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So You Want To Play The Destructoid Card Game?

Ever since I started doing the Destructoid cards en mass, people have been asking how you actually USE them, and this is the part where I have to break some bad news to you.

You can't use them to play any game that I know of.


Here's the deal: I started this project because I have a month where I've got more free time than I've ever had before (no job, no school and nearly all of my friends have moved to other cities) so I figured that I'd make myself a card to add to the pile on the forum. Blehman then asked me to make one, followed by FooLiz, and so I went ahead and did them. Then I figured "aw, what the hell. I may as well see if anyone else wants one." So I put up a c-blog entry and a forum post saying that I would make cards on request, thinking I would get maybe a dozen responses max.

Apparently I was wrong.

The point of this story is that all of this started without any kind of master plan. There was no idea to begin with other than to make funny cards for the community (and I actually thought that even once I started I'd burn out after a day or two, hence why I kept telling people that I wasn't promising anything in the first couple of booster pack entries), but now that it seems like I'm going to see this thing through I would most certainly LOVE to see these cards used for an honest to God actual game.

Unfortunately, there are two major problems...

1) I'm working in a limited time frame. I MIGHT be able to make it through almost all of the cards before I leave for Zambia for the rest of the summer (where I'll be much busier), but the amount of time needed to actually come up with a rule set and balance all 70-100 or so cards (currently 37 are posted, 41 are completed) to the point of playability would likely just be too much for me.

2) I've never played a CCG in my entire life. There, I said it. I do know how to create plasmids and express and analyze proteins, but those skills don't exactly help here. If I came up with a rule set it would likely be broken and I wouldn't know it because I'm totally unfamiliar with how to make a fun CCG, or even a mildly amusing CCG.

I'll sum those problems up for ya'll in a slightly shorter form.

1) I am but a man and likely won't have the time to make a rule set.

2) I'm an idiot.

What this means is that I'm asking for help from the community. I need someone that knows card games that can come up with a rule set, I need beta testers to try the game out over and over again, until it's at least playable and most importantly: I need copious amounts of drugs, wine and women.


Now, how is this going to work?

Making The Rules

Now because I'm sure that everyone and their dog has ideas for how to make a playable game, I'm going to ask that instead of flooding the comments with ideas, you just work out amongst yourselves who wants to take on the rules, and if there's multiple people, then you guys need to figure out if all of you want to work together or what. At the end of the day we're looking for ONE rule set people, don't forget that. Only get into this if you are serious about finishing the job; the community deserves a quality game.

I have all of the .psd files, so going back and changing anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, on the old cards will be really quick. I could probably edit them all in a day depending on the changes. So the first thing that's needed is a basic outline of play so that I know what to add/change on the card template (resistance symbols, card classes etc.). Once that's been decided, then it'll be the hard part: crunching the numbers for each card and deciding on the ability effects since many of them, like Tophers "everyone dies instantly" abilities, just aren't practical.

But they're funny right? :D

Remember to think fun, not complicated. This game will most likely be a NARP only thing, so it's not like people are going to be practicing a whole bunch. The way I see it we want anyone to be able to come to the party, pick up some cards and play.

Once a rule set has been come up with and the cards have been edited, we can start testing.

Beta Testing

STOP! Don't do it! Don't flood the comments asking to be a beta tester, it just won't be helpful. If all of the above mentioned work gets done, I'll/we'll come around looking for help. Until there's a game there certainly won't be any testing, so chill.

Project Leadership/Purpose

This was never my project. I may have started making lots of cards, but this stuff was around before I was, all I did was take the idea and run with it. There are many people in this community that are both more talented and funnier than I am and I would love to have them working WITH me. That's the key here: anyone that wants to really make a go of this with my help needs to come into it with the mentality that it's a community project for the community and thus it's open to additions by anyone.


The only thing I want to do here is make a good base set of cards that can be used with a cohesive rule set. What everyone does with the cards etc. from there is up to them.

Finished product

Some people brought up printing the cards off, laminating them and selling them at a profit.


Let me say it again.



For one reason: some of these cards use commercial art and I would be liable to be sued unless I either redesigned most of the cards or got permission to use the stuff, which would mean royalties to be paid. For another: that's not why I started doing this. Want to print out the cards yourself and laminate them? Go for it. Want to use them on your myspace? Go right ahead! Want to print them out, pee on them and then light them on fire because you hate my cards? It's your God given RIGHT to be able to do so.

Just don't even fucking think about making money with anything that I've created. My stuff is meant to be free and to be shared.

That would go for any card game that I would work on too. Don't like that? Then don't work with me.

Lamination costs of decks etc., if the project actually gets that far, would probably need to be paid for via donations by the community, or (far more likely) by individuals covering the cost to make their own decks themselves.

Yeah, I'm a commie apparently. Who knew?

If No One Wants To Do It

Then I'll just make 'em for the lulz and to possibly get laminated and passed out at PAX (CTZ suggested that he might do this so that everyone in attendance could get a copy of their own card). I've got no problem with that, it's just that it would be mighty nice to turn this project into something much greater.

Regardless of what happens, I'm having a lot of fun making these cards and it's actually sorta become part of my routine. They don't usually take very long (although some take longer than others if I can't think of anything funny, or can't find good source images, or can't get a good color balance etc.) and I find myself doing them when I would normally be playing videogames, which is actually probably a better use of my time when you think about it (I've learned quite a bit about both Photoshop and the community and I'm constantly having to think up "creative" solutions for the various aspects of these cards).

What I'm Actually Trying To Say

I need help designing the rules.

Now you tell me Destructoid: do you want to do this, or don't you? :)

Random quote... EXECUTE!

“Don't undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible”

~Edwin Land
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About The GHostone of us since 1:55 AM on 01.25.2008

For the basics, check out my forum intro thread.

Or for the lazy, here's all you really need to know about me summed up in one picture:

Now that that's done with, let's move onto the blog itself. This blog isn't going to contain any news. Like EVER. Like NEVER EVER FOREVER NEVER. I have no intention of doing anything other than posting original content (mostly just pictures that I make with my extremely limited photoshop skills along with original stories and whatnot). The bottom line is that I think that there are plenty of people doing editorial/reviewer style content already, and so instead of adding to the glut, I'll just stick to what I know:

Dicking around :D

Now enjoy... or DON'T!

My one year anniversary: I did a bunch of traveling and met a bunch of Dtoiders whilst doing so. Here's my one year anniversary/travel summary audio c-blog.

Other work: I also write for a site called Negative Gamer which was started by Wardrox. It's super cool and full of dinosaurs. RAWR!

Destructoid Cards

I've made many a card for many a Dtoider after getting the idea from a forum thread in which Atheistium posted a template and a challenge. Currently I'm a little too busy with school/work/fighting enemies of truth and justice to make more, but I'll get another batch out eventually. Here are links to all my Dtoid card posts!

FooLiz, Blehman and Requests: The beginning

Booster Pack 1
Booster Pack 2
Booster Pack 3
Booster Pack 4
Booster Pack 5
Booster Pack 6
Booster Pack 7
Booster Pack 8
Booster Pack 9
Booster Pack 10
Booster Pack 11
Booster Pack 12
Booster Pack 12.5
Booster Pack 13
Booster Pack 14

Secret Booster Pack 1
Secret Booster Pack 2
Secret Booster Pack 3

Rules Post 1
Rules Post 2

Cards (jpegs)
Photohop Files

Frontpaged Posts

Destructoid card wrap-up post
Katamari Damacy: The Ultimate Murder Simulator?
Why Fanboys Are Better Than You

(Header images from https://thewsk.deviantart.com)
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