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Boxed Swine
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Sonic can get away with the most heinous crimes because he can literally run faster than the cops. *begins writing fan fiction* OwO

 
 
 

If you have something to say and it fills up multiple tweets, just write a blog. Nobody wants to piece together your chop suey writing format.

 
 
 

Whenever I have guest over, I always set the table so that I have the largest cutlery. They say, "My god, is that Wallace's Claymore that has slain over fifty Englishmen?" and I say, "Oh, aye." And then I decimate the table trying to cut my steak.

 
 
 

If Fallout 76 could speak.



 
 
 
 

New Year, new you. Come on down to Swine's Plastic Surgery Van, where we have a special on bat-to-kneecap operations for the low price of WHERE IS MY MOTHERFUDGE'N MONEY?!

 
 
 

No. Pls. I can't take it...



 
 
 

2018: Game Over. 2019: Continue? Yes/Hell Yes

 
 
 

Don't bring a knife to a Smash brawl.


 
 
 

Spider-Man for the one and only PS4 is good, but it would be better if it were a Battle Royale like Fortnite, complete with loot boxes and microtransactions. #P2W4Life

 
 
 

When the eggnog comes out, it's time for XXXmas.

 
 
 

I have been using this wrapping paper for years, and it never runs out. It is an Xmas curse.


 
 
 

My dog when I drop some food and need help cleaning it up.


 
 
 

DUSK: The end of this Blog will upset you

As I awaited Dusk: Episode Three to come out I saw Peter Glagowski's review and realized I needed to get on that shit. You probably recall that I wrote a piece trying to decipher the hidden story behind DUSK's episodes one and two. The...

 
 
 
 

It's almost four in the morning and I accidentally ate part of my fortune. I hate when things end on a cliffhanger. Welp, tune in next time when we get the last quarter.


 
 
 

All I want for Christmas is digital violence

'Tis the season for blogs that start with "'Tis the season for ..." and drench our screens with savory nostalgia butter until they are dripping onto our keyboards, leaving us to sop it up with our tongues like dyhdrated hamsters. ...

 
 
 
 

It's pronounced .g(j)if

 
 
 

*puts stolen meme in your stocking*


 
 
 

When someone says Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is just "pretty good."


 
 
 

Hearthstone is broken AF. Just lost with 24 health (winning next turn) because a priest summoned three 1 mana cost boars with charge and boosted them to 16 attack in one turn. What just happened?!

 
 
 

The household conventional oven was invented during the Cold War to train Soviet Werewolves to become sleeper cells. Because of Vodka concerns, the program was later scrapped. Over time these Lycanthrope would evolve to become the Pokemon we love today.

 
 
 
 

I feel like the only thing I can offer qtoid this holiday season is stolen memes. I'm a mix of Santa and Robinhood.


 
 
 

Dudes. What if Cyberpunk 2077 disappoints like Fallout 76? Do we just give up on gaming?

 
 
 

This song was released in 2002.



 
 


About Boxed Swineone of us since 2:59 PM on 12.11.2012

It all started with Jebediah Swine, a real salt of the earth man who farmed truffles. He was eventually cut down by an angry mob for having coitus with a pig.

From their unholy union came Beelzebub Swine, known for terrorizing the land until his untimely death at the hands of a jealous barmaid. He was later turned into bacon.

Part of his soul was digested and reincarnated as Ichabod Swine, the great detective and specialist of the occult. He said that all that has happened was part of some prophecy to bring back ancient, evil Gods. No one really cared to listen.

Like, eight generations later, there is me.

I am an Eldritch Horror from the interweb long forgotten. Beware as you enter the Palace of Swine!
 
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