Gears of Wars series, Fallout 3, Mass Effect, Bioshock (hey, I was playing it when I joined!), and other games I cannot recall. Some games I have loved for a long time but forgot to list over a year ago are Rome: Total War, the top Mario games, and the main Pokemon GB games. The rest escape me at this time.



So these days God no longer compels you to blog, Atlas is Fontaine, and generally speaking I am pretty well known around these parts. (I hope) I regret not joining Destructoid sooner, when I first had the chance with a link from Chad Concelmo's IGN blog. Even he was born in the primordial soup IGN was, or so it would seem. I no longer frequent there or other gaming sites except from time to time because Destructoid is hopefully my internet home from here on out. A great place to be, cheers to another year at Destructoid!

Update: Another year later

Okay, so year three isn't going that great. I haven't blogged for six months and have barely visited the site. In fact, it is nearly November and my 2 years happened almost 2 months ago in early September. Damn life, going outside into the real world is time consuming! I haven't even turned on a videogame since April... (until just recently!) But of course I haven't forgotten about Dtoid; THE GREATEST SITE ON THE WEB! Sorry Dtoid, I will try to live less and Dtoid more.

Update: Another few years later

So life hit me... I still visit this site when I can... to think I started visiting this site when I was 15, and made an account two weeks after I turned 16... I'm 20 now, Destructoid is practically part of my life story at this point, even if I disappear for years at a time. Still, I remember the good old days, the days when Dtoid was like the Wild West, when I was at my most active, and when we would open the gates of Hell in our mischief, always walking on the edge of the banhammer. Now I'm just an ancient, obscure memory to the last surviving cowboys, a group even to this day I feel I'm a part of. Still, I raise my glass to you. Good times Destructoid, good times!

Oh, and to a few of us oldsters, Atlas is Fontaine.

 
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