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LONG BLOG

SHOCKING NEWS: FANBOYS TEAM UP; START A HOLY WAR AGAINST JOHN ROMERO

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Pictured: Members of the Nintendo Party of CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH™ training for a "Search and Destroy Romero" Operation in the Middle East.

Redmond, WA: Shock and Awe-mazing news coming down the pipeline today, and FOXToid is your one and ONLY source for this exclusive news.

April 1st, 2008 will be a day that will be remembered by all those leftist bastard gamers for the rest of their lives. It was announced today that fanboys for Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo have thrown down their flame cannon and held up the olive branch of peace. The Coalition of the Gaming Masses Who No Longer Wish To Fight Amongst Each Other and Find a New Scapegoat to Hate™ (or CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH™ for short) was formed today on the front steps of Nintendo of America. A representative of each fan group was in attendance to announce the Ceasefire between message boards.

"We have realized that we have been fighting the wrong enemy this entire time," says SuMizzle, a former fanboy of Sony and now a head member of CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH™. "For nearly a decade this war has been waged for all the wrong reasons, pitting brother against brother, e-girlfriend against e-boyfriend. Today we now realize who the real enemy is."

That enemy, they have claimed, is John Romero, designer of such games as Commander Keen, Doom, and Daikatana, the latter of which CGMWNLWTFAEOFNSH™ is citing as the reason for their war.

"For the last twenty years, we have been fighting over which one of our fellow man has the greater system. In that same amount of time, John Romero has created schlock such as Daikatana and Red Faction for the Nokia N-gage," says Adam "Blindside" Dork, a member of the Nintendo party. "For these reasons, we have called upon Mr. Romero a l33t-had. We have the belief that the great gaming gods, Miyamoto, Allard, and Harai, will help to deliver this infidel to justice."

Since news of this Console Alliance has been released, John Romero has gone into hiding. Reports are coming in saying that Romero was possibly identified in a Houston airport booking a flight to Romania.

We should have known better than to allow gamers to assemble en masse. I've always said that eventually they will unite and wage a holy war against someone instead of growing up and getting a real job like I did. They'll never learn, but we already knew that they were nothing more then sad, disgusting losers who live in their parent's basements. Unlike me.

I live in the upstairs guest room.

Stay tuned for FOXToid for future updates on this crisis.

FOXTOID: WE BLAME. YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION.
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About tazarthayootone of us since 2:14 AM on 12.27.2006



Associate Editor for Tomopop.com
Still, Destructoid's Number One Awesome Bad Ass guy thing...that went to Cancun.

Name: Tazar "Tha Yoot" Tha Yoot
Blood Type: Jazzy Neapolitan
Fighting Style: Irish Wobble and then fall down drunk
Favorite Stance: "Anal sex is still safer then regular sex"
Weapon of choice: by Fatboy Slim
Drug of choice: You know that smell of socks that haven't been washed for years, and have been worn by the same fat steel mill worker for years and years and years. And then you take those socks and you douse them in kerosene and feed them to a large quad-pedal animal (my personal preference: Hulk Hogan), and then subsequently rip them out of the stomach through the rib cage of said animal, and then slather them in mayonaise and leave them in the sun for several days?

That's not a drug, that's just silly.

1st Alternate Drug of choice: Hamsters
2nd Alternate Drug of choice: The Jazz Stylings of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
Favorite Book: Def Jam's How to be a Player: The Abridged Version
Favorite Movies: Gonorrhea
Favorite Game: Failing at life.
Weakness:
Favorite writer: Paris Hilton
Current room status: "Fucking Mansion"
Mood: GOD DAMMIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO SLAM THE DOOR.



My dog doing his best Nicolas Cage impersonation.

My woman.


I draw. I write. I rule.
Xbox LIVE:tazar the yoot


 

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