Sadly, writing is my only marketable skill

[Updated with the 2005 and 2010 version! Remember Nex? This odd illustration still ranks amongst the most popular in the Destructoid Golden Archive; stories which I'm slowly restoring from our old publishing system. Join us a...

All good things must come to an end and apparently that also applies to whatever it is that I do here.As you may have gleaned from the headline, this is my last post here at Destructoid. I've been offered a job with Wired, and aside from co...

The clips we've seen in the past from Suda51's No More Heroes have all been tiny snippets rife with hip surreality and stylized everything, but they haven't really shown us much of the game. The denizens of the 'net are happy to get excit...

"When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you." -- Friedrich Nietzsche I want you all to watch that clip up there. Yes, all 8+ minutes of it. Done? Ok, that clip was the work of a man named Ulillillia (no...

Maybe it's the glee over playing in the snow all day like some kind of oversized, clumsy 6-year-old, maybe it's the cranberry and vodka cocktails I've been drinking, or maybe it's the fact that without overweight industry folk getting can...

The Internet is too cynical.Sure, that's as ironic as my saying the Internet relies too heavily on obtuse references to the key figures of the second World War, but any of you disagreeing with me will only further prove my point. So the...

Thanks to Gametrailers user andyelmo, we bring you the above: the arcade trailer for Namco's Tekken 6. Normally this is the point at which I'd gush about how excited I am to get another Tekken, but wow, that trailer was just SO underwhelmi...

Ladies and gentlemen, I would advise you to all to duck as there will almost certainly be a large amount of splatter coming from every fan near you as a result of the news I have to share.Primotech has a story up claiming insider informatio...

Sony has a long, storied history with TV ads for this generation of gaming hardware. From the creepy to the annoying to the obviously-aimed-at-slow-children, they've been running the gamut of misfires in trying to promote their consoles.R...

Normally I'd be the first to point out the flaws in any scientific study purporting a real link between violent media and real-world violence, but this report on Yahoo News -- assuming it's accurate -- doesn't seem to have any flaws. Accord...

Sleater-Kinney is sort of an institution in my part of the world. See, they began in this tiny Northwest microculture and since then have gone on to the sort of bizarre limbo of indie groups where they're simultaneously unknown and widely b...

There's nothing I like more than kinky sex in dangeous situations, like fellatio in a lion's cage or bondage play with jars of scorpions and firecrackers. Since that has nothing to do with this story though, let's assume I said "there'...

That clip up there is the just-released, brand-new, other-adjective-indicating-freshness reveal for the final boxart for Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in Rockstar's series of controversial simulations based on the obvious logical progre...

Those of you not living in the tremendous shadow of Harry Knowles may not be aware of this, but the Writers Guild of America -- the union containing almost every film and television writer in Hollywood -- is on strike. Since it appears the ...

The original Deus Ex is right at the top of my list of all-time favorite games. It occupies a spot sandwiched between Fallout 2 and the Age of Empires series, so saying I'm a fan of Warren Spector's baby is an understatement on par with s...

Normally I'm really highbrow. I wear a smoking jacket at entirely inappropriate times, fill my pipe with the shredded remains of a Jane Eyre first edition and often refer to cars as "horseless cars." However, neither that trademar...

In a completely unshocking turn of events, a game billed as the "Grand Theft Auto for girls" has pissed off people who we're all beginning to assume earn a living being outraged and screaming "Won't someone please think of th...

Courtesy of Siliconera we bring you that picture above from (where else?) the Land of the Rising Sun.Yes, it's funny that Pokémon are so famous, and Piplup is adorable, but I think the real point here is how utterly ironic this whole...

It's a video. Watch it.Why?First, because I'm utterly fascinated with both foreign girls AND spunky indie girls; Superbus lead Jennifer Ayache is the epitome of everything I love about women, and as soon as I'm done with this Cherry Coke,...

As an amateur Internet historian and a professional whatever-I-do-here, most of my skills are completely underwhelming. As often as I tell women in bars that I'm really very hilarious (on the Internet), few seem to offer me immediate sex or...

Every once in a while, in between the e-mails demonstrating all the inventive ways in which women conceal their naughty bits behind gaming appliances, and pictures of Brian Crecente's head pasted on a centaur, we receive missives that are o...

After the jump you'll find the just-released list of Achievements for the Xbox 360 version of the upcoming blood, guts n' dinos FPS Turok. Normally this wouldn't even blip on our radar of actual, useful news but something about this list st...

There's been a lot of petty sniping towards Halo from both the anti-Microsoft crowd and the contrarian, anti-mainstream crowd ever since the pre-release hype for Halo 3 began building up, but absolutely no one, regardless of how tightly the...

Guys, I'd love to spend an hour crafting a deep, engaging story about why my hair hurts this week, but honestly I'm too absorbed in Assassin's Creed to give this whole thing much thought. One of the true joys of a gig like this is that inst...