For years now, we've been taught to coddle and "baby" our babies by the media and doctors. But have we been too light on them? Isn't it about time to start teaching them life lessons earlier? Isn't it about time to say that it's never too early to grow the hell up?
At Johnson & Johnson it IS
time. So, after decades of pampering children into helpless, whiny, and feeble creatures, Johnson & Johnson is unveiling their new "Nothing But Tears" shampoo. Here's some of the article from FauxNews
"A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby's skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self." "It's time our children got the wake-up call that's been coming to them," Weldon continued. "It's time they cried their precious little eyes out." The result of five years of intensive research and market testing, the company's "Nothing But Tears" shampoo contains only the most abrasive of natural ingredients and is nearly impossible to rinse from a baby's screaming face. According to directions printed on the label, the bath-time product is best used with scalding hot water for optimal toughening-up of newborns. Available in an easy-to-find-and-open bottle, the new shampoo is also guaranteed to give children a "healthy dose of reality."
Doesn't it sound remarkable? The chance for your child to experience the heartbreak of life sooner, rather than later? And best of all, it works as soon as the first use!
"You'll notice a difference after just one use," said Michelle Baker, head of new product development. "Whether it's your newborn's more hardened appearance, the way he now approaches people with guarded skepticism, or just that look on his face that says, 'Oh wait, maybe life isn't all hugs and kisses and rainbows. Maybe I need to get my fucking act together.'" Added Baker, "Johnson & Johnson will kick your baby's ass into gear."
Nothing But Tears! Now that's a product I can endorse.
Link for those who have no idea what's going on Link for everyone else Link to the Past Link to OH SNAP
Link to OK I'm done now...