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LONG BLOG

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Women (possibly NSFW)

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Everyone's doing one of these Good Idea/Bad Idea things, but I've felt uninspired to do one until today.

It's NVGR but I don't give a damn. It's very current, given what day it is today.

So women.

Good things:

Boobs


FACT FOR VIRGINS: They do feel like bags of sand. It was a lie to throw you off.


For BPG...

What an amazing pair of things. They serve no purpose to man, yet we are hopelessly transfixed by them. They fact that they are there solely for the benefit of a small child is criminal. Everyone has their preferences: small, large, firm, flabby, fake, real, dollar size nipples, inverted, etc... Yet we'll stare at any set if only to wonder what may lie beneath the veneer...

Vagina


Artists rendition of what vagina looks like up close, and it's affect on mankind.

The end result of the boob addiction leads here. This hole is lower than the navel (which is often mistaken for the vagina), and is noted for it's ability to be able to bewitch mankind and cause concern for witchcraft and stake burnings.


FACT FOR VIRGINS: Not the vagina, image is SFW

Men often mistake that this is the key area of which they need to devote the most attention to have a woman fall in love with them. This is a lie. That area is a man's wallet.

Legs

I'm not a leg man personally, but I know a good pair when I see them.



Good legs



No.

Principally, legs are the things that keep women mobile, hence it is important for mankind to prevent women from moving. I would suggest ether or possibly amputation, but my attorney says no. So, instead, just take up jogging and hope to keep up. If she likes you enough, she'll stop running eventually.

Love

Here's the hard thing. Love sucks, you're never going to get as much in reciprocation as you give. If you do, you have a stalker on your hands. You're going to give her flowers, money, booze, sex, money, your soul, your balls, money, and kids (if you have enough money left over). Why? Because you see this one thing in her.


I loathe them so much right now.

And the thing is that eventually she'll do something, say something, or maybe nothing and you'll realize you can't get enough of her for that one thing and everything.

Bad things:

Falling out of love

This is a hard thing to define, it can happen pretty much in the same manner that falling in love occurs, and when it happens, you can either wind up meloncholy about the whole thing, or worse, heartbroken because you know there's no going back.

And fuck the bitch that cheats on you. Oh, that's the worst.

Her


This is universally true.

Where to start...

Nagging, PMS, arguing, being combatitve, what she looks fat when trying on clothes, passive aggressiveness, the whole mystery of WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO WRONG?!?!?

You are totally to blame, whatever it is, because SHE'S had enough time to ponder it over and figure out what you did wrong, so you're the one that's gonna get blindsided with all the grief that she'd been bottling up since whatever caused it, happened. You're gonna have to try and piece this together like fucking Encyclopedia Brown to figure out WHAT YOU FUCKED UP!!!

And once you get to that point, you still have to deal with irrational feelings, emotions, blame, and guilt over picking either choice (because there's always two and neither are right because it's a fucking trap!)


Relationship advice from Admiral Ackbar

The hidden costs

What are the hidden costs of women?

Well, you'll obviously be buying flowers, doing dinner, buying antiques, raising a child, losing the nest egg on a bad business deal, and if you wind up divorced, there's alimony and child support.

The hidden costs? You can say goodbye to this...



This...



This...


My version has one less guy, two midgets, a DeLorean, and a swimming pool full of whipped cream

This...


Soon to be replaced with hours of antiquing and evaluating paint chips so you can repaint the guest room

And of course...

REGULAR SEX

There are many reasons why man lusts after women, and many reasons men avoid the complications of relationships, sticking with perpetual bachelorhood.

On the whole, relationships are generally a part of growing up, and encouraged (especially by your parents), so if you're going to pursue a relationship do so at your own risk, but know that the rewards in the long run are supposedly worth it.






Though I suspect my dad and all my married friends are lying to me.

I personally approve of women, and if you have one, let her know that I am available tonight if you're looking to trade up.


Hot sexy bachelor available for rent, bat mitzvahs, and weddings
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About BluDesignone of us since 11:49 AM on 11.10.2006



I own a FamPuter, which is a 100% fake Famicom. And I do own Super Mario Bros. and Rockman 2 for it, which you don't. :P



I'm a 34 year old gamer. I cannot hang out with most of you, and you should not contact me to buy you cheap wine or cigarettes. I do not like jail. Seriously, I own all three consoles and I don't discriminate. Gaming is for fun, not for sissy slapfights. If you consider yourself partial to a particular console, I don't care why you don't own other consoles, I don't want to hear about it. If you're going to bitch about something, you'd better bring some hard evidence of why you're complaining if you want to cry on my shoulder.

Enjoy this wonderful picture of 2 generations coming together at last...



PS - I eat trolls.

PPS - I've been to Japan. Maybe you've heard about it? If not, read up here:

Part 1: Introductions
Part 2: Yamagata's Hanagasa Festival
Part 3: Harajuku Girls and the lack thereof
Part 4: You're not in Kansas anymore, Niero (TGS07)
Part 5: Fresh from the farm to your mouth
Part 6: Going to Japan is hard
Part 7: 30 days takes forever
Part 8: Rape, Rocks, and Alliteration
Part 9: Small Town Nightlife
Part 10: Bling Bling, Hundred Thousand Yen Bill Ya'll
Part 10 Part 2: Mount Yamadera
Part 11: The Japanese Wal-Mart
Part 12: Goin' Down to Tokyo Town
Part 13: Ghiblit Gravy
Part 14: Air Sex
Part 15: Ganguros of New Tokyo
Part 16: The Contest Announcement
Part 17: The Contest
Part 18: The Trip Itinerary
Part 19: Tokyo Day 2
Part 20: Tokyo Day 2 Part 2 (of 2)
Part 21 is no longer there, but it wasn't all that great anyway, so you're not missing out.
Part 22: Happy Picture Montage Time!
Part 23: I have arrived.
Part 24: I have returned.
Part 25: The Case for the American Cheeseburger
Part 26: Random pictures are random
Part 27: A Free Gift for Those Who've Been Paying Attention
Part 28: Nintendo, no seriously, NINTENDO
Part 29: Racists in Japan, Discriminating against the handicapped
Special Report from Cheapy D at CAG
Part 30: The Secret Truth About Japan
Part 31: Oz-Matsuri
Part 32: The Japanese Don't Have Antiperspirant Deodorant

Part 33: There's this Disney character named Stitch in Japan...
Part 34: Trainspotting: Live From Kyoto
Part 35: Kyoto for Beginners
Part 36: Kyoto Smash: Advance Lesson in Fun Time
Part 37: Some Japanese people are alcoholics
Part 38: Hardcore Otaku know where the real action is
Part 40: My attempt at getting the Oscar for Best Japanese Picture
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 42: I sneak into a movie studio to pitch my movie
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 43: My film idea is shot down in favor of yet another Power Rangers TV show
Part 44: Excessive Male Nudity in Japan
Part 45: The Japanese grocery store has no deli counter
Part 46: How the Japanese language is worked into Japan's society
Part 47: Izukayas and you: How the Japanese drink in public
Part 48: All you really need to know about the Tokyo Auto Show
Part 49: Gyudon Rocks.
Part 50: Tendo is the coolest place in all of Japan
Part 51: I really did poop immediately after that shot
Part 52: A Beginner's Guide to Tokyo Disney Sea
Part 53: There is no comparison. Cheeseburgers win.
Part 55: You've never had Tonkatsu, so you wouldn't understand
Part 56: Japanese iTunes for the Mac addict
Part 57: The other kind of Curry
Part 58: Popular Pop and "Lock" music in Japan
Part 59: I sing like how cats have sex
Part 60: The Iron Penis Festival
Part 61: A sad bit about racism in Japan
Part 9001: Electro Lemon's whirlwind visit to Tokyo
Xbox LIVE:metalocalypse
PSN ID:BluDesign
Mii code:5154504518393743


 

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