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Eww, Brown People In My Videogame?!

I�m a very dumb person. Maybe my multiple, extended stays in federal and state prisons are to blame, but my poor brain just can�t�do�good�think. In terms of cognitive capacity, I�d say I�m below the average bear. Because of my inherent l...


Sorcerer 4 Lyfe

I don�t know at exactly what point I realized that investing all my level ups on Intelligence was a bad idea in the game of Dark Souls. Maybe it was in the middle of the incredibly long animation required for using a Soul Arrow, or maybe it...


Villains: Is This Deep Enough For You?

Everybody knows that your first time playing Demon�s Souls is tough. If you you are like me and have an undying commitment to un-funny jokes, you spent all your time harvesting all the sticky white stuff in the game and didn�t spend enough ...


Bioshock? More Like Bio-suck!

�This game is overrated. The 1950�s were stupid, just like this game. There�s not even a multi-player mode! Never before have I had the misfortune of playing such a repugnant game,� is what I would�ve said if I was in bizarro world! Sorry...


Aaamaazing: Improving School Since 1999

Back in the day, my friends and I used to hang out after school and play games with each other in the school yard. We would physically interact as we developed our ability to cuss and nailed each other with dodge balls in the 90 degree sout...


Cool Story, Bro: knutaf's Booty

Amongst the waves of skater/gangster hybrid freaks that stalk the asphalt plains of the Bear Flag Republic state university system, our hero, HandsomeBeast, trudged along under the weight of a thousand books and a million pieces of loose le...


How Do I Sports?

When you finally cave in and buy a brand spankin' new console late into its lifespan, it's hard to pick what game to begin your collection with. If you're anything like me, though, you'll cave under the ambivalence and just end up getting s...


Happy Holidays: My Presence is a Present

Year after year, work and school come to an abrupt halt around this time of the season. It is during this downtime that I find myself with more free time than I need, and with this free time I do a lot of thinking. I think about my life; ho...


Love, I Don't Get Enough of it

Video games are a cruel mistress. I recently got a hefty stipend of money, so I spent most of it on video games. Never before have I juggled so many addictions at once. I will admit it's easy for a guy like me with no friends or personality...


The World Only HandsomeBeast Knows

My last real blog was about how I liked playing Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility, even though I thought it wasn't that great of a game. A fellow Dtoider by the name AngelEena suggested I get Rune Factory Frontier, so I got it. I had been w...


Self-Loathing and Harvest Moon

Now, it's obvious that everybody loves me. I have a great personality, I'm polite, smart, wealthy, and incredibly good-looking!  Despite all these qualities, school has had me generally miserable the last few weeks. So, ...


This Intro Is Terrible.....ly Good

If you haven't read my about me section already, then this is all new to you. Read it if you want to fill in any holes in my logic. Done? Wait, you're not going to read it? All right, your loss. I don't have a particularly interesting wri...


About HandsomeBeastone of us since 6:44 PM on 07.14.2010

I can't resist an oppurtunity to write about myself. I'm a fungi and I don't like to party. I prefer a cool damp place to chill in cuz I'm cool and damp. You can find me just vegetating in my house which is actually my parents' house. Having no income other than government reparation checks, I figured crashing with my old man and old lady will help alleviate the pressures of their life as they near twilight. I never get out and I don't plan on doing so in the near future. I thought this place could use some good looking me grace the c-blogs, having spent the last decade or so modeling for big corporations pro bono. I actually discovered Destructoid through reccomendations from one of my many fans.

If you can see my recently posted header, I'm a 69 years old Polynesian man living vicariously through the internet. After retiring from the drug game, I decided to lay low and assume a more humble lifestyle as to avoid cops. As a result, I came across this cave where nuclear scientists created an electronic tennis game from an oscilloscope. I've secretly followed the world of video games ever since then.

I didn't actually play any vidja games with my hands until 1997, having been imprisoned since the '40s by the U.S. government for stumbling onto their nuclear science project all those years ago. It was a Super Nintendo, and I played Super Mario World until the cartridge would bleed. To cut it some slack, I also played Super Mario All-Stars, Pinocchio, Super Street Fighter II, Extra Innings, and Donkey Kong Country 2.

I progressively continued playing Nintendo stuff because the world of war and corrupt state prison had made me a peaceful man, and I did not favor the more mature, violent alternative systems. Fast-forward to 2007 when I discovered Destructoid after the Nintendo forums were shut down. I've been watching you closely and have come to care for your community of intelligents and rogue thugs, so I decided to share my story with all of you- something I've never shared with a member of the animal kingdom with the ability to talk.

Hope I see you around, and you comment on my stuff, cuz it's like crack to me when I read somebody's input on my ramblings ;(
Steam ID:RobotSnake
Mii code:4892-7640-7746-5537


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