It was only announced yesterday, and already opinions are highly divided on Capcom's Bionic Commando remake. So far voices tend to fall on either side of a binary split, either gushing with the misty-eyed enthusiasm of a nostalgic cockney Blitz-survivor, or becoming instantly disheartened and holding fast to the "emo game is emo" maxim as they gaze upon the update's new dark and gritty (yawn) stylings.
That latter camp have certainly got a point. There's a small happy shard of light still left in a corner of my heart that remembers when games were like, you know, fun, and as such I'm sick to the back teeth of this current self-defeating need to appear "mature" via the use of inherently juvenile obsessions with violence and dark, grizzled anti-heroes. But who knows, maybe I'm just a big frilly ponce.
Either way, BC's trailer - which first apeared earlier today before being hastily pulled - provides us with all the necessary ticked boxes. Over-acted, gruff and despairing voice-over? Check. Scenes of gray urban destruction? Check. The same clunky, lived-in, militaristic sci-fi art style as around eight million other games out there right now? Check, check, check.
But it's not all bad. While what I assume to be the gameplay sections in the trailer's second half positively reek of a re-skinned Spider-Man game, some of the wrecked city architecture looks pretty epic in places, the forest areas on show towards the end are suitably lush, and you can't completely hate a trailer that ends with a giant robo-snake fight. Just please Capcom. let's get out of the grey city and into the countryside quick, and ideally, could you throw in a few song and dance routines and/or kittens in clown suits too? That'd be great.
[Golden Donut, you're invited to Christmas dinner at my house this year]