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TheIntern
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To those who offered up what they could for my bill-paying emergency, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If circumstances allow, I'll find a way to make it up to you and/or pay it forward. Thanks again.

 
 
 

I did not believe it would come to this, but like other unfortunates here on Destructoid, I'm making a plea for help. I've been struggling to find work and pay my bills for several months now, and I'm falling way behind. Paypal link in the comments.

 
 
 

I wonder if Death Stranding is a case of an auteur breaking his leash and shitting all over the yard, or Kojima's brilliantly subliminal deconstruction of the most boring, shitty cliches and game-play design ever found in Western "open-world" video games.

 
 
 

Turns out Kojima never actually explains wtf is going on in Death Stranding, the game is just a meta-narrative about how amazing auteur directors are and how the games industry is holding them back.

 
 
 

Okay well Prey started out kind of enjoyable as a distraction but now it's just turned into a grind. Every resource I have is being poured into making ammo and no matter how beefed up my abilities are, the game keeps throwing tanks at me.

 
 
 

I don't have the money to play Outer Worlds but I did buy Prey a while back and it's a decent game. There's zero atmosphere and the Typhon aren't threatening, but it's got all the scavenge-heavy exploration gameplay you could want.

 
 
 

Guys I know you wanna give your hot-take impressions of Outer Worlds but some of us can't afford or have chosen to put off buying the game for whatever reason. Try to keep the play-by-play to a minimum here for the time being.

 
 
 

Mike, I think I left my wallet near your bed. Lemme know if you find it and we'll get birthday brunch.

 
 
 

I am craving a Filet o' Fish. This is where my life is now.


 
 
 

Mortal Kombat XI Trailer: Old Mortal Kombat arcade playing. Scorpion v. Kano. Kano wins. Camera pans down to green gauntlets playing the game. Doom 2016 Title Drop begins playing, Doom Slayer smashes arcade machine; Doom Slayer in MKXI.

 
 
 

I can't. I just... my brain can't take this. https://www.feastoflegends.com/

 
 
 

Hah! Bow down you internet PEASANTS. I've been eating Hawaiian pizza all day while wiping my ass with toilet paper set in the underhand position, and I haven't had one bad thing happen to me all

 
 
 

BUT IT WAS ME, GOOIGI!



 
 
 

The only thing that would compel me to play FF7R would be finding out Aeris and Tifa go full lesbian and Cloud gets killed by Sephiroth instead because seriously go dry your wet blanket, Cloud.

 
 
 

Someone should remake Thief: Deadly Shadows... using the Thief 2 engine. Please. Thanks. Nightdive?

 
 
 

I hate mental health advice that boils down to "don't think about it." No, fucker, the answer is to kick down some doors, beat the shit out of the problem, and burn its house down. With the lemons. Stop telling me to just accept or tolerate everything.

 
 
 

Based on the early reviews of Joker, it sounds like the dickish neckbeard Rick and Morty fans have something else to never-shut-up-ever about.

 
 
 

Spent all day mailing queries to literary agents. Hoping to break into that... slowly dying, over-saturated industry. So nice to think it's probably the only thing I'm talented at and have any chance of building a career on.

 
 
 

I'm not gay, but when I watch porn I don't want the man to be 110 pounds of bony, ass-less mouthbreather who looks like he's trying to solve trigonometry in front of a classroom. #ImNotGayButFriday

 
 
 
 

It's only been a day but I'm already sick of the Spider-Man memes. My god, it's like everyone on earth thinks they're the most clever and first person to clip together an image macro and wait for the upvotes to validate wasting time.

 
 
 

I'm thinking 2K can go eat a bag of rotten, maggoty dicks.

 
 
 

I kind of want to see Gary Oldman, as Zorg, playing Pinhead.

 
 
 

Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson (played by Conrad Zimmerman) prove that no matter how hard he tries, Jim Sterling will never be able to come up with a weirder movie pitch than the films Willem actually stars in.



 
 
 

I want to stop following internet meme trends, but I require a Bethesda login and constant internet connection.

 
 


About TheInternone of us since 3:57 PM on 07.16.2015

Mike is a crazy, jobless hobo living in his parents' basement.
 
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