Shut it down, guys. This wins the internet today.

You ever have a woman gently pressure you to write erotica for her, so you start writing but you can't nut for however long it takes because it would ruin the vibe, and you finish and you nuts like, six times what you normally nut? That was my week. You?

Dad's home from the hospital, which means the doctors didn't have any options for him, and he decided to come home rather than wait for what's coming in a hospital bed. I know what that means but I dunno if I'm ready to handle it.

My dad got an angiogram today and the results are not good. The doctors don't think they'll be able to help him. My mom is heading out to be with him now but all I can do is hope.

Romance in 2020.

It's fucking RAW.

People losing their minds because Halo Infinite is just Halo 1 is kind of funny. Granted, I haven't enjoyed the series since the first game, so I guess I see the appeal, but everyone sharing pictures on Twitter of the Mjolnir armor has me shaking my head

Happy Birthday to me. I won't ask you to say it, I know I'm a blunt, belligerent ass on this site. But I hope y'all have a good day and that good things come your way and also kill fascists, eat the rich, and justice for all.

I'm just gonna say it. Yeah, it's nice that kid protected his sister from a dog and I'm glad she's okay. But there are people literally fighting fascism in US streets right now, while we're all circle jerking ourselves on social media.

Has someone asked Trump to draw a clock yet?

Huh. I found an old pirated copy of AvP II in my box of junk. I wonder if this is worth anything, since you can't buy AvP II anymore, if it would just wind me up in Double-Prison for piracy and copyright infringement issues.

I think it's time reporters start adding "and don't lie to me" to every question they ask.

He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue! That's the Chicago way. ...And also why I can't go back to Mistress Viper's House of Pain.

A centipede just crawled out from under my mousepad, skittered across my desk, and crawled under my monitor stand. It's been two minutes, but he still hasn't come out. There's only one solution. Please stand by.

I know I'm almost 39, but at some point last night I officially hit the point where I've lost all interest in 'girls'. My porn search now has "milfs with mom arms" which are the buff shoulders they get from carrying kids, and they can beat you to death.

I've washed my hands three times today but they still smell like house paint. I hate being a fucking adult. I want my hands to smell like lemons, for fuck's sake.

These Halo: Infinite teasers fail to do anything but remind me Halo exists. These things are supposed to get you hyped, but I'm sitting here thinking "I don't know who the Banished are, and this teaser gives me no reason to care."

KinoFabino is some kind of demented genius.

I've got a confession or two to make myself. In the comments. Where the balls are.

Just puttin' this out there: guys wearing tighty-whiteys look ridiculous. Stop that shit.

Curious to see if my attempts to act like a curmudgeonly dick on Qtoid have convinced anyone.

So who's excited for Star Wars: Squadrons: EA?

Play the Gloomwood demo, nerds.

Ask yourself with all the day 1 meme material that exists for the PS5 reveal, how much of it was probably provided by Sony's marketing department.

Just to remind everyone how deep we've gone, a few weeks ago we were still smacking our foreheads because the President of the United States of America was recommending the injection of household chemicals and UV light into the human body to cure disease.