Prince is the greatest thing ever. Not man, thing. He is a musical phenom, a literary genius, and a god to all the sexy ladies.
That being said, no one has ever made a game starring Prince, or even mentioning Prince. Why? Because it would be hard to bottle that much amazingness into one DVD. You think MGS4 on 360 will be a bunch of discs? The Prince game would be roughly five hundred discs long, and the game merely consists of Prince on the screen, gyrating and dancing to your favorite Prince songs. (which is easily an 11/10)
So with that in mind, what I'd like to do now is introduce all of you to a new era in the Prince Revolution, complete with shitty paint pictures! This is the top 5 games that need Prince.
Five: Rock Band: Black Sweat Edition
Prince is the all time greatest rock and roll R&B musician of all time. If you don't believe me, I suggest you turn off your internet right now and go watch Purple Rain for seventieth time (like I have). With a game that's all about letting the user rock, they really pulled a stupid move by not including the Great One™'s songs or likeness in the original.
Black Sweat Edition fixes all of these issues.
Want yellow assless chaps? You got em! Want an amazing guitar that behind a sheet looks like you have a gigantic penis? You got it! Want Morris Day and the Time? Go fuck yourself
Black Sweat Edition would feature Prince as the singer/guitarist/bassist/drummer/backup dancer/roadie/sex machine/ladies man/slick dresser/man about town. The 360 version would include one and only one achievement.
One: The Artist Formerly Known as Katamari Damacy
The entire time I played Katamari Damacy, I thought to myself This could use Prince.
(Granted, I think that about every game.) Thus, this brilliant idea was born.
You play as The Great One™, Prince. His head has decided that it needs a vacation, so it goes and rolls around the Japanese countryside, talking to cows and putting dolphins behind his ears. The King of the Cosmos will speak to you at various points of the game, asking you for guidance, and how to be as awesome as you.
Your response? Well, that part is entirely up to you. That's right, it's a choose your own Prince-venture game! Layers, upon layers, upon layers, upon layers.
So I know what you're asking yourself. You're saying, "Why are there only two games listed in this top 5 list? Why is Prince so sexy? Why have I never had the glory of Prince inside me?
The answer is simple: More than two games on the market featuring Prince could and will destroy the world. It will allow you to divide by zero, it will allow you to have sex with little girls
, and it will allow you to shit your pants
. Not even Chuck Norris could prevent such a catastrophe.
The other questions you asked? You'll have to listen to your heart for the answers to those.