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When I lived on the coast I consulted the tide charts every day. I liked to keep up on current events. #SelfieToid


He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.


I once had an ex girlfriend put on a sexy cop uniform, so she arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed. I was released after a quick trial due to lack of evidence.


I couldn't find the car window scraper this morning, so I used a plastic store discount card to clean my windows. It didn't work very well. I only got 20% off.


Had a riot with Frosty playing Halo last night. I was in tears because I was laughing so hard. 10/10 would play exploding grunts again


My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'.


People say I know a lot about folk tales but that's just a myth.


Need you? Need you? What makes you think I need you, Shawn?!


What do you call a neighborhood where several authors live? A writers' block. Also #Beertoid


Happy birthday Zer0tonin! I'm atonin' for missing a sweet pun that someone beat me to. Hope your bday is awesome!


The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He ate too much pi.


Whoever named the penny, nickel, dime and quarter literally coined these terms.


Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.


Young Gus' First Video Games

What’s this? A Cblog from Gus? Yes, I know. An extremely rare cblog from me. Love it. Embrace it. FEEL IT. COME ALONG THE FEELS JOURNEY. The reason for this blog today is talk to you about your first real video game. That one gam...


The soup was so bad it was gruel and unusual punishment. It's a Blue Moon kinda day.


What do you call George Washington's false teeth? Presidentures.


What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you'll go places.


I once caught a robber in my shower with some valuables. I think he was trying to make a clean getaway.


I saw Optimus Prime the other day, he had new shoes on. They were vans.


When scissors were first invented, they were on the cutting edge


The divers had to be careful, the octopus was heavily armed.


About Thanksgusivingone of us since 10:54 AM on 05.23.2013

A purveyor of puns to those with a discerning taste.

My birthday is April 28th.

Does anybody really read this?