Happy St. Patrick's day, communitoid. Before you go out and destroy yourselves tonight in the name of my people and our heritage, I wanted to take a moment to explain something to you. Something I feel is very important, and can make or break your celebration. How NOT to St. Patrick's day:
If you're going to do it, make sure you don't FAIL at it. Thank you, and happy St. Patrick's day.
I'm Topher Cantler, and I approve this message.