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LONG BLOG

Why Bullet Witch only cost $14

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You ride that broom-gun, you dirty dirty girl.



You’re introduced to the game with a brief history of the end of the world, starting in approximately 2009, and bringing you up to date in the current year of 2013 after the destruction has well set in. Laid out are general apocalypse scenarios; weather, disease, famine, and finally the undead taking over.

You are Alicia-no-last-name, a witch dressed as a hooker (one of 6 whorish costumes available for free download), wielding a very large gun in the general shape of a broom. The enemy is a legion of undead demon things in various shapes, sizes, and species, with primary soldiers being machinegun toting Geists, who look like crack addicts with inside-out-skin.

The game has a very weak story, not giving you any information about your character, or why she has a male voice poking around in her head giving random advice or snide commentary periodically. The vague storyline leaves you with a sense of “Why am I doing this? Besides that these undead things aren’t very nice, of course.” Eventually you’re given some insight on a few points, but by then I really didn’t care.

Game play is something like a pseudo-survival horror, 3rd person shooter a-la-Gears of War. You’ll spend a lot of time hiding behind debris and anything else you can find – however, with the glitchiest backgrounds I’ve seen since Land of the Dead, occasionally an object you see and hide behind is penetrable or secretly non-existent, and Alicia will die for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

As for the glitches in the levels, walking in a straight line is basically impossible. Curbs are very real obstacles when moving from point A to point B in the city, which is more than frustrating with the shoot from the hip targeting system. Invisible rocks will barrage your path at regular intervals out in the open, causing the same issues while aiming at anything.

Entirely too many enemies get one-hit-kills. For instance, the telepath enemies (called Walnut heads for those who care) will throw cars - or sometimes they don’t really throw the cars, but after you kill them, they aren’t holding the car in the air anymore and it lands on your head. Oops, back to the checkpoint for you. Snipers never miss, and the “ancient wall” which is supposed to protect you from them sometimes has holes in it where bullets fit nicely through. Other times it’s just the big fuckers that decide to trample you, even while hiding in a narrow alley that this behemoth shouldn’t fit in.

The cinematic sequences were very poorly done. You can sacrifice some of your health and magic to revive fallen allies, however if a geist rounds the corner while you’re doing this, you can not move, or fire to defend yourself, and you will probably die while watching this 15 second cinematic. Summoning weather has the same effect - you can summon lightening or tornadoes, but if an enemy is firing anywhere near you, or something sneaks up behind you, you will probably die while watching this 25 second cinematic. (Also, the quote “I will give you a death you’ve never felt before!” makes me laugh, every time.)

Speaking of allies, the AI system in this game is especially retarded. Most of the time allies will charge enemies then stand there, and then…stand there. Other times they’ll run in the wrong direction and not even provide additional targets for the baddies. Or, they’ll shout “Over here!” and be standing or running facing the WRONG direction.

I’ll end this rant with the inconsistent difficulty. Some areas are ridiculously easy, you could say a “walk in the park” really, with frequent checkpoints just incase a squirrel up and kicks your ass.* Other times you will have a long road with falling debris or rogue cars rolling around (glitch) 3 tanks, 2 giants, and 4 dozen geists in the way before you hit a check point.

I suppose this game did have some good points, I just can’t exactly remember what they are right now. I don’t recommend this game to anybody, but for $14 I did play and beat it, with my only real regret being the shelf space its taking up now.

*there are no actual squirrels in this game, sorry to give up your hopes.
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About ShadokatRegnone of us since 11:16 PM on 12.06.2007

A 27 year old student, Katrina enjoys her writing, yet acknowledges it could be better. She spends most of her time looking for something to write about. She misses the Destructoid crew, but admits her other writing obligations keep her quite occupied. She'll keep an eye on the Monthly Musings, since those are always worth her time.

For those who enjoy her writing, it's now archived under that hypertext. Catch her Twittering in the third person on a somewhat regular basis.



Aww...you made spidey face palm.


These are just some of my other geekdoms.
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