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LONG BLOG

A Tribute To The Greatest Couple of All Time

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Throughout the years we have seen countless couples. From the page, to the big screen, to our video games, love is a very endearing factor in just about every facet of entertainment and culture. That being said, who is the greatest couple of all time? Mario and Peach? Fuck that. Wanderer and his horse? Only if you're mexican. Link and Zelda? Pretty sure one of them is gay.

No, none of these "couples" embody the true meaning of love. They're always one castle away, or you're riding them bareback.

But do not fret my loyal Communitoid™, for there is but one couple who completely capture the true meaning of love and companionship.

That couple is...



What other couple in history is so uniquely suited for one another as these two? None of the other classes really work all that real well together, and granted, the Medic CAN heal other people...



...but why would he want to when he has this loud, powerful, dominating hunk of man to protect him?

The Medic provides health for the Heavy to do what the Heavy does best, kill things. In return, the medic is provided an opportunity to assist with killing far more enemies then he ever could do on his own, and also help to ensure victory for their team, if the Uber is charged up in time.




And that brings me to yet another point as to why these two are so perfect: the Ubercharge. This is TF2's version of commitment, and I don't mean "sorry the phone startled me and I forgot to pull out" kind of commitment (Hi Mom and Dad!). I mean a real, powerful, amazing commitment between you and yours.

The Uber takes a while to charge. A relationship takes a while to mature. In between you will be faced with adversity, separation, and possibly death. If you can suffer through the hardships long enough, however, you are treated to something truly amazing, and it's definitely something you never get tired of. Now am I talking about relationships, or am I still talking about Ubercharge?

Seriously, I can't remember which one I was talking about.



The Heavy and the Medic need each other too, and that's key. Does Mario really need Peach? He's yet to even try to enter her pipes! CJ didn't need Denise, which is why he capped her ass. Cloud and Aeris? That bitch is an easy, dirty whore. The Medic and the Heavy are fine on their own, but together they can be nearly unstoppable. This is why I feel that the Heavy and the Medic are the best video game couple in gaming history.



The point is, my friends, maybe today you'll be spending it with someone you love, or maybe you'll be spending it naked and crying in the bathtub. For those in the former, treat that someone you love as if they were at 85 percent charged and you only have one control point left to take. Take care of them, and don't let no sneaky fuckin' spy ruin your killstreak I WAS AT 15 KILLS IN A ROW YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! JESUS CHRIST!

And if you're naked and crying in the bathtub, remember if God loved you, he wouldn't have made you so horribly unattractive and unappealing to the opposite sex.

Happy Valentine's Day Destructoid, and don't forget:



Love, Tazar

PS: Yes, I know Zero Punctuation beat me to the punch (slight pun intended), but I've had this idea for two weeks now. So fuck the hell off.
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About tazarthayootone of us since 2:14 AM on 12.27.2006



Associate Editor for Tomopop.com
Still, Destructoid's Number One Awesome Bad Ass guy thing...that went to Cancun.

Name: Tazar "Tha Yoot" Tha Yoot
Blood Type: Jazzy Neapolitan
Fighting Style: Irish Wobble and then fall down drunk
Favorite Stance: "Anal sex is still safer then regular sex"
Weapon of choice: by Fatboy Slim
Drug of choice: You know that smell of socks that haven't been washed for years, and have been worn by the same fat steel mill worker for years and years and years. And then you take those socks and you douse them in kerosene and feed them to a large quad-pedal animal (my personal preference: Hulk Hogan), and then subsequently rip them out of the stomach through the rib cage of said animal, and then slather them in mayonaise and leave them in the sun for several days?

That's not a drug, that's just silly.

1st Alternate Drug of choice: Hamsters
2nd Alternate Drug of choice: The Jazz Stylings of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
Favorite Book: Def Jam's How to be a Player: The Abridged Version
Favorite Movies: Gonorrhea
Favorite Game: Failing at life.
Weakness:
Favorite writer: Paris Hilton
Current room status: "Fucking Mansion"
Mood: GOD DAMMIT I TOLD YOU NOT TO SLAM THE DOOR.



My dog doing his best Nicolas Cage impersonation.

My woman.


I draw. I write. I rule.
Xbox LIVE:tazar the yoot


 

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