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LONG BLOG

Japan: A Blog pt. 54 of 912 (The not safe for work one)

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Uh, look, I'll level with you.

I'm never going to get into politics or the clergy, so I can say this freely.

I like porn.

I'm assuming you do too, otherwise you're still holding out hope for my cblog where I talk about religion in Japan (which might actually happen...)

But today's entry is all about the dirty shit.

Japan, aka Smut Central, is a hotbed of kinky pornographic delights to entice your libido.


That's a small girl mannequin, BTW...

Problem is though...

Japan censors everything below the waist.


Your best shot at seeing any va-jayjay in this post...

In fact, most japanese assume the vagina looks like this until they have their first sexual encounter.


This picture is actually unbelivably pornographic...

Japanese porn comes in many varieties.

There's pictures, VOD, DVD, HD DVD, UMD, Blu Ray, VHS, Video CD, websites, magazines, CD's, games, basically, if you can think of it, they've got it pornographically in Japan.

You want giant boob pillows?



Done.

Want a place to screw?



They're all over it.



Basically, they're a buncha pervs. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, what are you into? Animal porn?

Scarily enough, bestial porn seems legal there. I saw it on sale.

Lemme tell you something, you sick fuckers... You do NOT talk your GF into doing Fido and then shoot it. NO.

NO.

Mmmkay?

I guess you have to have a really strong stomach to endure seeing some of the weird shit over there. Not that our public's fetishes are any better, but they tend to not hide porn in back rooms, and nothing's apparently too extreme for them. It's fairly common to see scat and older women fetish videos sitting right next to the idol videos and regular porn.

I guess they just ignore it better than I did.

Frankly, seeing a Japanese chick covered in natural body hair was not something I had high on my priority list of "things to see when in Japan", but that all changed at some point.

To run a short gamut of weird shit there, I'm going to throw out terminology which I will leave up to YOU to go google, as defining what the act entails may be illegal in your state.

Bukkake, nakadashi, ofuro porn, onani porn, obaba porn, yaoi, shotacon, lolicon, futanari, BDSM, and yes, straight normal boring ass sex.

Where does one go to get porn in Japan?

Pretty much anywhere...

I pondered this one night when in Kyoto. I hadn't actually intended on going out looking for porn, but I'd never been to Kyoto before and kinda wondered to myself where you'd find it hiding in such a conservative and low key city such as Kyoto. In the US, it's pretty difficult to track it down. You usually have to go to a specific store, knock three times, do the hokey pokey for 10 minutes, go to a different store, then go past a beaded curtain made out of bible scriptures, and then you have Playboy videos out the wazoo... Provided your state allows that.

In Japan, yeah, anyplace you can think of that's selling a media format, they'll have porn there. Ususally in the back, behind a curtain, or on a different floor.

Comic book storeS? Back shelf.

Video stores? Back shelf.



Model/hobby shops? Back shelf.


This place in Akihabara? Every damn floor.

Video game stores? Damn straight... Second floor.




I PROMISE THIS WASN'T IN A CHRISTIAN BOOK STORE...

Like I said, pretty much anywhere.

In my case in Kyoto, they have a store chain there that specializes in used shit. Games, music CD's, books, etc.

Oh, and used porn.

Yeah, USED PORN.

200Y will net you a 1,200Y magazine guys. Think about the logistics of that. If you can manage to get past the vomit inducing image of you holding some other dude's spank material, you get $10 off retail!

WHAT A DEAL!

Best 2000Y I spent the whole vacation.

I'm kidding...


...




It was 4000Y.

Now to more pressing issues. Let's say you're loaded with cash and you want to seek out the services of a nice young lady for the evening.

They got you covered there too. According to what I discovered through really old forums, you have to find this book thing, full of whores, pick out the one you want, and be prepared to do everything business wise in Japanese.

Just in looking around, I managed to find one of these books. What I'm about to show you... Guys, I'll level with you. I can't sink this low.



If you're into this kinda thing, great. More power to ya... But, it's... if I were desperate enough to ever seek out the services of a whore, I'd make damn sure get a real person to do the job. Renting a doll seems just that much scarier and sad.

Anyway, with all this mess behind us, we can focus on more prurient aspects of Japanese culture. If anyone has any questions, please forward them onto 4chan as they all act like sick shit like lolicon and futanari are totally normal.
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About BluDesignone of us since 11:49 AM on 11.10.2006



I own a FamPuter, which is a 100% fake Famicom. And I do own Super Mario Bros. and Rockman 2 for it, which you don't. :P



I'm a 34 year old gamer. I cannot hang out with most of you, and you should not contact me to buy you cheap wine or cigarettes. I do not like jail. Seriously, I own all three consoles and I don't discriminate. Gaming is for fun, not for sissy slapfights. If you consider yourself partial to a particular console, I don't care why you don't own other consoles, I don't want to hear about it. If you're going to bitch about something, you'd better bring some hard evidence of why you're complaining if you want to cry on my shoulder.

Enjoy this wonderful picture of 2 generations coming together at last...



PS - I eat trolls.

PPS - I've been to Japan. Maybe you've heard about it? If not, read up here:

Part 1: Introductions
Part 2: Yamagata's Hanagasa Festival
Part 3: Harajuku Girls and the lack thereof
Part 4: You're not in Kansas anymore, Niero (TGS07)
Part 5: Fresh from the farm to your mouth
Part 6: Going to Japan is hard
Part 7: 30 days takes forever
Part 8: Rape, Rocks, and Alliteration
Part 9: Small Town Nightlife
Part 10: Bling Bling, Hundred Thousand Yen Bill Ya'll
Part 10 Part 2: Mount Yamadera
Part 11: The Japanese Wal-Mart
Part 12: Goin' Down to Tokyo Town
Part 13: Ghiblit Gravy
Part 14: Air Sex
Part 15: Ganguros of New Tokyo
Part 16: The Contest Announcement
Part 17: The Contest
Part 18: The Trip Itinerary
Part 19: Tokyo Day 2
Part 20: Tokyo Day 2 Part 2 (of 2)
Part 21 is no longer there, but it wasn't all that great anyway, so you're not missing out.
Part 22: Happy Picture Montage Time!
Part 23: I have arrived.
Part 24: I have returned.
Part 25: The Case for the American Cheeseburger
Part 26: Random pictures are random
Part 27: A Free Gift for Those Who've Been Paying Attention
Part 28: Nintendo, no seriously, NINTENDO
Part 29: Racists in Japan, Discriminating against the handicapped
Special Report from Cheapy D at CAG
Part 30: The Secret Truth About Japan
Part 31: Oz-Matsuri
Part 32: The Japanese Don't Have Antiperspirant Deodorant

Part 33: There's this Disney character named Stitch in Japan...
Part 34: Trainspotting: Live From Kyoto
Part 35: Kyoto for Beginners
Part 36: Kyoto Smash: Advance Lesson in Fun Time
Part 37: Some Japanese people are alcoholics
Part 38: Hardcore Otaku know where the real action is
Part 40: My attempt at getting the Oscar for Best Japanese Picture
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 42: I sneak into a movie studio to pitch my movie
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 43: My film idea is shot down in favor of yet another Power Rangers TV show
Part 44: Excessive Male Nudity in Japan
Part 45: The Japanese grocery store has no deli counter
Part 46: How the Japanese language is worked into Japan's society
Part 47: Izukayas and you: How the Japanese drink in public
Part 48: All you really need to know about the Tokyo Auto Show
Part 49: Gyudon Rocks.
Part 50: Tendo is the coolest place in all of Japan
Part 51: I really did poop immediately after that shot
Part 52: A Beginner's Guide to Tokyo Disney Sea
Part 53: There is no comparison. Cheeseburgers win.
Part 55: You've never had Tonkatsu, so you wouldn't understand
Part 56: Japanese iTunes for the Mac addict
Part 57: The other kind of Curry
Part 58: Popular Pop and "Lock" music in Japan
Part 59: I sing like how cats have sex
Part 60: The Iron Penis Festival
Part 61: A sad bit about racism in Japan
Part 9001: Electro Lemon's whirlwind visit to Tokyo
Xbox LIVE:metalocalypse
PSN ID:BluDesign
Mii code:5154504518393743


 

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