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Boxed Swine
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Entering the Portal Room for the first time.


 
 
 

Late Night Hypothetical: Destructoid is under investigation, what crime did it allegedly commit?

 
 
 
 
 
 

I have 50 oz of untapped Mustard in my home. Why do I have so much? Who even uses more than 10 oz in a lifetime? Monsters, that's who.

 
 
 

Well God Damn, RE2 Remake, finally a flamethrower worth using in a video game.

 
 
 
 

You can't just let it suffer like that...



 
 
 

Players be dealing with Mr.X like


 
 
 
 

I guess WebMD publishes a magazine? I was gonna check it out, but I was scared of getting cancer.

 
 
 
 

When you stop and think about it, Liberty Prime is the very thing it wants to destroy. It's a giant, oppressive war machine. It is a monument to how our country became what it feared. And when we glorify Liberty Prime, we bury that message.

 
 
 

No one makes the connection between Leon and JFK. In RE6 he even headshots the president! Wake up, sheeple!

 
 
 

Scientifically speaking, the only reason you have form is because your insides are scared of your outsides.

 
 
 
 

"...We have your phone number and your name, so we'll be contacting the police. Thank you!" Good from the start.



 
 
 

Sometimes graffiti goes too far.


 
 
 
 

M'lady, we cannot slay you, for you are too high! (Lady Liadrin, Arathi Warfront, World of Warcraft, the final boss we need to kill to win.)


 
 
 

Sonic can get away with the most heinous crimes because he can literally run faster than the cops. *begins writing fan fiction* OwO

 
 
 

If you have something to say and it fills up multiple tweets, just write a blog. Nobody wants to piece together your chop suey writing format.

 
 
 

Whenever I have guest over, I always set the table so that I have the largest cutlery. They say, "My god, is that Wallace's Claymore that has slain over fifty Englishmen?" and I say, "Oh, aye." And then I decimate the table trying to cut my steak.

 
 
 

If Fallout 76 could speak.



 
 


About Boxed Swineone of us since 2:59 PM on 12.11.2012

It all started with Jebediah Swine, a real salt of the earth man who farmed truffles. He was eventually cut down by an angry mob for having coitus with a pig.

From their unholy union came Beelzebub Swine, known for terrorizing the land until his untimely death at the hands of a jealous barmaid. He was later turned into bacon.

Part of his soul was digested and reincarnated as Ichabod Swine, the great detective and specialist of the occult. He said that all that has happened was part of some prophecy to bring back ancient, evil Gods. No one really cared to listen.

Like, eight generations later, there is me.

I am an Eldritch Horror from the interweb long forgotten. Beware as you enter the Palace of Swine!
 
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