#ArbitraryMetalTuesday Sexy Hair Metal counts, right? Edit: I just realized that this is my 69th post. I have no regrets. It perfectly fits the occasion.
#confessiontoid I think most of y'all are pretty cool, but @kevlarmonkey is a colossal nerd who has never gotten his donger wet.
Instructions for the lighting the grills at my apartment complex during Summer, in the comments.
Does anybody want to be ol' Charlton Heston's pal on Steam? I'll be gentle. I promise.
On this 4th of July, in the true spirit of America, here is an excess of America:
[We Community Managers usually like to add a witty intro to promoted community blogs to get readers in the right mood. Unfortunately, any attempt at outwitting The Actual Charlton Heston's NieR: Automata exposé would be in vain....
All right. DOOM is perfect. It is the perfect video game. It knows exactly what it is, exactly how to deliver itself, and it is not here to fuck around. I want to rub it all over my body and give it kisses. I want it to sire my progeny.
Don't forget to squeeze, folks.
@ExteriorPainters You left us too soon, but you painted a kiss upon my heart. I never... I never even got to tell you how much I wanted you to grab my prostate and yank on it like it was a nacho cheese dispenser. You will be missed.
Fridge is full of beer and steaks, it's over 100° outside, and my weekend is free because I have chosen exile and my heart is on loan to Dick Cheney. Alright, DOOM... don't be gentle: Daddy needs to hurt.
@The Actual Charlton Heston I want to wear your thighs like earmuffs.
I don't think I've ever said this, but I'd like to take this opportunity to do so: Community of Destructoid, I would proudly 69 with any one of you beautiful people.
Yes, I know that it is not considered classy to grill your steak wearing only an apron while drinking a liter of vodka. For the record, there are plenty of other places for your kids to play, it's 110 degrees out, fuck off, I'm cooking here.
New teaser for Nightmare Cops, y'all.
There's no one else in the building, and he's also blocking the only exit. Flashbacks to my childhood overwhelming.
Michael Bay's Con Air is my guide to surviving a prison riot/hostile in-flight prisoner takeover. Because this is America, god damn it. Bring me a Nic Cage bald-cap/"wig" combo, and a stuffed rabbit. I'm getting home to my family. Nothing will stop me.
So, how did y'all enjoy this E3? Did Santa bring you everything you wanted? Personally, all I needed out of this was an announcement for Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise, so I was golden. Everything else was just delicious gravy on top.
Finally getting around to watching The Witch tonight. Will this actually scare me? Because one time I ran around naked on the freeway holding unstable dynamite, and, I've gotta be honest, the thrill of fear has felt dead to me after that.
In retrospect, and with the benefit of more life experience, I now understand why my marriage imploded into a state of mutual acrimony, self-loathing, extreme physical violence and angry masturbation. If only I could go back, talk to myself as I was then.
Immortal Redneck is 60% off ($8) today at Chrono.gg. Get on that shit, y'all. The south WILL rise again. As a mummified corpse.
I've discovered that I can fit 3 copies of the hardcover version of Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs & Ham up my ass, if I fold them just right. You can learn something new about yourself every day, if you dare only to dream. Chase your dreams, kids.
Probably on this day, 16 years ago — a day like any other, people assumed — The Mothman Prophecies was released in theaters to the masses. A smash-hit, all would agree: but one with sinister undercurrents. Friends, The Moth...