Mr. Who-Ha's getting some this weekend, fellas!

My mom's the only person following me on Twitter, and now my jokes about interracial pornography seem weird.

TFW you asleep and some asshole just up and grab your belly.

#librarybookoftheday

#librarybookoftheday

#petoid

#librarybookoftheday

I'm going back to old comments to see who downvoted me, and now you're all on fucking notice. Especially this salty bitch.

#headlineoftheday

Homeless guy shouting across the street at me: "Yeah I'm talking to you... Swizzle!"

This motherfucker.

FYI Cinnamon Coke is the shit.

Got sick so stayed home and had a turkey and cheese melt. Called my dad, but the connection messed up, and he got annoyed and told me to try again on Christmas. Quietly laying and catching up on literature is honestly making for a great Thanksgiving.

TFW you're innocently reading an article on the internet and you didn't know what the hell you were getting yourself into.

There's a website called BangGood, and it's somehow against all odds not pornography(???)

Starting off my morning like:

#librarybookoftheday

#librarybookoftheday

Toast is the guy who comes to game night and just fucks everything up.

Here's a reminder that my cat is the cutest.

Glen Danzig's Verotika was supposed to hit VOD today, but of course it didn't fucking happen. #Halloweendisappointment

#librarybookoftheday

The first toy I remember playing with is a nail. A neighbor girl had a princess figure, and my nail was her butler. They fell in love. #Personalfactoid

Sleepaway Camp 2 was pretty fun. That's twelve hours terrorized. Now, excuse me as I pass out in my seat and never make it home.

Sugar Hill was every bit as wonderfully over the top as I hoped. And last in the macabre marathon is Sleepaway Camp 2.