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LONG BLOG

The Tabloid of a Frustrated Retail Associate: Vol. II

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Alrighty. I know my last blog post was a little skimpy. But who cares? Not you obviously. Duh.

Tonight's blog is going to be about shovelware.

What is shovelware you ask?

They're usually games wrapped up in pretty plastic wrapping, coated over top of a piece of shit game that you know there's no way in hell you would buy it.

But why does it sell so much? Why must we confine our hard earned moniez to such pieces of "software" with a lack of effort?

Well not "we", per se. But you know, pretty much the idiots.

I believe there are 3 sides of people who buy video games. You should already know who they are but in case you forgot:

Core: someone who knows what they want
Casual: kind of like the core but will try anything once
Oblivious: believe Super Mario is available on the PlaystationBox360Cube


Now I could rant on and on about these three types of "consumers" but I won't. Instead, I'm going to get down to the facts.

If you turn on the TV during "primetime" and see a commercial for a game, does that make you want to buy it? Well of course not, but seeing it multiple times will suddenly impulse you to do it, only because you've already seen the shit about a million times. Let's take for example a game no one will probably ever buy(unless you are a D-Toid reader, oh to hell with it, just smart in general): Geometry Wars: Galaxies.

First thought to come to mind when you tell people about it would be the title. Geometry Wars? Sounds like a math game, doesn't it?

Wrong you close minded ass.

For those of you who aren't aware(and you should be), it's a fast paced action arcade shooter. Very fun, frantic and addicting. Tell that to someone who is casual, and you would get the response of something on the likes of, "Sounds kind of weird, but I'll try it". On the other hand, tell someone who is oblivious, and you'll going to most likely get the response of how their 10 year old son hasn't even taken pre-algebra yet. Quite a difference, no?

So to make up for these games for the "mentally challenged", there exist shovelware games that make things simple for the common idiot. Shovelware can range from anything to movie, cartoon or music licensing, intense brainwashing through the media(Disney, Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network are just a few suspects), and usually require a fistful of cash to purchase, but only a tiny bit of a frustrated mind to actually play.

Shovelware is pretty much an excuse for the oblivious to buy their stupid little kids a game they know will end up in the microwave, toaster, toilet or tuna sandwich. So when I go in to work, I reflect back sometimes how I was a kid, about 11 years ago, wanting only the cool games. Super Nintendo controller in hand, I demanded games like Yoshi's Island, Donkey Kong Country 2 and the like, only for the fact I knew what I wanted and wouldn't take anything less. Fast forward to the future, and I see the shelves ridden with Hanaah Montana, High School Musical, Ben 10 and many more other licensed prodigies I can really care less to remember.

Some people say the game industry is dying. It could be dying, but it could also be prevented from buying shitty games and arguing with someone to help guide you in the right direction when it comes to great games. There are a lot of things to blame, but people will be the way they are. That's understandable. But when I see games like Super Mario Galaxy, The Orange Box, Bioshock and Uncharted sitting on the shelves in favor for games like Counter Force, Alvin and the Chipmunks and Ultimate Board Games, it makes me realize that where I am, I'm all alone in the world of common sense, value and decency.

I'm sorry ma'am, but we are completely sold out of Dogz 2.
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About Spectralone of us since 10:23 PM on 01.12.2007

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