Been out of touch for a bit, but I wanted to pop in to wish Wes a Happy Birthday. Missed a few Birthdays in the past, and I feel bad about that, but I'll be God damned if I miss the Birthday of the man who mailed me a plush penis. Happy Birthday, Wes!

I feel like if there is a God, it's trying to tell me that I should never have kids, because my seed will produce the Antichrist. So, who wants me to impregnate them? Because that would be metal as fuck, and I am down to clown in Pound Town.

It's the Holiday season, I'm a bit on the hammered side, and I've never done one of these, ever. So, AMA; 'cause y'all are good people and I'm willing to answer questions. I'm not particularly interesting, but anyone willing to play is welcome to.

Question: does anyone else just eat the entire kiwi? No, this isn't a bad joke about cannibalizing New Zealanders; I seriously just eat the entire kiwi, skin and all. I think I might be a barely-functional idiot who is lucky to be alive, at this point.

What's all of this noise about folks getting Christmas cards? What'd I miss?

Merry Christmas! Y'all are great; I hope your gifts were plentiful. More pressing, I hope that y'all received a lot of love; Games are great and all, but treasure your families: kiss your Ma on the cheek, and shake your Dad's hand. If you're married? Well

As is my wont on Christmas Eve, I will be watching Kurt Russell's The Thing. No, it's not John Carpenter's "The Thing": without Kurt Russell, there is no "The Thing". What are some Holiday traditions you have, D-toid? What fries your bacon on this day?

We're nearing Christmas. After, a new year. I joined D-toid 364 days ago. I hope that I've contributed to what makes this place special, in some way, but more importantly, I hope you guys know how much I love y'all. Shine on, you diamonds. Now let's rock:

Y'all are playing Smash. I'm behind the times, but I do play the video games! Here's what I'm currently playing. It has the basketballs in it.

I... think I may have found @Occams on Youtube by accident. I don't read comments as a rule, but this was a serendipitous slip of the finger, if so:

Can we all just agree that Flamin' Hot Cheetos are, in fact, weaponized food invented by a Russian spy who was sent here to infiltrate Frito-Lay with the express intent of blowing out my asshole? They're trying to weaken me: they want to get to my rifles.

Today is Sunday, which means that the nefarious @Soulbow has had his precious "#SiegeSaturday" and I can safely rejoin you all. I hereby declare today #DragonQuestXISunday, even though it is not catchy and makes no sense. Because fuck Soulbow. He sucks.

Fuck ever happened to gravy? That recipe was bullshit; I wanted something simple, but the packet asked for, like, two ingredients? I can't be bothered with that: doing all of that work is boring, and I still have people-meat I have to pour the gravy on.

I'm not dead. As we all know by now, I cannot actually be killed. But I have been busy. Many projects are in the works; namely, I've been fucking apes. Like, a LOT of apes. Also, I'm working on a new type of gunpowder. When you sniff it, you become erect.

Today is the Birthday of @Vesalius! Show some love, folks: each and every one of us are a piece of what makes this place beautiful and special. Now show Vesalius some love. Also, a Birthday taco for you, Vesalius:

Well guys, I've been putting this off for long enough, but it's time: I'm going to go to the Courthouse tomorrow and have my name legally changed to "Tyrannodong." Wish me luck; I don't know how my family will react to this, so close to Christmas...

Barely made it in time for Band of Bloggers; let it not be said that I have terrible taste in music videos, or that I'm bad at writing things at the last second. Wait, never mind: both of those are true. I am ashamed of myself. Oh well. TIME FOR SEX SYRUP

Band of Bloggers: Ape Escape

I would just like to remind everyone that, thanks to @CelicaCrazed, there are new Commandments. Heed them well. For in Siege, there is only darkness; but in Dragon Quest XI? There, my friends, you will find the way, the truth, and the light. Stand fast.

Alright. Managed to clock in 9 hours of Dragon Quest XI over the weekend; also over a late Monday night. And, y'all? I'm in love. Haven't enjoyed a video game this hard in a long, LONG time. Going to see if I can legally marry it: until death do us part.

IT BEGINS, AND IF THEY FIND MY NAKED CORPSE WITH A PS4 CONTROLLER CLENCHED IN MY HAND, TELL THEM I DIED AS I LIVED: NUDE, BUT HAPPY, AND BLESSED TO HAVE LIVED TO SEE SUCH A DAY:

IT’S HERE. OH MY GOD, IT GOT HERE A DAY EARLY. IT’S STILL THE WEEKEND AND OH MY GOD, I HAVE THE TIME NOW:

#WaveWednesdays Because deep down, you know somebody is going to do a Siege post today; I'm just trying to start things out on a positive note, here.

So many have fallen. So many have been corrupted. Are there none now, who would stand against this wretched tide? Are there none who will stand against a tyrant, and declare with a lion's roar, "No, this will not stand, Soulbow"? Must I stand alone?

Bought this set of Highlander coasters at a thrift store today. Because a fool and his money are soon parted. But let us also remember the words of a certain immortal...