On September 25th of this year the United States was hit by a third strain of the virulent Halococcus pathogen, infecting 2.7 million consoles within the first week
of its outbreak. The Halo 3
(as it shall be referred to for short) infection has continued to spread to Xbox 360s around the nation; taking advantage of unprotected contact between consoles, quickly spreading throughout their Liveous systems. While antibiotics have been released by Valve [Pharmaceuticals] and Infinity Ward [Industries] they have clearly been unable to stamp out the encroaching illness.
After crunching the newest numbers provided by The NPD [Medical] Group, GameDaily [Labs] has concluded
that things are even worse than originally projected, “4.1 million [cases] have been [reported] in the U.S. With 7.9 million Xbox 360s purchased in the U.S. to date, some simple math indicates that a [frightening] 52 percent of all Xbox 360 owners in America have [“]picked up[”] Halo 3
.” This means that half of the people on your friends list could be in possession of an infected console, whether they realize it or not.
So far, the only ways to remotely identify an infected console is by inflammation
in the Achievemynth nodes and increased vulgarity
in the accessing player. However, as these methods are not foolproof it is important to note that the only way to completely protect your system is through abstinence. Remember, every time you open your 360’s disk tray you’re opening it up to possible infection
This public message brought to you by the Centers for [Console] Disease Control and Prevention.