Oh my God! I don’t care that Splatterhouse 2 was one of the most frustrating gaming experiences of my life — any title that features telekinetic hanging fetus zombies that you chainsaw to death is the pinnacle of videogame achievement. The news that a current-gen Splatterhouse game is actually being made has caused me to become so excited, I might just puke, here and now, all over my hands and keyboard.
EGM will have an exclusive first look at this retro revival, as one of old school gaming’s most blood-soaked franchises gets a fresh coat of paint for the current generation. To whomever may be responsible for resurrecting this game, if you are reading this, let it be known that I will have your babies — morality and biological impossibilities be damned!
There’ll be plenty of time for cynicism later, but right now, in my overexcited state, let me declare that this is going to be the GREATEST GAME EVER MADE!