The porn industry struck back at EA and Bioware's Space RPG title Mass Effect
today because of it's use of "rampant, unprotected, unsolicited sex with humans and aliens."
"This is just wrong, and completely unfair," says the guy who made all of those World of Whorecraft movies. "I mean, my whole career is based around making porno based off video games for pathetic, lonely nerds to jerk off too, but thanks to Mass Effect
and its fuck shots, there's nothing I can parody that they haven't already seen!"
Not only was that one guy pissed off, but about three dozen or so B list porno celebrities were upset that they aren't going to be able to put "the blue alien chick who does DVDA" on their acting resumes. "I've done a lot of roles in my career," says Trixxxie Suxxxalot (misspellings = sexiness), star of game-based pornographic films, such as Crash Inhercoot
, Super Monkey Balls in my Vagina #31
, and Pong: The Musical Porno
, "but playing a blue alien that gets fucked is a dream of mine, and I'm very disappointed that thanks to the sex scenes in Mass Effect
I'll never get the chance!"
"I already had a name and a plotline picked out," said that creepy director guy again. "Instead of the obvious Ass Effect
, I wanted to try something a bit edgier. I was gonna go with Mass Erect
, get it? Obviously with a name like that, we were gonna have a whole group gangbang of different alien races. It was gonna be a porno, sure, but it was also gonna be a message of hope and tolerance in an otherwise racist and bigoted world."
Neither EA nor Bioware have commented at this time, but some guy I met at the local Lion's Den said "I'll whack off to anything."
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