My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.

Happy birthday, lettuce turnip the beet!

What do you call bears with no ears? B

I hate sleeping weirdly. It's a real pain in the neck.

Hey shawty. It’s sherbert day.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Strating Cyberpukn 2077 in a baes ps4 today atfer finally dowlnaoding teh limek 45 GB updtaes. Juts I remember smoe people in reviews gonig nuts that hey doing convesrations adn selecting to tlak to people is so seemless and better thne usula pressa.Waht?

I meant to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but with nothing to light them with. So they throw one overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter

I was feeling depressed, so a friend put her hand on my shoulder and said Earth. It meant the world to me.

I’d like to cut back on the Thanksgiving leftovers, but I can’t quit cold turkey.

6:30 is the best time on the clock. Hands down.

I tried picking up Fallen Order again after I stopped playing for a while. As the ever wise Gandalf once said: "I have no memory of this place."

Someone say #caturday?

Where do shellfish go to borrow money? The prawn broker

The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.

Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

I want to be cremated as it is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

Didn't make the fan favorite, oh well. Thank you all who tuned in to support me and Zombie, Taterchimp and Shattersparkz! You all are amazing!!!

Didn't make the fan favorite, oh well. Thank you all who tuned in to support me and Zombie! You all are amazing!!!