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Anthony Burch
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8===D

I want to have sex with Carmen Sandiego

[Originally published on Destructoid back in 2006! Some photos were lost/replaced, otherwise minor edits made. A Burch classic! For dumb people: this is satire - Niero.] 3D-Rendered, big-buxomed women with identical blank stares do absolute...   read

 
 
Board games photo
Board games

Things video games need to learn from board games

Video games (single-player ones, at least) teach you that you are the best, you are the only one who matters, you will always get more powerful, that your hand will be held, that you don't need to actually care about other human beings. Boa...   read

 
 

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Destructoid Original photo
Destructoid Original

Why we should stop getting hyped for upcoming games

When Hello Games announced a minor delay for its much-anticipated game No Man's Sky, the team received death threats. When Kotaku so much as reported on the delay, its staff also got death threats. This is obviously a huge goddamn...   read

 
 
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Overwatch: The benefits of unsurprising characterization

Overwatch has many characters. Some are superintelligent gorillas armed with lightning guns. Some are world-renowned DJs who can cure people with the power of music. Some are peppy, time-travelling Royal Air Force pilots. Some are huggable ...   read

 
 
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Opinion

Let's stop pretending we're heroes

[Publisher's Note: This was an early-access article from our subscription program, now released for free as Overwatch is out. Leaky benefits! Thanks to our patrons. -Niero] I have never been a hero in a video game. Ever. I've been told...   read

 
 
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Destructoid Originals

Leveling systems scare the crap out of me

I have a few friends who play The Division. Every once in a while, I'll ask them if they're playing it. Yeah, they'll say. I'll ask if it's gotten fun yet. Nah, they'll say. I'll ask them if they're gonna stop playing. "Maybe," they say. "M...   read

 
 
Red Faction photo
Red Faction

Red Faction: Guerrilla is the best open-world game ever and if you disagree you are wrong

Most sandbox games treat their open worlds like pornographic films treat story. Despite the fact that games like Assassin’s Creed or Grand Theft Auto bill themselves as sandbox experiences, the actual open-world ...   read

 
 
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Immoral games

Lots of games are morally bankrupt, we get it

With Hotline Miami 2 recently released, I realized I am really, really tired of games that belong in its genre. When I say "genre," I refer not to "action games" or "indie games" or even "violent games," but a subtler, more hypocritical cla...   read

 
 
Super Mario movie photo
Super Mario movie

Why the Super Mario movie is an underappreciated masterpiece

[Ed. note: El Great Burcho published this on February 2007. It's one of our Golden favorites.] No, I'm not being ironic, or corny, or funny. Neither am I drunk, stoned, nor under the influence of outside forces requiring me to like the Supe...   read

 
 
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Haggar for President

Citizens, unite: vote Mike Haggar

[Another gem from Destructoid's Golden Archives, this our most popular story of April 2008] As you’ve no doubt been following the prospective U.S. presidential nominees, you must be asking yourself several questions: Who should I...   read

 
 


Game quotes photo
Game quotes

The ten most meaningful videogame quotes of all time

[This month, Destructoid turns 7 years old! Here's the top article of this weekend back in 2008. You can browse more of these in our Golden Archives. Nostalgic yet? -Niero] Call me a weakling, but it's been more or less forever since I last...   read

 
 
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Mario is sinister

Six sinister things about Super Mario

[Destructoid turns 7 on March 16, 2013! I'm celebrating early by repairing some of my favorite articles from our Wordpress days. You'll be able to browse this original collection soon -- "Destructoid's Golden Archives" is hereby instituted ...   read

 
 
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From our community  

Ramblings of a colorblind gamer

You may or may not know that I am red-green colorblind. Money looks grey to me, pink looks white, brown looks green. No big thing. Since I was born colorblind, I have no frame of reference for how the world is "supposed" to look and, theref...   read

 
 
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See you around, Destructoid

I don't like goodbye posts, generally. I can't count how many obviously insincere farewell posts I've read on innumerable blogs, where people whine and cry about missing the community and the people and the fun while silently thanking their...   read

 
 
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Podtoid 148: Bob Hoskins is watching you f*ck

The end, for now. Podtoid will be going on hiatus for a while. It'll definitely be back -- we're just not sure when, or how, or with whom. In the meantime, not-download a copy of the Super Mario Bros movie and enjoy.   read

 
 
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Tonight's Podtoid is a Super Mario Bros. movie commentary

It will also be my and Aaron's last Podtoid as Host and Other Guy, respectively. I don't know if we'll have enough time for listener questions at the end, but I thought I'd throw this up on the off chance that someone asks a spectacularly i...   read

 
 
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Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin: Sleep is Death

Will you look at that -- it's the very first machinima episode of Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin. It is, perhaps unsurprisingly, about Sleep is Death. It is a game that you should definitely consider getting if you and a friend each have (A) seven...   read

 
 
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Sleep is Death is out, go buy it

Jason Rohrer's Sleep is Death is now available to the general public. You should seriously consider buying it. I've talked it up before (twice), but now's as good a time as any to check out this improvisational two-player storytelling game....   read

 
 
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Podtoid 147: Robocop killed Clarence Boddicker

This episode of Podtoid includes a lot of discussion about games and stuff, but in reality it's mainly about Brad Nicholson's knowledge of Robocop (and, ironically, his complete lack of knowledge regarding Buckaroo Banzai). Also, the Big Lo...   read

 
 
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Change will be a-brewing in tonight's Podtoid

What will we talk about on tonight's Podtoid? I really have no clue. I know that certain secretz™ about the future of the podcast will be revealed, but I'm not 100% sure what news stories we'll be covering. The return of X-COM, maybe?...   read

 
 
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Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin: Puzzle Quest

My favorite thing about this week's episode of Hey Ash, Whatcha Playin' is that more than a few commenters have championed it as the best example of HAWP's newer, fresher style, despite the fact that we filmed it about a year ago and just n...   read

 
 
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Podtoid 145: Adam Dork's Nature Show

We talk about games and stuff in this episode, but the conversation doesn't really pick up until the final ten minutes. After the proper, let's-talk-about-videogames show ends, Adam Dork starts linking us to pictures of crabs and giving his...   read

 
 
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Monthly Musing: E for Effort

Every month, the Destructoid Monthly Musing topic gives community members the ability to have their work posted on the Dtoid front page. Our own Josh Tolentino came up with this month's theme. Thank him if you like it, blame it if you don't...   read

 
 
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Interview: Armor Games founder Daniel McNeely

I don't want to even think about the sheer number of hours I've spent playing flash games. Still, at least twenty percent of that time has been spent at Armor Games. From This is the Only Level to Infectonator World Dominator,  Armor G...   read

 
 
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Buy the Super Meat Boy Tiger Handheld Game, support irony

Man rants about the App Store, complaining that iPhone versions of games like Street Fighter IV are just soulless brand-whoring like the old Tiger LCD games we played as kids. Company takes offense at Man's rant, removes his ridiculously ex...   read

 
 


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Community expand | +quickpost

JcDent

@Vagabond226 Thanks for the Just Cause collection! Maybe I should free some of the excess Humble Bundle keys that I

 
GoofierBrute

Good news: I want to get back to C-blogging here after so Bad news: theres so much stuff I want to write about, I dont what to Solution: I made a straw poll so you guys can pick for me! Bump!

 
JcDent

Pope, determined to salvage some trolling out of this shit, gifted Trump Laudato Si, the environmentalist Im sure this would have been more effective if Trump was literate, but

 
EtosiGiR

Welp disqus has stopped me from discussing something about Marvel Capcom Infinite and I dont want to write to the wrong person so, to whom it may concern the producers are refusing to confirm or deny anything but its cagey as

 
Hypno Coffin

Hell yeah, the extended void at the top of the site has been fixed!

 
Vagabond226

Well work I couldnt even take a break and my supervisor is the Time to give out some Steam keys! Will post some in the

 
Steven Hansen

#dogtoid

 
AdmiralAckbong

Life is a series of ups and downs and I just got some major lows to work Send me good vibes please Edit: just read through all your comments and it means a whole hell of a My life is painfully changing fast but I felt the love n Th

 
Nathan D

Im in a weird place where I have new and old games Id like to play, but my time is so limited that Im just playing games I already know I like, rather than taking a chance on delving into something I wont A conundrum, for

 
Mike Martin

I was trying to get one of the last pickles out of the jar, but it was really slippery, and pissed me Spent 10 min trying to pull it Then I got really mad, because I woke up right as the dog came in my Pic

 

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