When the iron was invented there was a press conference.

Yup, I'm contributing to #carporntoid

Driving with one headlight isn't very bright.

I dislike it when people ask me what I'm doing in two years, it's not like I have 2020 vision!

Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard.

One of my friends suffered a grizzly death at the paws of a bear. A-bear-antly it's unacceptable to make puns at the funeral.

It was a sad day for the rattlesnake family, the time had come for the children to strike out on their own.

Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, "The Silence of the Yams".

In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils!

Whoever invented the girdle got a bum wrap.

Banning Viagra was a big flop.

Thought I would participate in #WaveWednesday

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler.

Whenever I go near my bank I get withdrawal symptoms.

I got a job in the transmission shop. It's shift work.

Communism first took off in the insect kingdom when a wary wasp joined the cagey bee.

I once met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

The storm chaser was so fascinated by tornadoes that he tended to get carried away.

Dentists have their own flossify on how to keep teeth clean.

The doctor couldn't transfer the organs because he didn't have the guts to do it. (TGIF everyone!)

When the prisoner was told by his lawyer that he had gotten a stay of execution, he smiled and said, "Well, no noose is good noose."

A couch is a remote location.

When his wife asked for wooden walls in the basement, they had a panel discussion.

The neurologist wanted to propose to his girl friend, but he just didn't have the nerve.

When he fell in the wet concrete he left a bad impression.