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Zero Punctuation reviews Duke Nukem Forever


But hark I hear you say! "Duke Nukem Forever hasn't been released and probably never will, sob sob". True, but it turns out Yahtzee's review is a quite clever 0bit of satire on the dismay of 3D Realms closing. Turns out DukeNukem Forever isn't really that good, or to put it more accurately, it would have never been as good as our expectations and it sure as shit wouldn't have been worth waiting 12 or so years for.

Look I understand the desire for a sequel to our favourite games: I'm over the moon that there's going to be Thief 4 and Deus Ex 3 considering that there were no hints of actual sequels until recently. Then there's franchises like Jet Set Radio and Shenmue that are just hanging in the breeze, fondly remembered by gamers but seemingly now to be part of history. What makes games special (along with music and movies) is that they come along at a special time that captures you and owns you. It's a combination of your age and the time that helps make a game transcend from being something great to somethingtruly special. Duke Nukem 3D was one of the first PC games I ever played and it blew me away. The graphics were incredible and the levels were awesome. The weapons too were great. I remember my brother downloaded somemultiplayer maps, one of which was modelled after the Death Star in Star Wars! How cool is that? Plus Duke Nukem 3D had swearing and strippers in it! But now I'm 28, slightly jaded and can actually have sex with women who will actually show me their breasts (and when I say "women", I mean my wife). Swearing no longer is such a thrill considering I can't seem to say a singlesentence without a swear word in it........... fuck.

The un-released sequel is something that becomes more and more tantalising the longer it never actually happens. A sequel to Blade Runner? A new My Bloody Valentine album? Yes please, I think I want these things, but what are the chances of them being as special as the originals were? Pretty slim in all honesty. Very rarely does lightning strike twice. Sure you can match up the same staff and team, under the same producer but how often does that really work? Not often. One only has to look at the Sonic Team churning out dross Sonic games month after month. Let DukeNukem reside in the past; it was never going to be as good as we hoped but neither should we forget 3D realms impact on gaming.
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About Alasdair Duncanone of us since 9:17 AM on 10.13.2007

Alasdair Duncan is that bearded, bespectacled Scotsman that covers PC gaming that is not Fraser Brown. A long time Destructoid community member and forum moderator, he covers adventure, puzzle, FPS and all kinds of games on the PC. Watch, as he adds more games to his Steam library with only the vaguest hope of ever playing most of his games.

Alasdair has been gaming since his mother bought a Commodore 64 back in the early 1980's. He adores Deus Ex, GTA Vice City, Team Fortress 2, Borderlands, Super Mario Brothers 3 and all those weird indie titles on Steam.

You can meet Alasdair at places like PAX where he tries to convince people he isn't a) drunk or b) Irish.

Plus he crave attention via the following:

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Objectivity: Are We All Just Fanboys
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