Blizzard vs Bot Programmers part deux; in defense of the bots

Long time readers may remember a post I made almost a decade ago (in e-years) regarding the legal battle between the creators of World of Warcraft (Blizzard/Vivendi) and the creator of a “bot” program called WoW Glider, one Mr. Michael Donnelly. Well, it looks like Blizzard has finally, officially filed their lawsuit against Mr. Donnelly, with the aim of stopping him from selling his program, as well as recouping money they claim they lost due to his actions.

According to the EULA that Blizzard makes everyone wade through and agree to before they can play World of Warcraft, programs such as WoW Glider are strictly verboten, and even in countries where they don’t speak German, it’s a bad idea to use them.

Sadly, Mr. Donnelly doesn’t have much of a case going for him (aside from possibly claiming his goateed evil twin was behind the whole thing, which rarely works in US courts), and the only people standing up for him are websites such as Markee Dragon, a site that propogates the use of bot programs, and may be run by Communists.

Hit the jump for their opinion on the upcoming legal kumite.

(Pre-emptive editor’s note: I think I’m getting into a rut by just making fun of people via the Internet. After this, I’m making only posts about kittens and breasts, and possibly combinations of the two. — Nex)

Everything I’m about to show you guys was written by the head of Markee Dragon, a man (we can assume) who happens to live in the same city as I. Based on that, and the below arguments, I can safely assume he’s a methamphetamine addict. 

Blizzard believes that Glider allows players to cheat. Having used Glider myself I would have to say that it is not really a cheat program. It does not allow you to dupe items or create things out of thin air. It does not do anything a real player can do with one exception. It does allow the character to be played 24×7. Humans can’t do that. Groups of people could do this though. There are many farm companies that offer powerleveling services that will run your character 24×7. There is not much difference between the two of these. Both of them level up your character as fast as possible. They both can farm for you as well. 

Ok, he starts off promisingly enough. We can all agree that WoW Glider is similar to the power levelling companies. Did he forget the part where Blizzard was actively seeking to burn their homes down too? I guess he missed that memo.

They claim that Glider encourages WoW players to break their contract with Blizzard. I don’t know if that’s really an issue. It’s customer choice. It just like my brand new car that I want to add a wing to the back. I can buy the wing many different places. I want to do it because I think it will look cool. It’s certainly not illegal to add it to my car. But it may in fact void the warranty of the car in respect to the trunk where it is mounted. It’s my choice to do this. I am willing to accept the risk of voiding my warranty. I should be able to do this if I want to. Should the auto maker sue the wing manufacturer? I guess they can. But I still want to install it and so I do. There is nothing that the auto maker can do about this.

I don’t know if he realizes the difference between the words ‘break’ and ‘violate’. Blizzard is claiming that Glider ‘violates’ the contract, in the same way that a ‘date rapist’ might ‘violate’ your little sister. He gets double points for his analogy about the ‘wing’ he could attach to his car, though. Not only does he reveal his utter lack of style, he further cements the mental image of the ‘date rapist’ in our minds. 

Lets change the example a little bit. Lets say that I do not own the car. I am leasing it. I install the wing. The leasing company gets all pissed off about this. They take the car away from me and they bill me for repairs to the trunk. I would say they have the right to do that. Now lets talk about playing WoW. If I want to play WoW and add Glider (My wing) to the game. Blizzard has every right to close my account. They in fact have closed my account before for running Glider. Do they have the right to bill me?

Yes. Yes they do. In much the same way that the leasing company would bill you for drilling holes in their car to install your silly wing bullshit. 

Now this one gets me. Blizzard claims that have a loss in revenue because of banning players. I say this is bull! They have made more because of this. Hell. I’ve had about 25 accounts banned.

So … he’s more credible because he’s more experienced in breaking the rules than most people? Isn’t that like saying you should take dating advice from the aforementioned date rapist because he’s really excellent at putting his penis inside of unconscious women? 

Do bot piss off other players? Yes I think so. But I think that the number of people quitting because of bots would be very hard to prove. Blizzard should do an exit poll for when people close their accounts. Maybe they already do. I don’t know. All of my accounts have always been closed for me. lol

For those of you wondering, yes, Blizzard does an exit survey, and according to a few of my contacts within their customer service HQ, botting is one of the more prevalent reasons that people leave WoW. Also, we should point out his excellent use of ‘lol’ in this scholarly argument. Not since Roe v Wade has “lol” been used so devastatingly, and it certainly harkens back to Clarence Darrow’s landmark “Literal Interpretation? Roflskates!1!uno!” argument, made famous in the stage adaptation Inherit the Wind.

After having read through six paragraphs of this, my ears started to bleed so I had to go lie down. If Markee Dragon is the finest proponent for WoW Glider, I have the feeling that Mr. Donnelly is going to be farming scorpions in the Arizona desert come next February.

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.